English as She is Spoke (1883) is the worst English phrasebook ever produced. Its author, a Portuguese speaker, did not speak English. Rather, he took the a French-English phrasebook and a Portuguese-French phrasebook and translated the former using the latter.
With a hair dresser.Link (Thanks, KnowAngel!)
Your razors, are them well?
Comb-me quickly; don't put me so much pomatum. What news tell me? all hairs dresser are newsmonger.
Sir, I have no heared any thing.