Gabe & Max: now YOU can ask them how to get the Dream Life of YOUR Dreams.

Discuss

55 Responses to “Gabe & Max: now YOU can ask them how to get the Dream Life of YOUR Dreams.”

  1. silverjacket says:

    Will I grow hair on my palms from googling myself?

  2. TomHung says:

    every time i put my credit card into the internets (5178-9510-4697-8631) a window pops up and says i have “SpyWarez”. What is with that?

  3. Stu Mark says:

    I recently misplaced my glasses. Will the internet help me locate them? And if so, how long will it take, as I have a dinner engagement.

  4. Mister Staal says:

    What can you tell me about using the Interwebs to become sexually attractive to the opposite sex?

  5. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for the Add! BFF!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Is there a place on the internets for cats?

  7. kurmudge says:

    I just pre-ordered a subscription to Internet 3.0 in order to grow my business. When it arrives how can I keep using my previous Internets to maximize profits?

  8. arttoys says:

    Is there a way to download a copy of the internet to my hard drive so that if I lose my connection I can still browse the nets?

  9. SAE Miller says:

    I want to read my grandma’s email to find out who she is dating at the golf course, but I hear hacker men only use Lenax. It is very embarrassing not know what the Lenax is or how to read my Grandma’s email. Can you help me Gabe and Max?

  10. aluxeterna says:

    I was a Series of Tubes for All Hallow’s Eve last year, went down to West Hollywood for their famed craziness, and exactly one (1) person noticed, shouting at me from across the street–”It’s teh internets!” Sad.

    Internets for Halloween is sooo 2006.

    Now, a question for Gabe and Max: Why is it that people on the internets spell things in funny ways, using numbers in place of letters?

  11. Personman says:

    How does Internet make any money by just letting people search for whatever they want? And I heard they even give emails away for free but I know that can’t be right.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Dear gabe and max,

    i keep hearing there are no girls on the internets. and if you find girls on the internets, they are actually men. i don’t know who to believe anymore. pls help!

  13. hbee says:

    Is there a secret number at AOL to call when my internet doesn’t work?

  14. xrd says:

    I wanna make some kids. I heard from Jimmy (my friend, I think he knows computers better than you even do) the InterNet is great for meeting ladies that like to do it, and then we can make some kids. My question is, I wanna protect them from dirty stuff like pornos and liberal tv cos they didn’t do me no good and they like taxes. If I watch a gay video on a YouTube (it wuz an axcident) can that make my kids gay? I don’t look so strong in my picture on my myspace, but I can still kick ass, but can I send that to the photoshop store so I can meet more hot chicas? Jimmy said when I watch a video on my monitor screen they cant see whether my pants are up, but I want them to at sometimes. Can I? I don’t want to click a button anymore, can you fix that?

  15. CatsGrin says:

    Hi Gabe and Max:

    I am a lonely lady who very much likes cats, especially pictures of cats, especially that one poster of a cat on a branch that says “Hang in there.” That one kills me, ha ha.

    Is there any way I can use the internets to increase the amount of cat pictures in my life, preferably ones with humorous captions?

  16. slawkenbergius says:

    When I was young we had a mouse in our kitchen that kept on running across the top of our cooker. One day my mum saw it and – freaking out – squished it with a hot frying pan. Most horrible thing I ever saw… this charred and mangled mouse crawling around in circles. I had to carry it outside and stomp on it.

  17. Xeni Jardin says:

    Is it true that “html” stands for HACKERS, TROLLS, MASHUPS and LOLCATS — the fabled “four horsemen of the netpocalypse?”

    Also how do you pronounce HARBLS please.

  18. silverjacket says:

    Exactly how many internets are there? Which one works best with Binary?

  19. Anonymous says:

    Why does China want to steal my internets?
    Can they really do that?

    How can I send emails that George Bush cannot read?

  20. Manue says:

    Hi Gabe! Hi Max!
    I heard that the Internet is dangerous, with viruses and other dangerous things. Can I get sick? Also, can you demonstrate how to handle the mouse? Is AOL a good Internet for me, I just want personal use, no business. And, I am a little shy to ask, but I heard that you can see some things on the Internets and maybe I am curious to see these things, but I do not want, like the other users to know I am curious, again, maybe it was just National Enquirer articles, but I heard that the Internets can be unsafe and not private? (and, oh, maybe you can like hide a secret code to a good Internet for curious-but-shy girls?) Thank you. [Also, again, I am really shy to ask, but are you singles, and like, where can I see you with less clothes on the Inter Nets?]

  21. silverjacket says:

    My wirelss gives me a rash. Is there a cream for it?

  22. Teresa Nielsen Hayden / Moderator says:

    Such joy.

  23. Xeni Jardin says:

    I, too, would like more advice on how to make my MySpaces and Facebooks more sparkly, and make them emit a pleasing freshness odor. Is there like a plug-in?

  24. Stu Mark says:

    Will BoingBoing become the next Google? If so, what will happen to Google? Will they become the next Yahoo? If so, what will happen to Yahoo? Will they become the next JenniCam?

  25. blitz sizzle says:

    why is the sky blue?

  26. markoff chaney says:

    Tell me about these so called ‘lulz’. why are they epic? what does this have to do with ‘lolcatz’? why is everyone misspelling so much crap? and seriously, old timey pictures and drawings with offensive comic material attatched like some bastard son of circusbreath?

  27. Haberdashed says:

    My grandmother and I are going in on the internet site together. We want to make a place where people can see our crocheted plant cozies. Do we need emails for this? Will anyone steal anything if we do this?

  28. Anonymous says:

    I’ve always wanted to be an oral surgeon, and I’ve heard that some doctors care for patients through the internet. How do I remove wisdom teeth through the internet, and, if the internet goes out while my patient is under, is there a failsafe to turn off the anesthesia?

  29. Anonymous says:

    Dear Gabe & Max,

    How do you fit the chicks through the wires?

  30. Stu Mark says:

    Can I connect a tube up from my house to my neighbors house, so we can exchange dinner recipes?

  31. tigahstyle says:

    How I can internets to spaces of my do best not the least?

  32. Ape Lad says:

    What’s the market rate on htmls? I would like to make my MySpaces more sparkly. Can you send me some?

  33. paulysteele says:

    Please help me.

    I got an emails from this girl saying she wanted to see myTube, so I showed her my Flikr and my Globos and before you know it, i’m Skyping her all over the intranets.

    The problem is that I think she may have given me a PHP because now my Google is all itchy and it burns when i Wikipedia.

    Can u help?

    Thanks,

    pauly

  34. blakewest says:

    REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

    FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND ‘TOP SECRET’. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIIMUM CONFIDENCE.

    WE ARE TOP OFFICIAL OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY WITH FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN NIGERIA. IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SAID TRAPPED FUNDS.

    THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS AS FOLLOWS; DURING THE LAST MILITARY REGIME HERE IN NIGERIA, THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS SET UP COMPANIES AND AWARDED THEMSELVES CONTRACTS WHICH WERE GROSSLY OVER-INVOICED IN VARIOUS MINISTRIES. THE PRESENT CIVILIAN GOVERNMENT SET UP A CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL AND WE HAVE IDENTIFIED A LOT OF INFLATED CONTRACT FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY FLOATING IN THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA READY FOR PAYMENT.

    HOWEVER, BY VIRTUE OF OUR POSITION AS CIVIL SERVANTS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT ACQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES. I HAVE THEREFORE, BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES OF THE PANEL TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEAS PARTNER INTO WHOSE ACCOUNT WE WOULD TRANSFER THE SUM OF US$21,320,000.00(TWENTY ONE MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS). HENCE WE ARE WRITING YOU THIS LETTER. WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY THUS; 1. 20% FOR THE ACCOUNT OWNER 2. 70% FOR US (THE OFFICIALS) 3. 10% TO BE USED IN SETTLING TAXATION AND ALL LOCAL AND FOREIGN EXPENSES. IT IS FROM THE 70% THAT WE WISH TO COMMENCE THE IMPORTATION BUSINESS.

    PLEASE,NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE TO COMMENCE THE TRANSFER LATEST SEVEN (7) BANKING DAYS FROM THE DATE OF THE RECEIPT OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIOM BY TEL/FAX; 234-1-7740449, YOUR COMPANY’S SIGNED, AND STAMPED LETTERHEAD PAPER THE ABOVE INFORMATION WILL ENABLE US WRITE LETTERS OF CLAIM AND JOB DESCRIPTION RESPECTIVELY. THIS WAY WE WILL USE YOUR COMPANY’S NAME TO APPLY FOR PAYMENT AND RE-AWARD THE CONTRACT IN YOUR COMPANY’S NAME.

    WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU AND SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY IN THIS TRANSATION. PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER USING THE ABOVE TEL/FAX NUMBERS. I WILL SEND YOU DETAILED INFORMATION OF THIS PENDING PROJECT WHEN I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU.

    YOURS FAITHFULLY,

    DR CLEMENT OKON

    NOTE; PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (VE/S/09/99) IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.

  35. rollerskater says:

    Gabe an Maxx- I need your help maximising my wallet to sell my mad skillz for automotive Cd/radio device removal and also the removals of the hubcapps on the Computers web. I did not yyet get the Cmputer but did securr a DELL LAPTIOPS at maximum discountzz!! Where do I put my skillz into DELL machine? Do i still need the Computer first or does DELL half internet?

  36. Dead Robot says:

    Can I run a piercing parlor from my living room via the Interweb?

  37. halfsquatch says:

    Halloween’s approaching and I want to dress up EXACTLY like the internet, but I don’t know where to start!? Any suggestions? And no, I DON’T want to be a series of tubes.

  38. halfsquatch says:

    Halloween’s approaching and I want to dress up EXACTLY like the internet, but I don’t know where to start!? Any suggestions? And no, I DON’T want to be a series of tubes.

  39. Don says:

    i am interested in downloading the web 2.0.
    where can i do this?

  40. rgm says:

    What is this VoIP thing I keep hearing about? Can I save money by using VoIP?

  41. microcars says:

    what is the best way to get everyone on MySpace to come over for a party?

  42. Kurt McAllister says:

    What are these RSS feeds, and what do they have to do with food? Do you have to feed them? Do they feed you? I don’t understand!

  43. Haberdashed says:

    Dear Gabe and Max, what can I do on the internet besides play Bejeweled? (note: also besides email. I haven’t had good luck with it.)

  44. zikzak says:

    Why do you need to set your wall on fire to keep infections from getting infected into your computer? This sounds dangerous!

  45. microcars says:

    Someone sent me their Internet on a CD but I can’t watch it on my TV.
    What TV is best for watching the Internet on?

  46. TomHung says:

    I need a new monitor. Can I get one with blackjack? and hookers?

    Discord

  47. So-Called Austin Mayor says:

    Dear Gabe & Max,

    I am working as an internet policy adviser to some political candidates. After reviewing their campaigns, I have discovered that many don’t have any “netroots”.

    How much do you charge for netroots? Could we get a volume discount for bulk netroots purchases?

    THank you for your helps and don’t forget to vote,

    – SCAM

  48. nairobired says:

    hallo i have recieved many emails about the size of my penis and what should i use email on my penis with mice or keeboard plz halp

  49. brandon says:

    i heard there was free porn on the internet and am interested in acquiring some. i am especially into woman bloggers with crazy white hair, bright red lips and weird names that start with letters such as X. please advise.

  50. Paulefinch says:

    Part of the dream life of my dreams is a beautiful hipster goddess for girlfriend. How can I use the webs, blogs, and myspaces to land a hipster goddess for a girlfriend? Also, how can I unsee the amputee porn I found in my father’s history?

  51. clacker says:

    Do you offer language skills courses for some of the odd and unusual languages spoken in foreign countries? Some screenfulls I encounter are made of words with too few vowels, crazy things things like bff, l8r, dk, and ttfn. Can you recommend a good LOLcats to English dictionary from the library? It might also help if you had a punctuation course. I learned a little in school, but we never went over college level punctuation like putting a parenthesis after a colon or semicolon. I guess what I’m asking for is a “learn to speak internet like someone who does speak internet” course.

  52. brandon says:

    i lost my google, how do i get it back?

  53. Daniel Terdiman says:

    If I was going to look for a job or an apartment, can you tell me which one of the Internets I can find Greg’sList on?

  54. K2nSF says:

    Is there some way I can see only the good parts of the Internet?

  55. TomHung says:

    Where can I get those animated pictures for my website 2.0 (specially those waving merican flags like george bush has)?

    What kind of CSS do I use to make the background color strobe?

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