TV commercials for 1970s Planet of the Apes dolls

Picture 9-15 Everything about these 1970s commercials for Planet of the Apes dolls is wonderful, including the warbly soundtrack and use of "Also Sprach Zarusthra" for the score (I guess it goes with all things ape).

Memory Harker says: "Watch for a while; the pay-off is when they start doing the narrative scenarios. Holy Lawgiver, this is ape-tastic!" Link (Via Coudal)

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  1. “What kind of place is this that the ruling class are apes? They’re gonna operate on me and make me a SLAVE!!”

    I can’t even express how awesome this is. It’s like 7 or 8 commercials one after the other, each with different little action scenarios. Wow.

    Still playin with my micronauts,
    groucho

  2. I had a ton of Planet of these Apes toys when I was a kind.

    These commercials meant that all the kids immediately knew *how* they were supposed to play with the toys when they came over since we’d all seen the story on the TV.

    http://www.andrewpmayer.com

  3. well,
    #2 “These commercials meant that all the kids immediately knew *how* they were supposed to play”

    Like those commercials or instructions or stories or the kind of doll meant anything anyway:

    They all got strapped with a cellophane parachute and a lit firecracker eventually.

    http://www.grouchosuave.wordpress.com

  4. “What kind of place is this that the ruling class are apes?”

    It’s a distant future, the year 2000. The president will be a chimpanzee. I know you don’t believe it now, but in a few years you’re going to elect a guy who worked with monkeys and then the monkey son of his VP will become president. And then they will declare Ape Law.

  5. They totally saved the best ad for last. I got in SO much trouble with that fuckin’ catapult. I bought one for a dollar when I was seven at the King and Story indoor flea market (in S.J.) and then proceeded to rob the entire block of their rubber bands from the “Sundy” paper. I attached ALL of the rubber bands to the catapult, cocked it (with much effort), loaded it with a cat-head sized chunk of concrete, aimed it down the middle of the street (for safety) and then let fly… just as my mother was coming out of the house to see what I was doing. The rock flew about 100 ft. in the air, almost straight up, and the catapult bounced out of my hands about 6 ft. off the ground from the recoil. The concrete came back down and smashed into pieces on the sidewalk between me and my mother inducing much shock and awe (the “wonderment of discovery” type for me and the “terrified horror” variety for her) leading to the confiscation of said catapult until I was “old enough not to try that sort of thing again”. Needless to say, I’m still waiting for my catapult.

  6. Some YouTube Planet of the Apes surfing led me to this, a student film from the late ’70s that was meant as a sequel to the Apes films which ties up loose ends. It’s damn impressive. It looks like actual Planet of the Apes movie footage.

    Unfortunately, the soundtrack has been lost.

  7. Some YouTube Planet of the Apes surfing led me to this, a student film from the late ’70s that was meant as a sequel to the Apes films which ties up loose ends. It’s damn impressive. It looks like actual Planet of the Apes movie footage.

    Unfortunately, the soundtrack has been lost.

    (sorry if this is a double-post)

  8. “I smell an astronaut!”

    What exactly does an astronaut smell like? Sounds like our he’s wearing some of those astronaut diapers we heard so much about earlier this year.

  9. MICRONAUTS?? grouchosuave, you are my new best friend. i rarely run into anyone who remembers them. i say FEH on “transformers” — those johnny-come-latelys!

  10. “Some YouTube Planet of the Apes surfing led me to this, a student film from the late ’70s that was meant as a sequel to the Apes films which ties up loose ends. It’s damn impressive. It looks like actual Planet of the Apes movie footage.

    Unfortunately, the soundtrack has been lost.

    Here is a synopsis of the dialog as nearly as I can reconstruct it:

    Zira approaches Cornelius on campus and asks him where the restrooms are located.

    Cornelius tells Zira that she shouldn’t worry about such things and the she should be concerned with Ape/Human relations.

    Zira stresses that it is important that she find the restroom. Now.

    They argue.

    Cornelius takes Zira over to the fountain, to take her mind off of her trivial concerns, and proceeds to tell her about the upcoming Ape/Human summit. At length.

    Zira is not convinced.

    Cornelius perseveres.

    Zira stands up and informs Cornelius that she has peed her Ape pants. She cries.

    Cornelius gives her a hug. All is better now.

  11. #9 Franko
    “MICRONAUTS?? grouchosuave, you are my new best friend. i rarely run into anyone who remembers them. ”

    Goddamn right! I had the space base with the little cars. Although due to my aforementioned predilection for firecrackers, I only have a few frankensteined ones left.

    Man, no Planet of the Apes dolls left though – they were the neighbor kids’ and they were big enough to shoot with the .22.

    “i say FEH on “transformers” — those johnny-come-latelys!”

    Yeah, they were lame. (Voltron rules the hizzo, boyee!). Besides, by the time they were around, I had discovered the wonderfulnessitude of boobs and butts. Game over.

    http://www.grouchosuave.wordpress.com

  12. @Franko:

    Not only do I remember Micronauts, I owned the toys and still, somewhere, have a complete run of the original comic book series. I’m a Micronaut Micronut (yuk yuk)!

    @Commieneko:

    Thanks, that will come in handy. I contacted him and offered to dub a dialogue track for him because I do that for a living.

  13. In all but the first two introductory commercials, the Astronaut is confined in Ape prison at the end of the ad.

    Does this cliffhanger compel the young viewer to rush out to the toy store so he can rescue the human?

  14. Old school MEGO commercials were great. The marketing director’s son was in a few of the commercials and had a thick Brooklyn accent; which makes it even better!

    Since someone mentioned Micronauts, I thought I’d share my FLICKR set devoted to Microman figures from Japan; they were the original Japanese Micronauts:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/jackszwergold/sets/72157601541867323/

    Also, be sure to check out Microman Forever, the web’s best source of information on Microman and related toys:
    http://www.microforever.com/

    And check out this awesome Japanese Microman commercial; the soundtrack is mindblowing for a kids toy!

  15. “We can’t afford to let the human remain a free thinker. We’ve got to . . . OPERATE.”

    Terrific stuff.

  16. between the micronauts and the apes stuff, i just don’t know how to contain it all in my head. it’s gonna esplode!

    i had micronauts, too, and i adored them, but then star wars came along, and, well, the rest is sorta history.

  17. Hey beepy!
    “They’re not dolls! They’re action figures!”

    They all are dolls. Our toys were dolls.
    WE PLAYED WITH DOLLS, MAN!

    (And sometimes Evel Knievel had tea with Stretch Armstrong, Strawberry Shortcake and green Army men on fire!)

    http://grouchosuave.wordpress.com/

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