More fun with Amazon reviews: this time, Bic pens

Mike says: Some folks are having great fun with their reviews of a standard Bic black ballpoint pen.
200712121341 "I looked down at the Bic Crystal black medium ballpoint pen which I held in my hand, only to see darkness. I dashed it against the wall, recoiling in horror. I saw in the corner of my eye my faithful notebook, which now lay on the ground. Once unmarred, I saw now the small mark which I had made with the devil's own pen. It spread across the page like a plague, and looking at it I gazed upon true horrors. For, what I thought had been ink was in fact a portal to a dark, unforgiving dimension. A portal whose maw was now widening to engulf all hope and joy in the world.

'God, what have I done?' I exclaimed as I weeped and fell to my knees, 'What have I done?'

From beyond the Dark Gate I heard these words, words which I can never forget. A terrible, booming voice said to me, 'Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fthagn!'"


Previously on Boing Boing:
Reviews for milk on Amazon are funny


  1. That’s brilliant! Perhaps Amazon will be smart and keep these reviews up and maybe put the best of them into a book one of these days. That could be a fun read.

  2. I reviewed a Vietnamese phrase book on Amazon some years ago. In Vietnamese. With phrases from the book. Last I checked, it was still there.

  3. I still see a bic pen and remember as 4th grader how I would imagine it was a one-man submarine with that cockpit-like pen cap

  4. Someone needs to write a review of these as if they were Light Yagami from the manga/anime “Death Note,” if it hasn’t been done already.

  5. Saw someone mailed this into Neil Gaiman today. Thats just fantastic, really. Laughing at the uranium ones now.

  6. Another great one, on Ping (a children’s book about a duck):

    The first review starts out:

    PING! The magic duck!

    Using deft allegory, the authors have provided an insightful and intuitive explanation of one of Unix’s most venerable networking utilities. Even more stunning is that they were clearly working with a very early beta of the program, as their book first appeared in 1933, years (decades!) before the operating system and network infrastructure were finalized.

    The book describes networking in terms even a child could understand, choosing to anthropomorphize the underlying packet structure. …

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