Orlando's Family Auto Mart infomercial

I've never been to Orlando, but after reading the "Guide to All Things Tacky Fabulous in Orlando" blog, I'm tempted to visit.

This infomercial from a car dealer called Family Auto Mart is truly tacky fabulous. The theme song is incredibly catchy, and the host is like a 300-lb hummingbird with an espresso IV drip.

I was trying to figure out how to describe these guys, for those of you who aren't in the Orlando TV viewing area and haven't been lucky enough to bear witness to the owner being harnessed to the front of a sleigh during the holiday season. Suffice it to say, the brothers from Family Auto Mart are a visual product, best enjoyed on a late night bender.

Fortunately, their website is as tacky fabulous as their TV spots.

OK, so where to begin? They have merchandise, a fan club (with photos from an autograph signing), a CD, a bio that reads longer than War and Peace (without a spell-checker), an instructional video (so you can do the "Family Man Dance" at home), and a great motto which is clearly the work of a fancy ad agency ("Kiss me in Kissimmee!"). Oh, and I think they sell cars, too.

Link

• [Spatch]

  I remember watching this around 2000 when I visited a friend in Florida. He taped the show just so I could watch it, as he knew I liked trainwreck local TV. The highlight of the show was watching Family Man “run the Mile of Deals”, where he ran the entire length of one of his car lots, hollerin the prices and savings of each one as he passed by. He was out of breath by the third car and had so many more to go.

  You didn’t watch to see what cars he was selling, you watched to see if he’d drop dead of a heart attack before he reached the end (and remember this is not a competition, it is only an exhibition — so please, no wagering.)

• [krylon]

  Oh Family Man, and the adventures of Family Boy.

  I once had a girlfriend who hailed from Titusville (one of many tiny spacecoast towns) with whom I sat with after the ball dropped New Years Eve and watched Family Auto Mart informercials for hours.

  I’m pretty sure he does a cartwheel every time he sells a car. I want to buy one from him for just this reason.

• [Ape Lad]

  They are also quite keen on Jesus, it seems. A few of their commercials feature fish and crosses.
  If you ever make it to Orlando, also be sure to watch for the Appliance Direct zaniness.

• [mrfitz]

  That was stupid.

• [jacuzzisuites]

  It seems close to a Tim and Eric production. Come on Family Man it can’t be thaaat easy.

  Sincerely,
  Pep pep

• [Maddy]

  I love when people sing in fakey rock voices (that are supposed to convey huge emotion) purely informational things:

  “1918 Aurora Road!”

  I will be mocking that all day

  “1918 Aurora Road!”

• [Mark Frauenfelder]

  “That was stupid.”

  Of course it was! Did you really think it would be anything other than very very stupid?

• [sonny p fontaine]

  Betelgeuse Betelgeuse Betelgeuse

• [Anonymous]

  Not as good as the insurance commercials from Vern Fonk in Seattle.

• [thivai]

  Reminds me of the “It’s like a mini mall” guy from Montgomery. They should team up to do a Saturday morning kids’ show with a low-budget Pee-Wee’s Playhouse theme. Bring on overweight, easily excitable kids and have them do the Family Man dance or Mini Mall shuffle.

• [Lilah]

  Another Orlandoan (Orlandite?) here. My personal favorite regarding wacky Orlando commercials: aathe ones for car audio supply store “Big Diggler’s Junk in the Trunk”. Featuring a portly, shirtless man with an afro and cape anad plenty of fine women.

• [Scoplecopter]

  Oh my god. I went to orlando with my high school choir at least 6 years ago, and my friends and I STILL talk about those infomercials.

  Love it!

• [codeman38]

  I knew this ad looked familiar, and with some Googling, I realized why: Xeni posted about the same ad back in February of last year.

  But it was totally worth a re-post. ;-)

• [Chocolatey Shatner]

  Must… buy… used car… and eat… Ho-Hos.

• [hiller goodspeed]

  I remember spending many late Saturday nights in middle school transfixed by this infomercial. I don’t know if they include the music video or poor green screen graphics, but this show was oddly addictive. You’d watch it, see it on another time (recognizing it as the same show), and watch it again just because it was so bizarre and hypnotic.

• [anniew]

  I must agree with Ape Lad, the Appliance Direct ads are… interesting. But no one can deny the true power of the Appliance Direct guy/Scratch and Dent World lady team.

• [tackyfabulous]

  Hey El Beardo – Her name is Lee from Appliance Direct (Not Julie)! And I have solved the mystery of the leg brace…I’ll be posting on that subject in the next couple days on my blog.

  Scratch and Dent fans…Lee’s got a myspace account. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=103840161

• [mattlukasik]

  I used to watch these infomercials all the time including appliance direct as well. cheesiest shit ever. the best family auto mart one is with the hill billys that just talk gibberish and want to go to family auto mart and the one when they act like ninjas, round the clock entertainment here in daytona

• [kpkpkp]

  As seen from space:
  http://maps.google.com/maps?q=1918+Aurora+Rd,+Melbourne,+FL+32935,+USA&ie=UTF8&ll=28.136162,-80.652215&spn=0.001634,0.002511&t=h&z=19&om=1

• [kurtisnelson]

  Both the FAM and the Appliance Direct commercials are much rarer around here now. Or maybe I just stopped watching daytime tv.

• [The Lizardman]

  I used to spend 6 weeks a year in Orlando as contracted entertainment for Universal Studio’s HHN. The Appliance Direct guy & Scratch and Dent World lady became a highlight of those gigs – I ended up having to record their work and send it out to verify my stories to people about them. This is more horrifying and less amusing IMO

• [el_beardo]

  You can still find Family Auto mart on TV here, in Orlando, in the wee hours of the morn’ – I’ve been watching that on TV for nearly 10 years! There’s some that aren’t online that are truly works of art, and well beyond hilarious! And for Appliance Direct, well, they’re all over Orlando TV right now. They also have a new store called Scratch-&-Dent World, selling their wholesale appliance as, well, scratched & dented. Funny, and very entertaining late-nite tv! And i still can’t figure out why Julie wears a knee-brace. It’s WACKY NU NU!

• [HiTek LoLife]

  And now we know where Steve Ballmer received his motivational speaking training… as well as the fact that he has great career prospects in the local programming infomercial world after MS.

• [Teresa R]

  I always watched these ads and wondered why they weren’t a Thing.

  I love the Guide to All Things Tacky for Orlando. As much as I love the place, there’s enough to keep that guy or gal in business forever.

• [stephen_at_strangetastic]

  I lived in Daytona (same TV channels as Orlando) for a summer, and there was a channel that showed ads for an appliance store around the clock.

  These weren’t long infomercials. They were thirty-second spots strung together and repeating without interruption. They each featured a man and his daughter shouting ‘I love appliances!’

  I watched them for hours.

• [fnc]

  Did he defeat Satan in a game of football at the end of that ad?