Pill to "improve first-person shooter performance"

Quack science has hit a new high in FPSBrain, a German caffeine-laced vitamin ~~beverage~~ pill intended to improve your performance at playing first-person shooter games:

1 FpsBrain is the only effective product with a 110% money-back guarantee. Clinical research and expert knowledge made it possible to develop an effective neural accelerator.
2 FpsBrain is active within the first 60 minutes after use and releases its active ingredients constantly for 6 hours maximum into the body.
3 Fps has been tested by experience computer players and results in a remarkable increase in perception and reaction capacities.
4 FpsBrain contains only ingredients that have been tested and are approved in Germany.

Link (via Wonderland)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

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jonathan_v

From personal experience: you can counteract too-much caffeine with a healthy dose of Ginkgo Biloba. At higher doses it does help ‘focus’ and ‘attention’. A lot of the overcaffeinated energy drinks are starting to use it as a key ingredient to counterbalance.

I remember in college taking “Study” pills that were a mix of Ephedra-Caffeine-Ginkgo-MutiVitamin. The Ephedra/Caffeine only mix would amp up on energy & alertness, but cause people to wander in thought & attention. The mixes with Ginkgo started to win out, as people would actually be able to focus.
Cpt. Tim

RugerRedhawk, you have to find a balance, but yeah. I’m always rubbish with a sniper rifle but i find its far more valuable to be able to turn quickly. Its best to up it one level at a time and wait for your muscle memory to catch up until you find the right level.
Brian Damage

I watched an interview with Jonathan “Fatal1ty” Wendel (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal1ty) a few months back. For those who don’t know him, Fatal1ty is basically the Beckham of competitive PC multiplayer gaming. He’s also quite the sporty spice. His advice for improving one’s reflexes and alacrity for intense gaming is to engage in real world sports, keep fit, eat right, sleep well, and be happy.

But hey, crank is a part of a balanced breakfast so why not do a few lines. Er, pills.
g.park

IF you need to take a pill to get better at videogames, it’s time to find a new hobby. Or shoot yourself in the face. It’s up to you, really.
Brian Damage

P.s., these pills contain 5mg of caffeine. For comparison, that’s one quarter the caffeine in a grande Starbucks coffee.
Jeff

I sell the supplements and I see all the additives. It’s all crap, over-the-counter drugs that someone’s pushing. Drink up!
Jeff

Blacksickle said, “…used in conjunction with Marijuana,…”

That method of tweaking your brain has been used by a pal of mine for years. And he seems okay for the most part. I wonder if there is any scientific evidence (form Europe or British Columbia)that supports the idea that pot can increase some people’s reaction times.
HarshLanguage

Man, if I developed a “neural accelerator” pill, I’d be gunning for a Nobel, not marketing to gamers! Wait, you mean it’s just a bunch of stimulants and supplements in an expensive bottle? Oh, carry on then. Any fool who buys this deserves to be parted from their money.
Anonymous

i’d say this will work for student as well. taking it before the exam, as you know some exams last for 3 hours. and having two such exams in one days is really a endurance event. or use it before an interview. before a fight.
minimalniemand

@ #2

C’mon stop that nazi BS. U got enuff white supremacists over there, so better be quit.

the pills are stoopid, but they’ll sell well I suppose
edgore

I now await the day that a school shooter takes a handful of these things before going on their rampage. After all, if videogames are murder training simulators then the abilities granted by these pills should transfer directly from the virtual to the real world.

Or not.
theblacksickle

I have found that a moderate amount of alcohol, used in conjunction with Marijuana, unleashes my full First Person Shooter potential. No need for pills when I already have my mind altered to perform!
dculberson

I am absolutely unstoppable at Soul Caliber if I take my ADD meds.
Duo

I like this 110% money back guarantee. Can I just return it and make a profit?
eiconoclast

If videogames were murder trainers, then school shooters would be running back and forth and jumping randomly while trying to get headshots on everyone…
dculberson

I know supplements in the US aren’t regulated, but don’t the ingredients still have to be safe for human consumption? (Or am I being naive here?) I don’t take any, but still am curious. Well, I take that back – I’ve taken Melatonin a few times and it has helped me sleep.
thepez

I guess I’m just an old guy with sex on the brain – when I read the title of this post, the first thing I thought was that it was some kind of joke about erectile dysfunction – Improve Performance!
JoshuaZ

Meh, I’ll wait to buy it when they start selling the homeopathic version.
eclectro

I used to be very dismissive of all supplements, until I needed them to make myself better (which they did and continue to do so). Many (if not most if taken wrongly) supplements, such as these, could even be dangerous. But I would not in any circumstances want to see them regulated or people’s access to them restricted in any way.
morehumanthanhuman

Well gaming performance can actually be tested quite easily, especially since games have a point system. Someone should do a study on this complete with placeboes.

But I certainly found some interesting wording in the terms of service:

“TOMARNI GmbH does not warrant for defects which are caused by incorrect installation through the custumer…”

In other words you have to “install” it for it to work properly so it’s probably just nanobots or something.

I also found this funny:
”
II. If time for delivery is not being observed, and it can be proven to be due to mobilization, war, riots, strike, lockout, incorrect or late delivery by suppliers or owing to unforeseen events which lie outside of the power of TOMARNI GmbH or its suppliers, the time period for delivery is extended appropriately.”

So even if there is a nuclear war, the time period for delivery will be extended appropriatly.
KlokWerk

Are there enough gamers out there to make these things marketable? I assume the target audience is “adult gamers”, since I doubt anyone would buy them for their kids, and “serious adult gamers with disposable income” at that. So we’ve basically eliminated children, most college kids and casual players. How many people does that leave to buy these pills?

Hmmm, now that I think about it tho, maybe they are very marketable in Europe and Asia, where internet cafes are popular. I could see them flying off the shelves there if they really do help with alertness. The internet cafe gamers I’ve known were always of the “binge” variety. They didn’t head out to the cafe for anything less than 5 hours at a time if they could help it.
I LIKE STRANGE

If only roger clemons would have had these…
BrainDance

HarshLanguage, these pills already exist, tons of different ones. Google the word “Nootropics” or better yet (Far better than 5mg of caffeine) “Ampakines.”

Cognitive enhancing substances and non-stimulant stimulants that get your mind focusing and “awake” without your heart racing or blood vessels constricting.

Sadly, no one received a Nobel prize for any of them as far as I know, but whoever invented Piracetam and Modafinil deserves one.
Santa’s Knee

4 FpsBrain contains only ingredients that have been tested and are approved in Germany.

Zyklon-B?
RugerRedhawk

It’s not a beverage, they are pills.

The recommened intake for FpsBrain is two capsules per day.
Cpt. Tim

of course you could also just up your look sensitivity and get an HD tv. Don’t go running out into open spaces and make sure you have a full mag if you’re about to attack someone.
HunterZ

a German caffeine-laced vitamin beverage intended to improve your performance at playing first-person shooter games

I’d be skeptical of that claim in regards to any caffeine product. Caffeine jitters aren’t going to do much for accuracy :p

Also, I doubt it’s really intended to do anything other than sell well with gamers. I’m sure that the “guarantee” they’re offering requires little if anything to live up to.

I’ve known several people who have regularly consumed a lot of caffeine. While under the influence of heavy amounts of it, they experienced poor sleep quality and fatigue; after stopping for even a day they get chronic headaches. As a result (well, that and it acts as more of a diuretic than a stimulant for me :P), I prefer to avoid caffeine as much as possible.
RugerRedhawk

Cpt. Tim: if you up your sensitivity too much you lose precision.
Takuan

are these claims the standard text from pharmacology on the results on the human system of a cup of coffee?
andresb

I smell Tim Ferriss’ pills and business style (110% back?). Either some Germans read too much of “The 4 hour workweek” or he’s moved over there.
help i cant comfirm my username themelonbread

Hey, at least it was approved in Germany. Supplements in the U.S. have no safety standards at all.
Trantor

Would guess it also has a heavy dose of fooledyazagain (4,5,3 Trans-gamma Placeboic acid)
mortis

This just in: getting a decent amount of sleep and eating right will do the same thing…kinda like exercising and eating right will help with weight-loss. Crazy-talk, i know…
Evil Jim

Formulated from pure 100% natural placebo!