Rant on bad haircut spotted at bar

The guy who blogs at "And I Am Not Lying" is very funny. Here's his rant on a horrible haircut he recently saw.
Last weekend I saw a haircut ugly and evil enough to impregnate a nun just so it could kick her down a set of steep stairs. I’ve seen some stupid haircuts in my day, rocked more than a few regrettable ‘dos my damn self. My own hair in high school was shaven on the sides and back and semi-sorta-not-really-at-all long on the top in a ‘do that would have looked like a brain handle had I been able to pull it into a ponytail. I used to wonder why girls didn’t take me seriously.


The guy’s head was bald, shiny bald all the way back just past the apex of his dome right to where the third hair on Homer Simpson’s head would lie. There then sprung, abruptly, a dense forest of ramrod-straight hair about four inches long, spiky on the top.

Then the whole enterprise gave way to a classic Kentucky Waterfall, a pool of long brown hair flapping impudently down the back of the head and slapping the shoulders like so many dust-clotted ostrich feathers. A pair of admittedly robust sideburns jutted out from the bowels of the ‘do, embracing the man’s face like Hugh Jackman’s ‘burns in the X-Men franchise. Or like a pair of giant hairy ant mandibles. Either metaphor works.

Here’s an artist’s rendition:




  1. So would this be a future, balding head of the hard rock musician with said chops and elevated hair which at this time I am completely unable to find or think to name. *smacks head against wall.

  2. I worked with a guy who had that *exact* haircut. This was during the dotcom boom. At his retirement party (he was 34 years old)he showed up with relatively normal hair. I asked him about it. Turned out he had invented the hairstyle to piss off our manager.

  3. Ah, Jardine, in the grand old days of the Republic we had hundreds of servants to tease up our hair and thousands of bloggers to complain about it.

  4. “bowels of the ‘do” Loved that bit. I wondered what it would be like when boingboing came of age. Now I suppose I know. From back in the fifties, I think this would be known as a DA, less the D. lol Or perhaps, flat-top with fender skirts. Shit, I’m growing old by the day.

  5. It’s fun to piss off fashion freaks, and that’s what the ranter is. Grow your hair and wear your clothes within a small range of acceptable styles or you are a horrible person deserving of contempt. Arbitrary follicle lengths and patterns that we see a lot don’t disturb him but something different sets off his warning buzzer.

    It’s amazing how humans get so worked up about non-conformity and differences. We’ve got genes that make us uncomfortable around alienness. I suppose the ranters underlying instincts are telling him – this guy looks different therefor he is not from my tribe.

    I’d love to hear the ranter’s reviews of the fashions worn by different cultures in The Secret Museum of Mankind featured here yesterday: http://www.boingboing.net/2008/01/23/the-secret-museum-of.html
    I’m sure the hairstyles would give him a coronary.

    When I hear people make lists of unacceptable styles, such as socks with sandals, I make sure to break the “rules” to make the conformity-bound fashion freaks squirm.

  6. The late Mr Rogers sang, “it’s not the way you wear your hair, it’s you I like”.
    He really had an appreciation for the individual, and the freedoms our forefathers fought for.
    Everyone’s hair is ugly in it’s own way, If that’s the way you want to see it.

  7. Dude is ripe for omegaburns (chops mirrored onto the lower-back of the head) or hexachops (same as omegaburns but mirrored again on the upper-back of the head.)

  8. Anybody cares that much about some random stranger’s hair style, has something seriously wrong in their brain chemistry.

    If your hair is clean, not harboring arthropods and not teased so high that it obstructs the view, then it’s nobody’s business but your own.

    “It’s amazing how humans get so worked up about non-conformity and differences.”
    I guess some people just need an excuse to feel self-important, and blogging about “evil” haircuts seems to float this dude’s boat.

  9. Maddox spends pages seething about Crocs. It’s fun and funny to make fun of stupid shit like this.

  10. ZOMG, someone adheres to a competing fashion subculture! Quick, let us ridicule him to make ourselves feel bigger!

  11. I’m the author of that post — and those of you excoriating me for mentioning it, I actually see your point. I think the thing to remember here is that overall, it’s not a big deal either way. Blogging’s hard, a daily treadmill where you just grunt out what you can and hope for the best.

    Ultimately my world is richer for that guy being in it. Sure, I had a laugh, but it’s not like I really care, for real. I’m no model either and nobody appointed me the king of all that is beautiful.

    I just saw something I thought was funny and wrote about it in a desperate grab for attention. Comedians do this all the time while standing on a stage with a bright light shining on them. Me, I get to sit here and do it in my underpants.

    Otherwise, it’s a laugh, or it’s not and it’ll be over real fast either way.

  12. Style is a product of Risk Taking…
    & those of you who laugh @ people who take risks
    are simply too scared to be true inventors…

    I hope this guy reads this post (as a fellow individual with a f**Kd up haircut), I think he’d be stoked to have made boing boing. (i know i would be!)

  13. Yes! The mullet! I’m from Spain and it’s not just a mullet. It’s a dreadlock mullet! I’ve seen some nice locks but these kinda dreadlocks are the ones you do in a salon and they look like shit. And then in a mullet. I cannot believe someone invented this hairstyle.
    And those who own this charming thing, often dress with nappy trousers. The crotch is down to the knees…
    UGH! The horror, the horror….

  14. Wow, I’m surprised how sore people are getting over this post. It’s a comic rant on absurdity. That’s the basis for many comedians (see: Lewis Black). When someone or something stands out from the norm, they are certain to be noticed, and those who notice are certain to form an opinion. It’s a conversation. We’re so used to the same old same old that when something different comes along, we take it and run with it. Are those people “bad” for thinking this guy’s haircut is absolutely ridiculous? Are we against change? Are we against people who think and live outside the box? Are we against personal expression?

    I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’d expect others to think I’m as much of an embarrassment as I think this guy is if I had this haircut. But cheers to him for having the guts to be so uncaring. For that, I am jealous, and perhaps that’s where my negative opinion of his awful do stems from.

    That, or I’m just offended by how hideous it is.

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