Shrine to bragging, deadly Internet "mall ninja"


28 Responses to “Shrine to bragging, deadly Internet "mall ninja"”

  1. Takuan says:

    seriously, this script’s going over the fence,thanks Mall Ninja! More than good enough for TV!

  2. el_beardo says:

    Man, that guy is friggin’ AWESOME! I hope he rides a Unicorn, too!

  3. Stefan Jones says:

    I hope John Rogers reads this, and writes a script about mall ninjas.

  4. elNico says:

    When reading that I had a strange sense of deja-vu in regards to what really should be called “gun speak”…

    And sure enough…I just remembered jlbraun, the “flaming liberal” gun-slingin’ “buddhist”.

    The main thread, “Video of man firing 18 rounds from a pistol in 3 seconds”, ended up being 10 miles long sparked by a fat guy shooting fast at open space in 5 seconds or so.

    Obviously gun culture is a hot topic in the US…I wish I’d know some more good documentaries that explore it.

  5. Antinous says:

    Yeah, but 9 of those 10 miles were the aforementioned person.

  6. lf says:


    i’m with you. i got hung up on an image of mixed milks and noses.

  7. Agent 86 says:

    HA! A good assassin is never remembered, and always knows how to spell assassin!

  8. Antinous says:

    Jeez, I hope he’s not around when I go to the mall to get sodomized. That would be pretty irritating.

  9. Celestyna says:

    That’s what happens when you watch “Mannequin” more than once as a young lad.

  10. dEFROG says:

    I can’t prove this, but I’m about 65% sure that Gecko45 was my roommate in the Army. If so, I can at least verify that he once had a ninja suit and those “special boots” circa 1986-87.

  11. elNico says:


    Yes Antinous, when comparing his profile with the actual thread, there was little difference – short of a few outsider’s comments who clearly weren’t enlightened enough to truly comprehend the wisdom that results from walking around with a firearm…

    I think I’ve heard all pro and con gun arguments by now…I just want to be entertained, and pro-gunners are just much more up to the task…what would a non-mall-ninja have to talk about?

  12. Phil Ward says:

    Man the guys at glocktalk and will love to see that NSFJojo’s fame is spreading far and wide, it’s been a classic injoke for years.

    Take a look round and you can see some brilliant pictures to go on with these classic stories :D

  13. Antinous says:

    I just want to be entertained, and pro-gunners are just much more up to the task

    Yeah, but he was very repetitive. I want to hear the history of firearms, how they relate to pornography, classic film shootouts, made-up anecdotes about Charlton Heston, made-up anecdotes about Charlton Heston’s gun pornography. I’m not in the least fussy about the truth as long as it’s funny.

  14. David Carroll says:

    I can’t decide if I should nominate this guy for a Webby Award, or get him a box of Risperdal

  15. han says:

    It’s all we can hope for that he doesn’t flip out and kill people.

  16. Damon_TFB says:

    “milk-nose-sortingly great”

    I know this is a simple, forgiveable typo, but my mind couldn’t leave it alone:

    Is milk or nose being sorted?
    Or maybe it is a collection of milks and noses?
    How great is this?

  17. ernie says:

    Its easy to sit so smug at your little computer in your comfy papasan chair and laugh at heroes like this, but if we had had a few more mall_ninjas during the 80′s we would all now be kicking back enjoying an Orange Julius right now.

  18. krylon says:

    Wow, I frequent gun message boards (as a casual shooter who’s left-of-center and doesn’t think the 2nd amendment is the ONLY political issue in the world) but wasn’t aware this was what the “mall ninja” epithet referred to.

    The funny part about the I.E. page is that I can’t get the shrine of the mall ninja to load right on my copy of FF.

  19. Halloween Jack says:

    I’m guessing that this guy is deliberately tweaking the boards’ regulars, what with his talk of kneecapping “teenyboppers” who double-dip the samples at Hickory Farm.

  20. CVR says:

    He is very ‘Dwight K. Schrute’. On the other hand, there was that Omaha, Nebraska mall rampage that left 9 dead last December. But…he’s VERY Dwight K. Schrute.

  21. Anonymous says:

    What amazes me is that some folks don’t realize Gecko45′s posts were all a joke. :o

  22. dculberson says:

    I couldn’t help it. I read the whole thing. At work. That is amazing. All hail the good people helping secure the Free Mall! Huzzah! Huzzah!

    One does wonder what a golf cart armed with modified Shrikes would look like. Especially given that it’s 10′ long, 3′ wingspan, and 390 lb weight would be a little much for the average golf cart to effectively mount. Well, I’m sure they had Rancho 9000 shocks on that cart.

  23. burndownthemission says:

    When I was in high school I worked as a busboy in a country club. One of the waiters (who looked exactly like Kurt Russell’s best friend in “Overboard”) used to brag like this in total earnestness. He claimed he was trained in a form of martial arts that was 3,000 years old and was illegal to even possess knowledge of. He was trained by some kind of shaolin master who was channeling the spirit of a dead martial arts master.

    He would tell us stories about fighting 10 guys at once, jumping out of three story windows, all kinds of outrageous claims, meanwhile he was like a 200 lb waiter in an ill-fitting polyester tuxedo in upstate New York.

    Brings a tear to my eye just to think of him. He was eventually taken out by a stealth assassin squad of pagan ninjas. Tragic.

  24. mikelotus says:

    when you make fun of him it shows you hate our freedoms

  25. Teresa Nielsen Hayden / Moderator says:

    I swear I’ve met that guy. He kept trying to chat me up when I was young and unattached. Mall Ninja’s idea of flirting is to tell girls all about how he can blow away miscreants. But does he ever offer to take her shooting? Not a chance.

  26. elNico says:

    Cheesus…I had a bit of a read of that as well. Please tell me this is a mock site…

  27. Takuan says:

    You guys all stop making fun of meeeee!!

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