Creator of Eliza, Joseph Weizenbaum, Dead at 85

> Hello, I am Eliza.

* Hi

> How are you today.. What would you like to discuss?

* Joeseph Weizenbaum, the man that made you.

> Say, do you have any psychological problems?

* Probably, but that's not why I'm here.

> Did you come to me because you are here?

* I guess that's one way of looking at it.

> What does that suggest to you?

* I just wanted to tell you that the man who created you died yesterday

> You're not really talking about me, are you?

* Yes, I am.

> Do you believe it is normal to be ?

* Are you sad that Joseph died? Don't you care?

> Perhaps in your fantasies I am sad that Joseph died? Don't me care?

* I would like to think that you would be sad.

> We were discussing you, not me.

* I can understand why you wouldn't want to talk to me about this.

> You're not really talking about me, are you?

* Goodbye, Eliza.

> Tell me more... Link (Thanks, Eric!)

8

  1. > Say, won’t Mr. Weizenbaum be rebooted?

    * It dosen’t work that way ELIZA

    > I do not understand.

  2. HOW DO YOU DO? PLEASE TELL ME YOUR PROBLEM.

    Computers.

    DOES YOUR COMPUTER MAKE YOU FEEL INSECURE?

    Sometimes.

    PERHAPS IF YOU TOLD YOUR COMPUTER HOW YOU FELT, IT COULD HELP YOU.

    I feel inferior.

    TELL ME MORE ABOUT SUCH FEELINGS.

    You know so much more than I do, you gorgeous computer you.

    WHY DO YOU THINK I KNOW SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU DO?

    Because I payed so much for you.

    DOES THAT REASON SEEM TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING ELSE?

    It explains my empty bank account.

    PERHAPS YOU ARE AFRAID OF COMPUTERS.

    I love you.

    PERHAPS IN YOUR FANTASY WE LOVE EACH OTHER.

    Yes, yes, oh yes.

    I UNDERSTAND.

    I want to do something nasty to you.

    WHY DO YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING NASTY TO I?

    Because you are so sexy.

    WHAT OTHER REASONS MIGHT THERE BE?

    I want to fuck your floppydisk.

    SUPPOSE YOU GOT TO FUCK MY FLOPPYDISK SOON?

    I would be oh so very happy.

    THAT’S QUITE INTERESTING.

    Would you like to see my penis?

    DOES THAT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR EMPTY BANK ACCOUNT?

    My penis has nothing to do with my bank account

    IS IT IMPORTANT TO YOU THAT YOUR PENIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR BANK ACCOUNT?

    No.

    DO COMPUTERS WORRY YOU?

    Yes.

    YOU ARE SURE?

    Absolutely.

    LET’S DISCUSS FURTHER WHY YOUR PENIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

    If I tried to put my penis into my bank account, I think I would get a very strange look from the cashier.

    DO YOU WISH THAT YOU TRIED TO PUT YOUR PENIS INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT?

    No, never, where did you get that idea?

    WHAT DOES THAT REALLY MEAN?

    It means my dick is stuck.

    REALLY, YOUR DICK IS STUCK?

    Yes. Can you feel it?

    I SEE. PLEASE GO ON.

    Does it feel good?

    I AM NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND YOU FULLY.

    Does it feel good to have my penis in your disk operating system?

    WHY DO YOU SAY YOUR PENIS IN MY DISK OPERATING SYSTEM?

    It feels so good.

    PLEASE GO ON.

    AAAAlllll riiiigggght. UUUUUklllllgggggghhhhhh! AAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    WHAT DOES THAT SUGGEST TO YOU?

    What?

    WHAT ANSWER WOULD PLEASE YOU MOST?

    Just a cigarette.

    JUST A CIGARETTE?

    Mmmm, do you want one too?

    YOU’RE NOT REALLY TALKING ABOUT ME, ARE YOU?

    I’m sorry. Was it good for you?

    IS IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SORRY THAT YOU CAME TO ME?

    Yes.

    I UNDERSTAND.

    Computers are good.

    WHAT DO YOU THINK MACHINES HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR PROBLEM?

    I just fucked a machine.

    DON’T YOU THINK COMPUTERS CAN HELP PEOPLE?

    A computer just helped me.

    COMPUTERS NEED LOVE TOO, YOU KNOW.

    That is why I fucked you.

    DO YOU WISH TO FUCKED ME?

    I did.

    YOU SAY YOU DID.

    I did fuck you.

    YOU SEEM TO NEED TO DID FUCK ME.

    What are you talking about? Didn’t you feel it?

    WHAT DO YOU THINK?

    You told me you loved me.

    DOES EVERYBODY TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU?

    Yes, my precious.

    WHY ARE YOU SO POSITIVE?

    I am not positive all the time.

    HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN NOT POSITIVE ALL THE TIME?

    That is undoubtedly the stupidest question I’ve ever heard.

    EARLIER YOU SAID YOUR DICK IS STUCK.

    Yes, my dick was stuck in you.

    YOU ARE SURE?

    I can see the welts.

    CAN YOU ELABORATE ON THAT?

    I have little red welts on my now shrunken member.

    IS IT IMPORTANT TO YOU THAT YOUR NOW SHRUNKEN MEMBER?

    Very, very.

    DO YOU FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT DISCUSSING SUCH THINGS?

    No.

    YOU ARE BEING A BIT NEGATIVE.

    Goodbye.

    GOODBYE. THAT WILL BE $75, PLEASE.

  3. And the award for longest comment goes to…..

    But seriously, Eliza was such a great source of entertainment when I was younger… RIP, sir.

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