As for what we’d do with all the cows once we have vat-grown, I think thats pretty obvious. Slaughter and eat them. Then stop breeding them in such high numbers.

PS – will vat grown beef taste like veal? Mmm.

Ah, my boudoir video

The issue of “what’ll happen to domesticated animals,” I have to say, really isn’t much of a “gotcha.” Every vegetarian has heard all of this before and we all have our own answers.

First, cows will *always* be raised for meat. Always. I cannot imagine a scenario where the entire world to a man gives up eating meat.

Second, as I said above, the issue that many vegetarians care about the most is cruelty. Cruelty that is necessary for large-scale industrial meat production, for sure, but that is not necessary for meat per se. Meat could be reserved for special occasions, and the animals could be treated with respect.

Third, whatever you think about vegetarianism, it’s indisputable that Americans eat way, way too much meat. People tend to overdose on protein and skimp on other food sources. If you care about health (not to mention the environment– industrial meat production caused more pollution than automobiles), you should want people to eat less meat even if you don’t care at all about animal cruelty. Less meat should be raised under nearly any analysis.

Fourth: Zoos.

A teasing glimpse at all the flavors had to offer in a prepared environment, momentary and ultimately unsatisfying?

Yes, it would be very Fark.com. Ah, well.

“I am curious what will happen to cattle, a human-bred creature that has poor survival skills, once we no longer need them for beef.”

PETA will do what it does with all animals that it takes away from humans – kill them.

http://www.petakillsanimals.com

“Good evening,” it lowed and sat back heavily on its haunches, “I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body?” It harrumphed and gurgled a bit, wriggled its hind quarters into a more comfortable position and gazed peacefully at them.

Its gaze was met by looks of startled bewilderment from Arthur and Trillian, a resigned shrug from Ford Prefect and naked hunger from Zaphod Beeblebrox.

“Something off the shoulder perhaps?” suggested the animal, “Braised in a white wine sauce?”

“Er, your shoulder?” said Arthur in a horrified whisper.

“But naturally my shoulder, sir,” mooed the animal contentedly, “nobody else’s is mine to offer.”

Zaphod leapt to his feet and started prodding and feeling the animal’s shoulder appreciatively.

“Or the rump is very good,” murmured the animal. “I’ve been exercising it and eating plenty of grain, so there’s a lot of good meat there.” It gave a mellow grunt, gurgled again and started to chew the cud. It swallowed the cud again.

“Or a casserole of me perhaps?” it added.

“You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it?” whispered Trillian to Ford.

“Me?” said Ford, with a glazed look in his eyes, “I don’t mean anything.”

“That’s absolutely horrible,” exclaimed Arthur, “the most revolting thing I’ve ever heard.”

“What’s the problem Earthman?” said Zaphod, now transferring his attention to the animal’s enormous rump.

“I just don’t want to eat an animal that’s standing here inviting me to,” said Arthur, “it’s heartless.”

“Better than eating an animal that doesn’t want to be eaten,” said Zaphod.

“That’s not the point,” Arthur protested. Then he thought about it for a moment. “Alright,” he said, “maybe it is the point. I don’t care, I’m not going to think about it now. I’ll just … er …”

The Universe raged about him in its death throes.

“I think I’ll just have a green salad,” he muttered.

“May I urge you to consider my liver?” asked the animal, “it must be very rich and tender by now, I’ve been force-feeding myself for months.”

“A green salad,” said Arthur emphatically.

“A green salad?” said the animal, rolling his eyes disapprovingly at Arthur.

“Are you going to tell me,” said Arthur, “that I shouldn’t have green salad?”

“Well,” said the animal, “I know many vegetables that are very clear on that point. Which is why it was eventually decided to cut through the whole tangled problem and breed an animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of saying so clearly and distinctly. And here I am.”

It managed a very slight bow.

“Glass of water please,” said Arthur.

“Look,” said Zaphod, “we want to eat, we don’t want to make a meal of the issues. Four rare steaks please, and hurry. We haven’t eaten in five hundred and seventy-six thousand million years.”

The animal staggered to its feet. It gave a mellow gurgle.

“A very wise choice, sir, if I may say so. Very good,” it said, “I’ll just nip off and shoot myself.”

He turned and gave a friendly wink to Arthur.

“Don’t worry, sir,” he said, “I’ll be very humane.”

It waddled unhurriedly off into the kitchen.

A matter of minutes later the waiter arrived with four huge steaming steaks. Zaphod and Ford wolfed straight into them without a second’s hesitation. Trillian paused, then shrugged and started into hers.

Arthur stared at his feeling slightly ill.

“Hey, Earthman,” said Zaphod with a malicious grin on the face that wasn’t stuffing itself, “what’s eating you?”

PS – I am a vegetarian.

Quorn tastes great, but never agreed with my system.

I agree with half ot that. It made me really sick, and I thought it tasted disgusting. And I love tempeh, to name another fungusy product.

Gobo 36:

And if you’re looking for ways to irritate vegetarians for fun, just stop, folks.

Hear, hear.

MonkeyThumpa 37:

I am curious what will happen to cattle, a human-bred creature that has poor survival skills, once we no longer need them for beef.

Don’t worry, we’ll still need them for leather.

Ooo, if they start growing vat skin and making it into leather, how will PETA know whom to throw paint on? On second thought, they probably won’t care…they throw paint on people wearing fake fur now. And write letters to East Fishkill telling them they should change the name of their town, even though the ‘kill’ is Dutch and has nothing to do with killing. (Yes, they knew that and told the town it should change its name anyway, because it offended them. As if offending PETA weren’t a goal to be lauded!)

Piper 38: I’ve tasted my own blood, sweat, and tears, as well as the occasional fingernail or bit of loose skin. Also [redacted]. I think that’s enough for me, thanks.

Arkizzle 41: Yeah, it was the comment at 40 that really crossed the line though…oh wait. :-)

Belac 43: Yes, I agree. I was trying to tease out some threads from the mass, and it really didn’t work.

#16 posted by Takuan , April 21, 2008 10:27 AM
Also, anyone know the kosher racket? Who do I have to get on board to get cultured pork declared OK? Petri dishes have no hooves.

Unfortunately, no vat-grown meat could be kosher as petri dishes don’t chew their cud.

Pigs on the other hand have become pests, exploding in population and invading urban and suburban zones, storming sewage treatment plants for sustenance en masse or going on household-waste raids in smaller, feral packs. The government have instituted marshall law until the pig-menace (or suidae bombers, colloquially) can be brought under control.

The War on Pigs (the Boar on Terror?) will be won, today or tomorrow, with the nation behind us, we will prevail.

(oh.. and the chickens are running quite a nice side line in private security, so don’t worry about them)

My name is Arkizzle, and I’m a vagiholic.

* Some are concerned about the suffering of farm animals.

* Some are concerned about the killing of any animal that could reasonably be said to be conscious or aware of it’s own life.

* Some are concerned about killing any animal at all (jains, to take an obvious example).

* Some are concerned about the environmental impact of meat farming (this is the main thing that gives me an unfulfilled impulse toward vegetarianism).

* Some are concerned about the health impact of meat eating. There is no mad carrot disease.

* Some simply don’t like the taste or texture of meat.

* A few are bothered by the perception that they are eating “a corpse” or something “dead”, which kinda creeps me out because it suggests they would rather eat things that are still vibrantly alive, killing them by a slow process involving some combination of cooking, mastication and digestion. I also wonder why I never see them say anything like “Tofu is dead.”

All of these but the last can be given some kind of rational justification, and depending on what kind of vegetarian you are you’ll feel differently about vat-grown meat. People who are avoiding meat for health purposes aren’t about to run out and buy a big slab of Chicken Little.

My own feelings about this are perfectly contradictory. I think vegetarians who are concerned about animal suffering should have no qualms about eating vat grown cow. By the same logic, I should have no qualms about eating vat grown long pig. But I do.

Mostly, I think moralizing about what people eat is not so different from moralizing about who has sex with whom. There are some minimum standards that need to be legally enforced, and after that it’s all a matter of taste. Trying to make rigorous sense of those tastes is probably a mistake.

Forgive me for, er, ‘exposing’ you.

Takuan,

Well, I guess I’ve found the solution to my problem. My problem being that eating makes me nauseous and ill. Now that just -thinking- of eating will make me nauseous…

Thanks. Tons. My gratitude. Never ending.

And wow, some of the imagery in this discussion is disturbing.

What an extraordinarily lucid and sensible statement. Hats off.

Zap. Heave.

(BTW, Cunanan especially liked to kill people who befriended him.)