Steamy tell-all memoir by a Disneyland "Jack Sparrow"

Los Angeles Magazine has a tell-all memoir penned by one of the "Jack Sparrows" that play Disneyland -- a steamy tale of resistance and women throwing themselves at you.
I'll be honest: I didn’t follow all the Disney rules. I played Jack like he was real, and if a woman flirted, I would flirt back. Women loved it. But there were also women who would have too many beers at California Adventure or smuggle in alcohol you could smell on their breath, women who were clearly sloshed.

Here’s a napkin someone wrote on for me: “I will give you a blow job on your break, so sexy! Kim–714-XXX-XXXX.” I would also get offers from women in my ear: “Anything you want, just find me.” I had a girl who had turned 18 the day before. She was with a high school group, and she wrote down her room number at the Downtown Disney hotel. I had a lady hump my leg one day in the park.

Link (Thanks, Tim!)


  1. Why would anyone want to work there? I mean, this is why I won’t even go there…

  2. Having worked as a costumed character… everybody in a costume gets hit on.

    Hell, I was dressed as Tom (from Tom & Jerry) on an Irish Sea Ferry, and I got groped… as did the girl who was playing Jerry.

    Then again, kids, that *was* how I met your mother…

  3. Has anyone compared Disneyland to some kind of Nazi camp yet? I think that would be really funny.

  4. When they were building te Euro Disney(the horror) I met some of the Irish navvies off the job in Kitty O’Shea’s in Paris.

    It was there that one of them said it was called “Mauswitz” by the contractors.

    Apparently they got into trouble for this so switched to


  5. This is exactly why Disney creeps me out.

    It’s a messed up scenario in which the image broadcast to the public is relentless wholesome fun, but the treatment of the employees is emotionally abusive. And the abuse escalates in order to punish any who don’t tow the line in maintaining the absurd and stilted fantasy. It is all, at best, really rigid.

    Even as a customer (guest do not have to pay) at the park, I found it emotionally claustrophobic.

    Ick. I’m projecting and I know it, but this feels entirely too much like my childhood.

  6. Not terribly surprised that Disney has all these anal rules for a character that’s a complete rogue. If things ever get to the point that Disney is doing live porn shows, they’ll still have that no-dating rule, I betcha.

  7. What’s with all the mitching and boaning? Any job that gets me a brand new, freshly minted 18 year old girl inviting me back to her hotel room, I only have one question: Where do I sign up?

  8. On the one hand: comparing disneyland to a nazi concentration camp: tasteless and cheap.
    On the other hand: the word play – really funny.

    Is this the definition of “schaedenfreud”?

  9. arkizzle: mutual survivors of costumed gropage: she was Jerry, I was Tom, we have a FANTASTIC story for the grandkids (pending, since our kids are 6 and 9)

  10. I met that guy!

    Haha, me and my girlfriend were at DL one day and went over to Tom Sawyer Island (Which has actually been converted to the Pirates Island… I guess no kids know who the hell Tom Sawyer is anymore).

    We were walking around and Jack came over to us and said my girl has firery hair or something like that about her red hair.

    Then he told us that if we see Ariel to tell her to “keep that stupid Prince boyfriend of hers away from my boat!”

  11. 3 points penalty for calling in sick the same day that you are actually out sick? That… makes no sense.

    Do they *want* people actually coming in and sneezing and coughing all over the guests?

  12. I’m not sure how it is at Disneyland, but at WDW, the points system is more complex than the article described. There’s a matrix, which allows you to have a certain number of points in a time period, and points do go away after a certain amount of time. They’re only cumulative up to a point.

    At WDW, you get half a point for clocking in late, up to two hours. If you’re more than two hours late, you get a whole point. It used to be that you could call in sick three days in a row and only get one point (on the assumption that you are actually sick), but I’m not sure if it’s still like that.

  13. From the details in the article (a “Hillock” who was on “Veronica Mars”), it has to be this guy. I can see how he’d make a decent Jack Sparrow.

  14. If you haven’t noticed yet, that picture is of Mr Hillock as Sparrow, not one of Mr Depp.

  15. This was an amazing, well-written article.
    Wish they’d expand it: I’m sure this guy
    has a LOT more good stories to tell.

  16. #46,
    maybe they want employees to plan their sick days in advance. that’s not asking too much, is it?

  17. True about the costume thing. We started off our film society season with ‘Gorillas In The Mist’, and I rented a gorilla suit to wear while performing as sidewalk barker and usher. I admit I went to far when I said, ‘You’ll never be satisfied with a mere man after you’ve made it with a gorilla,’ but … Man, it was embarrassing! Never such groping, before or since… alas!

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