Steamy tell-all memoir by a Disneyland "Jack Sparrow"


54 Responses to “Steamy tell-all memoir by a Disneyland "Jack Sparrow"”

  1. plasma2002 says:

    I met that guy!

    Haha, me and my girlfriend were at DL one day and went over to Tom Sawyer Island (Which has actually been converted to the Pirates Island… I guess no kids know who the hell Tom Sawyer is anymore).

    We were walking around and Jack came over to us and said my girl has firery hair or something like that about her red hair.

    Then he told us that if we see Ariel to tell her to “keep that stupid Prince boyfriend of hers away from my boat!”

  2. LB says:

    3 points penalty for calling in sick the same day that you are actually out sick? That… makes no sense.

    Do they *want* people actually coming in and sneezing and coughing all over the guests?

  3. Amphigorey says:

    I’m not sure how it is at Disneyland, but at WDW, the points system is more complex than the article described. There’s a matrix, which allows you to have a certain number of points in a time period, and points do go away after a certain amount of time. They’re only cumulative up to a point.

    At WDW, you get half a point for clocking in late, up to two hours. If you’re more than two hours late, you get a whole point. It used to be that you could call in sick three days in a row and only get one point (on the assumption that you are actually sick), but I’m not sure if it’s still like that.

  4. Antinous says:

    That article makes Disneyland sound like the gulag.

  5. Tenn says:

    Haven’t you heard? It is.

  6. Takuan says:


  7. TEKNA2007 says:


  8. Tenn says:


  9. minTphresh says:

    i had sex on the sky-tram once, along, long time ago…

  10. Carl Rigney says:

    I’m confused. Why doesn’t this article mention Little Brother???

  11. Takuan says:

    Mao switch

  12. Kim Scarborough says:

    From the details in the article (a “Hillock” who was on “Veronica Mars”), it has to be this guy. I can see how he’d make a decent Jack Sparrow.

  13. Takuan says:

    I love you all

  14. Talia says:

    #12: the middle one has a sinister look about him. I’m going to go with that one.

  15. arkizzle says:


    That was great :)

  16. Tenn says:

    The interwebs, they make me happy.

  17. trimeta says:

    #17: That’s really more of a Mao swatch, wouldn’t you say?

  18. Matt Sanderson says:

    I’ve just found my dream job. I wonder if they’ll take a chubby Jack.

  19. Antinous says:

    Hello! He can rig my mainmast any day.

  20. ttcfcl says:

    If you haven’t noticed yet, that picture is of Mr Hillock as Sparrow, not one of Mr Depp.

  21. Kyle Armbruster says:

    Why would anyone want to work there? I mean, this is why I won’t even go there…

  22. gruben says:

    Disneyland is completely bizarre.

  23. arkizzle says:

    Mouse Tits NSFW(!)

    bad link previously

  24. buddy66 says:

    True about the costume thing. We started off our film society season with ‘Gorillas In The Mist’, and I rented a gorilla suit to wear while performing as sidewalk barker and usher. I admit I went to far when I said, ‘You’ll never be satisfied with a mere man after you’ve made it with a gorilla,’ but … Man, it was embarrassing! Never such groping, before or since… alas!

  25. MarkM says:

    This was an amazing, well-written article.
    Wish they’d expand it: I’m sure this guy
    has a LOT more good stories to tell.

  26. pete_darby says:

    Having worked as a costumed character… everybody in a costume gets hit on.

    Hell, I was dressed as Tom (from Tom & Jerry) on an Irish Sea Ferry, and I got groped… as did the girl who was playing Jerry.

    Then again, kids, that *was* how I met your mother…

  27. trr says:

    maybe they want employees to plan their sick days in advance. that’s not asking too much, is it?

  28. arkizzle says:


    As a groper or a gropee?

  29. Bobdotcom says:

    Can we stand one more? Mauser b*tch (mildly NSFW)

  30. pauldrye says:

    Has anyone compared Disneyland to some kind of Nazi camp yet? I think that would be really funny.

  31. error404 says:

    When they were building te Euro Disney(the horror) I met some of the Irish navvies off the job in Kitty O’Shea’s in Paris.

    It was there that one of them said it was called “Mauswitz” by the contractors.

    Apparently they got into trouble for this so switched to


  32. Tenn says:

    That is one gorgeous man. Hotter as himself than in costume, too!

  33. Pipenta says:

    This is exactly why Disney creeps me out.

    It’s a messed up scenario in which the image broadcast to the public is relentless wholesome fun, but the treatment of the employees is emotionally abusive. And the abuse escalates in order to punish any who don’t tow the line in maintaining the absurd and stilted fantasy. It is all, at best, really rigid.

    Even as a customer (guest do not have to pay) at the park, I found it emotionally claustrophobic.

    Ick. I’m projecting and I know it, but this feels entirely too much like my childhood.

  34. TEKNA2007 says:


  35. Halloween Jack says:

    Not terribly surprised that Disney has all these anal rules for a character that’s a complete rogue. If things ever get to the point that Disney is doing live porn shows, they’ll still have that no-dating rule, I betcha.

  36. Elysianartist says:

    What’s with all the mitching and boaning? Any job that gets me a brand new, freshly minted 18 year old girl inviting me back to her hotel room, I only have one question: Where do I sign up?

  37. bardfinn says:

    On the one hand: comparing disneyland to a nazi concentration camp: tasteless and cheap.
    On the other hand: the word play – really funny.

    Is this the definition of “schaedenfreud”?

  38. pete_darby says:

    arkizzle: mutual survivors of costumed gropage: she was Jerry, I was Tom, we have a FANTASTIC story for the grandkids (pending, since our kids are 6 and 9)

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