Bananas are atheist nightmares!


116 Responses to “Bananas are atheist nightmares!”

  1. Fnarf says:

    Bananas, pish tosh. The atheist’s nightmare is the durian.

  2. jazzism says:

    I believe the phrase is “confusing correlation with causation.”

  3. doug117 says:

    …”confusing correlation with causation.”

    Many are guilty.

  4. Teresa Nielsen Hayden / Moderator says:

    Antinous is having cable problems. He’ll be so sorry he missed this. Among other things, he’d have made merciless fun of all the whinies who complained that they’ve seen this before. No one sees everything the first time around, even if it’s as funny as “Dogs in Elk,” or as unforgettable as the coverage of the exploding whale.

  5. mechfish says:

    But doesn’t Kottke understand? God created humans for the express purpose of cultivating bananas until they evolved to fit the human hand!

    Thus, the banana is the misanthrope’s nightmare, because it is so manifestly the product of human-mediated selection pressure that it serves as final, clinching proof of the existence of humans!

  6. Evil Jim says:

    The coconut, now there’s proof of god’s hand in creation.

  7. Takuan says:

    hee hee! Wotta maroon! BTW, when chimps eat bananas they use the “pull tab” as a handle. These bozos also mention how god made Ebola to perfectly rampage through our systems once infected?

  8. w000t says:

    An argument this stupid could only come from a person who has only procured bananas from the grocer. Here are some Wikipedia excerpts to refute this nonsense (and yes, I know, preaching to the choir and such):

    “The banana fruit grow in hanging clusters, with up to 20 fruit to a tier (called a hand), and 3-20 tiers to a bunch. The total of the hanging clusters is known as a bunch, or commercially as a “banana stem”, and can weigh from 30–50 kg.” “The banana plant is a pseudostem that grows to 6 to 7.6 metres (20-25 feet) tall…” “Export bananas are picked green, and then usually ripened in ripening rooms when they arrive in their country of destination.” “The flavour and texture of bananas are affected by the temperature at which they ripen. Bananas are refrigerated to between 13.5 and 15 °C (57 and 59 °F) during transportation. At lower temperatures, the ripening of bananas permanently stalls, and the bananas will eventually turn grey.” “While the original bananas contained rather large seeds, triploid (and thus seedless) cultivars have been selected for human consumption. These are propagated asexually from offshoots of the plant. The plant is allowed to produce 2 shoots at a time…” “Cultivated bananas are parthenocarpic, which makes them sterile and unable to produce viable seeds. Lacking seeds, another form of propagation is required. This involves removing and transplanting part of the underground stem (called a corm). Usually this is done by carefully removing a sucker (a vertical shoot that develops from the base of the banana pseudostem) with some roots intact.” “In some countries, bananas are commercially propagated by means of tissue culture.” “This sophisticated technology allows storage and transport for 3-4 weeks at 13 degrees Celsius. On arrival at the destination the bananas are held at about 17 degrees Celsius and treated with a low concentration of ethylene.”

    And just to put a cherry on the sundae of credit for the modern grocer’s banana going to mankind: Banana production in Iceland.

  9. noen says:

    Sometimes a banana is not a banana. Especially if you really work the handle and I bet Kirk knows how to do that.

  10. Modusoperandi says:

    Takuan “These bozos also mention how god made Ebola to perfectly rampage through our systems once infected?”
    I believe that the standard answer is to blame such things on “The Fall”. Not the season, but the thing that happened when a literal Adam and his identical twin sister disobeyed an order from God (based on a threat that they could not possibly have understood) and ate something that they weren’t supposed to, way back in 4004BC or so.
    That doesn’t sound crazy, now does it? Not taking The Flood story literally, with a literal, worldwide flood and a family of eight (the only survivors of humanity) taking care of a boatload of animal “kinds” for ten months in 2348BC, now that would be crazy.
    Isn’t it amazing the things you can get people to believe when they think their immortal soul is at stake? Still, I don’t think that biblical literalism (at the expense of reality-based evidence) is what Calvin had in mind when he came up with sola scriptura.

    dbisping “they are cultists who need to be deprogrammed.”
    Nuh-uh! If they were cultists, would Ray’s Way of the Master ministry be tax exempt? I don’t think so.

    David Bruce Murray “Has anyone paused to consider that Comfort’s “atheist’s nightmare” line MIGHT have been delivered tongue-in-cheek?”
    No. Not for a second. Comfort is deadly serious. Poe’s law is Poe’s law, but Ray Comfort is Ray Comfort.

    ZehnKatzen “This has been out for a couple of years now. So late to the party on this one it’s embarrassing.”
    Not all of the information superhighway moves at superhighway speeds. I, for one, have been stuck behind this old lady on dialup for the past three exits.
    It’s not like Cameron, Comfort and those like them have stumbled their way into the real world in the past two years, anyway.

    “If you’re a non-theist or atheist, it’s taken as read that they should offiend you.”
    Offend? No. Sadden? Yes, and deeply so.

    aarontn “If this was any other religion besides christanity, boingboing would be cited as being intolerant, but because it is a christian show, it gets made fun of. True, they didn’t really do their research before this segment, I’ll give you that. But intolerance works both ways.”
    Pointing out that a buffoon is a buffoon isn’t intolerance, it’s a public duty. If it was a pair of Islamist literalists (and there are some) or Hasidim, the reaction here would be much the same, IMO. Homeopathy or ghost stories, too.

    didymos “What kind of God designs a fruit just for humans, gives it to us, and then completely eradicates it?”
    It’s a sign that we’re in the End Times. Everything bad is. Isn’t eschatology fun?

    scottfree “Look, these people aren’t dangerous: just a bunch of dumbarse fools talkin a bunch of dumbass fool shite.”
    …and if it was just the two of them, I’d agree with you. Unfortunately, they form a significant minority of the American populace. These people sit on boards of education. These people are in government. These people vote. As a pair, they’re kooks. As just two of millions, they’re a genuine threat to the continued survival of the human race (Environment? Pah! The Lord is comin’ soon! War? Pah! The Lord is comin’ soon! 9,000,000,000 dollar debt? Pah! The Lord is comin’ soon! Etc? Pah! The Lord is…well, you get the idea).

    vision4bg “Poor example for evolution at work.”
    What you should’ve said was “If evolution is so real, why can’t they evolve to not taste like shit?”. Then maybe you could’ve linked Darwin to Hitler, or added a paragraph about how you’ll believe evolution when you see a lizard give birth to a parrot. Yes, I’m snippy tonight. I stubbed my toe, and have only myself to blame.

  11. Village Idiot says:

    Panama disease is proof of the existence of Satan. I mean, duh!

  12. Bonk says:

    You’re never going to believe this fellas. I was JUST FINISHING A BANANA as I watched this video.

    I’m saved!

  13. scottfree says:

    But bananas are really the opposite of what nature intended. In nature, green means go, and yellow means careful. In bananas, yellow means go for it and green means stop, you gotta wait. Red means whoa, you got one freaky banana.

    Look, these people aren’t dangerous: just a bunch of dumbarse fools talkin a bunch of dumbass fool shite. If you start reading any more into it than that, you will probably lose your mind.

  14. Modusoperandi says:

    RandyMorris “Corey really does not post anything other than OLD lame stuff like this and advertisements for his writing.”
    It’s Cory’s site. As such, he can do as he damn well pleases.

    “He is just angry at christians cause he is gay and wants to be self-validated.”
    Actually, if the filthy background of the Christian Right is any indication, he should become an Evangelical (ne Fundamentalist) and decry the very thing in others that haunts him. Becoming part of the “oppressed” majority and oppressing a genuinely oppressed minority is the way to go, I think. I, for one, plan to start a successful and profitable mega-church and, after hunting down a number of anti-intellectual passages from the Bible, will go after those damn nerds. Nerds! What has science ever done for us, anyway?

  15. Evil Jim says:

    @ #5 Historyman68
    Great comic on the subject. Thanks for the link!

  16. Takuan says:

    ah thanks, Historyman, yeah!

  17. emic says:

    … and the way the sun sets at night so that prime-time TV looks better. spooky.

  18. Cpt. Tim says:

    “For all my rational Western intellect and education, I was for the moment overwhelmed by a primitive sense of living in a world ordered by a malign and perverted god, and it coloured my view of everything that afternoon – even the coconuts. The villagers sold us some and split them open for us. They are almost perfectly designed. You first make a hole and drink the milk, and then you split open the nut with a machete and slice off a segment of the shell, which forms a perfect implement for scooping out the coconut flesh inside. What makes you wonder about the nature of this god character is that he creates something that is so perfectly designed to be of benefit to human beings and then hangs it twenty feet above their heads on a tree with no branches.

    Here’s a good trick, let’s see how they cope with this. Oh, look! They’ve managed to find a way of climbing the tree. I didn’t think they’d be able to do that. All right, let’s see them get the thing open. Hmm, so they’ve found out how to temper steel now, have they? OK, no more Mr Nice Guy. Next time they go up that tree I’ll have a dragon waiting for them at the bottom.

    I can only think that the business with the apple must have upset him more than I realised.”

    douglas adams

  19. Takuan says:

    people should try living without a soul. It’s very liberating.

  20. alexx says:

    @ #6: Very true. How strange is it that an ultra-religious clip like this could also double as homoerotic.?

  21. NickD says:

    How does he explain watermelons? They are pretty damn awkward to carry and you need a knife to get to the fruit. I guess god did not intended for us to eat them.

  22. dbisping says:

    ray comfort and kirk cameron are as dangerous as they are stupid. they are cultists who need to be deprogrammed.

    ray comfort has been part of the movement to declare that he isn’t part of a religion. he does this because of all of the negative connotation with terrorists, fanatics, sex abusers and other such gems of the type.

    as funny as that video is, that’s what 12% of the US population thinks. the military in the US is made up of 30% of similarly minded people. these people are truly frightening and much less of a fringe influence than they should be.

  23. David Stein says:

    Dude! I contributed this exact video SIX MONTHS AGO – in response to the “the lack of life spontaneously arising in peanut butter disproves evolution” video – and it was just flatly ignored. >:(

    I’m not bitter. Nooooooo, not at all. ;)

    Glad to see the video made it up here… it’s a hoot!

    - David Stein

  24. Xopher says:

    Jeroenemans 26:

    Kirk Cameron is not a ‘former’ TV star!!! He still stars in the hearts of all of us!! Oh just remember the trouble he got himself into as Mike Seaver :D

    I remember what a cute BUTT he had as Mike Seaver, but that’s about it. (I refer only to those episodes filmed after October 12, 1988, of course.)

    I would like to point out that a really solid log of shit is shaped pretty much like a banana, sometimes. Comfort and Cameron, please eat.

    I don’t care what religion an idiot is, I’ll make fun of hir. I was just making fun of some (non-religious) atheist idiots on another site the other week, so you don’t even have to be ANY religion to get made fun of by me…just have to be an idiot.

  25. arkizzle says:

    Dan @ 61
    That article is a beautiful example of Douglas Adams wonderful mind. Thanks.

  26. Leonard Low says:

    The CACTUS… the creationist’s nightmare!

    Note the outward pointing spikes. If you look at the human hand, you’ll see that it’s fleshy and soft, and ideal for being impaled on the spines of the cactus!

  27. Jack Crosby says:

    I think they mistakenly just proved evolution.

    Bananas are so well designed by god that they’re also monkey compatible.

  28. noen says:

    aarontn — Intolerance works both ways

    Well sure it does. I’m sure one could find examples from both sides. However this particular argument is really really bad and deserves to be ridiculed. As far as other religions being exempted, no I don’t think so. They’re just not as relevant to us. I have seen some equally bad arguments coming from fundamentalist Islam. Such as claims about oddly shaped trees that seem to form the Arabic script for Allah. These are supposed to be proofs of the divine and are no better than similar bogus “proofs” from fundamentalist Christians. Fundamentalism is a real problem around the world but here in the US it’s mostly seen as a Christian phenomenon.

  29. strathmeyer says:

    Ugh, Jason runs a two year old meme and I have to see this thing mentioned five more times?

  30. fuzzycuffs says:

    Never mind that modern bananas are the product of many years of human crossbreeding so that they turn out the way they do.

    Check out a wild banana, and then come back and say that it fits perfectly in the hand. Protip: it’s shaped like a football, the stuff inside is really ugly and tastes terrible.

  31. Anonymous says:

    1: Eating too many bananas is deadly. Look it up.
    2: Bananas are engineered by men. They are incapable of reproducing on their own.
    3: As a thinking, intelligent Christian with degrees in biology and english, I hate Kirk Cameron

  32. Anonymous says:

    david stein, I saw your link in the peanut butter story. It was awesome.

  33. jackalopemonger says:

    Bevatron @56: word.

  34. jesushootscores says:


    that vid is soo old.

  35. Apstick says:

    No, it’s true, as #35 pointed out, bananas allowed us to create banana republics, thereby extending Manifest Destiny beyond the western US. Win!

  36. Modusoperandi says:

    Takuan; try living without pants. You’ll never look back.

  37. Tenn says:

    Well, I do get strawberry-skin when I eat bananas… I wouldn’t go so far as to call them nightmares?

  38. Chocolatey Shatner says:

    I love studying well-made bananas… Antinous, you know what I’m talking about ;)

  39. eustace says:

    I’m late to the party again, but props to Historyman for the comic. And to those complaining about how old the vid was (a complaint that gets little traction here) – it was worth it for the comic link, IMHO.

  40. Takuan says:


  41. Patchouli Pete says:

    You see, this is what us atheists don’t understand. It doesn’t matter what he’s saying, or whether it stands any scrutiny or logic. Christianity is about faith. You might be thinking about the logic behind it, but the indented audience are hearing the following: “Look, I am a likeable chap, I’m not stupid or stuttering or have duct-tape around my glasses like you and all your other Christian friends, so don’t worry! You can be like me!”

  42. Burns! says:

    I feel dirty. So very, very dirty.
    (And, strangely aroused.)

  43. David Bruce Murray says:

    Has anyone paused to consider that Comfort’s “atheist’s nightmare” line MIGHT have been delivered tongue-in-cheek?

    I saw this clip two or three years ago, and the reactions were similar.

  44. Takuan says:

    it’s still funny

  45. lukobe says:

    That is seriously one of the most awesome videos I’ve ever seen on YouTube, and that’s saying a lot.

  46. Jeroenemans says:

    Kirk Cameron is not a ‘former’ TV star!!! He still stars in the hearts of all of us!! Oh just remember the trouble he got himself into as Mike Seaver :D

    Oh and they aired ‘Left Behind’ as a regular ‘crappy’ thriller some months ago here in the Netherlands at midnight… it made me laugh that they put all these ‘call mature ladies now to get off within the minute’ commercials inbetween

  47. pyota says:

    thank you almighty god

  48. Pip_R_Lagenta says:

    “…even curved toward the face…”

    I don’t see it.

    My experience with bananas is that they are “curved toward the face”, to one degree or another, only about half the time.

  49. Caroline says:

    Not only other primates, but other countries use the “pull tab” as a handle. My best friend is from Poland; her entire family does it that way.

    Also, look at any cartoon of the classic banana-peel slip gag. The “pull tab” is sticking up — implying that the banana was opened from the other, non-pull-tab end.

    (My boyfriend and I once had a long conversation about what that meant about when Americans started opening their bananas from that end, and why the change might have come about.)

  50. nex says:

    BTW, when chimps eat bananas they use the “pull tab” as a handle.

    As do many humans. It’s not terribly intuitive, so it takes some effort (observation, experience, …) to figure out, but this is actually the best way to eat bananas. Try it.

    Has anyone paused to consider that Comfort’s “atheist’s nightmare” line MIGHT have been delivered tongue-in-cheek?

    There’s nothing wrong with pointing out that the characters in the video are complete morons, whether some of their lines are failed attempts at humour or not.

    And, yes, this video is ancient; I am shocked and appalled that so many here hadn’t seen it yet. You guys better spend more time in the tubular blogosphere, or you’ll have your surfing licences revoked.

  51. Daemon says:

    All things considered, I suspect they more often feature in the nightmares of ultraconservatives who vote in favour of laws banning sex toys.

  52. ZehnKatzen says:

    Calling boingboing on this.

    This has been out for a couple of years now. So late to the party on this one it’s embarrassing.

    Even later to the party than me on a lot of stuff. And that’s saying something.

    @22: if Comfort’s ‘atheist’s nightmare’ remark is anything, it’s condescending sarcasm slaying a strawman of his own making. He and Kirk Cameron have made a wonderful living of traveling the world with these childish ‘proofs’ of God’s existence (unashamedly and arrogantly Cameron brags that he will, in just a few words scientifically prove the existence of a Creator and then rolls out the old ‘it’s too complicated to have just happened’ special pleading).

    I suppose it beats working for a living.

    The only thing more painful is seeing atheists take them on. Not because such ignorance doesn’t deserve to be battled … it does … but regardless of how these ‘debates’ play out, after each embarrassing, childish display of this shallowness they smugly walk off as though they’ve nailed it somehow, and people are left with the impression that these witlings are somehow real deep theological intellects.

    I’d like to say that there’s more below the surface of their ‘proof’, but there isn’t. That’s all there is to it; using teleology to explain why a banana is like using a battle axe to do brain surgery.

    If you’re a non-theist or atheist, it’s taken as read that they should offiend you. If you are a thoughtful, intelligent theist they should make you angry. They pass off glib as intellect.

  53. error404 says:

    #5 historyman68

    Thanks, you saved me from aving to search through the entire back catalogue of Overcompensating to findthe Weedmaster P and the banana strip.

  54. Modusoperandi says:

    Ah, yes. I had forgotten that you were on my mailing list. Also, I forgot that I was on yours. Nice family Christmas card photo, by the way.

  55. Jeroenemans says:

    Oh yeah… and something to many of you… calling someone on their post being ancient is sooo 2007

  56. SamF says:

    Fine. God made the banana. Whatever.

    It took man to dip it in chocolate, coat it in batter, and deep fry it.

    Also, the banana takes 2 hands to open, which means you have to put down your beer. Pizza is a far superior achievement.

  57. kloppervok says:

    “I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.”
    “But,” say Man, “the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.”
    “Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t though of that” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

  58. ZehnKatzen says:

    @79: Yes, yes they are dangerous. Here’s how that one works:

    1. Cameron/Comfort spew their spew. This insult to the intelligence is still running on such downmarket spirituality outlets as Trinity Broadcasting Network.
    2. Credulous know-little viewers suck it up without critical thought.
    3. Said viewers then elect members of school boards, boards of education, and presidents.

    People like this gave us the Kansas Board of Education and the current President.

    Comical? Yes. Dangerous? You bet.

  59. Anonymous says:

    Kirk was totally blown away. In awe, even. I was mildly amused and mostly bored.

    If God designed it, why couldn’t he design it with a longer shelf life. I usually end up throwing spoiled bananas to the squirrels. They could give a hoot about its shape unless they’re trying to carry it up a tree to munch. Then you should hear them be-atch.

  60. arkizzle says:

    #72 Pip


    The last banana I locked horns with curved distinctly ‘away’ from my face (like a hand gun). I tried and tried to guide it’s contra-curved tip toward my mouth, but tragically, it was not to be so. The angle was all wrong, an outward-facing reverse-banana if you will. All I got was it’s convex curve, flat to my lips.

    I went hungry that day, and could feel the banana’s mocking stare, as it lay on the bench beside me.. knowing it was curved in the wrong direction, knowing I would never be able to utilize it’s valuable nutrition.

    There was no mistake. This was not the work of god, this was Satan’s banana.

  61. Jubal Cain says:

    This is my favorite religious (for entertainment purposes only) TV show!
    I’ve always called it “YOU’RE GOING TO HELL With Kirk Cameron“.

  62. arkizzle says:

    Paul (111) from the debunking vid:

    “The big bang was likely a big collision of two objects”?

    Has anyone else got anything on that? It sounds ridiculous at first, and at second, but it’s only marginally less mind-warping than the singularity, which has no causal theories I can think of. Obviously: what were the two objects? How were they travelling at speed? How did they manage to meet in infinite space? Is there any more of these 1/2-universe-mass objects floating around, waiting to bump into something?

    Perhaps this is the answer to the old paradox: What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object?

    A big bang.

  63. Teresa Nielsen Hayden / Moderator says:

    It’s all perfectly logical. Jesus didn’t say he came for the smart people; he said he came for everyone. Therefore, some of his followers are bound to be thick as two short planks. It follows that some of them will at times say magnificently dumb things, and the rest of us will make fun of them.

  64. Mikey Likes BoingBoing says:

    “Behold the atheist’s nightmare…Now if you study a well-made CUCUMBER…

    (Available only via Pay Per View)

  65. PaulR says:

    This video underscores just how bad these folks are at observation.

    If you’ve actually watched a primate in the wild eat a banana, you might have noticed that they start at the other end from the “pull tab”. It’s much easier to open the banana this way.

    Try it.

    You’re welcome.

  66. David D. says:

    Wait–I’m supposed to peel bananas before I eat them?

  67. Robotech_Master says:

    I wonder what that fellow would make of the fact that God is now taking the edible banana away from us.

  68. sonny p fontaine says:

    mike seavers best friend was boner…

  69. JFlex says:

    Ray Comfort!!!!

    If you poke around for a while, you’ll find a bunch of amazing Ray Comfort clips, including one where he claims to have wrestled an alligator.

  70. jackalopemonger says:

    Ahhhh…. a classic.

    #13: mind citing your source on those statistics? I’m quite sure it’s true, but I’m collecting those sorts of entertaining military tidbits for my own purposes.

  71. umgrego2 says:

    #75 Arkizzle

    Thanks for the tears.

  72. kgb says:

    jackalopemonger: Then you’ll be interested in this factoid.

  73. Jason McIntosh says:

    People who are moaning about this being soooo oooold:

    You wrote your comments well after many people wrote comments of their own that clearly indicated they had just seen this for the first time. Do you not see the disconnect, here?

  74. JDspeeder1 says:

    #29 “If you are a thoughtful, intelligent theist they should make you angry.”

    I am and it does. It’s whackjob arguments like this that make all believers look like idiots. In the end, any supposed “proof” of God’s existence will be ridiculous because it’s irrelevant. Faith doesn’t need proof.

  75. Jay Levitt says:

    Critically important note…

    In case anyone else hasn’t seen this clip before, and has a short attention span, and only watches the first part:

    Kirk Cameron has NOT turned into a funny-looking middle-aged guy with a mustache. Kirk Cameron comes on in the next scene. We’re not getting old. Nope.

  76. JMG says:

    In the interest of fairness, Ray Comfort has conceded that the banana example is severely flawed:

    The clip is still hilarious, of course.

  77. Dirk says:

    This post would also work on Fleshbot.

  78. aarontn says:

    If this was any other religion besides christanity, boingboing would be cited as being intolerant, but because it is a christian show, it gets made fun of. True, they didn’t really do their research before this segment, I’ll give you that. But intolerance works both ways.

  79. ZehnKatzen says:


    I wonder how much money Comfort and Cameron have as income in a year from these stunts.

    Enough that they can travel the country with this dog’n’dumbass show, make videos and have a regular television show on The Blasphemy Trinity Broadcasting Network and for Cameron to write at least one banal book on how wonderfully his life has worked out for him.

    But exactly how much? For shame you should ask! That’s oppression, man! (all the moreso for having the temerity to wonder perforce that the hard-earned donations of their congregants is being used for anything other than crass self-aggrandizement! For shame!)

  80. jackalopemonger says:

    #39: thanks for the link!

    #43: Yeah, you’re wrong. That’s okay, though. You keep wringing your hands about those poor, persecuted Christians. They’re definitely the underdogs here.

  81. NaR says:

    “a pointed end for ease of entry that fits perfectly in the mouth.”


  82. vision4bg says:

    How do bananas evolve when they do not reproduce? All bananas are grown from cuttings.

    I once read an article about how they get seeds, and it involves mashing up a huge amount of bananas in the hope that one of them will be a mutant that produces a seed.

    The article described “the Honduran Foundation of Agricultural Research hand pollinating, peeling and sieving 400 tonnes of bananas to find a few seeds, from which only one resistant plant was grown.”

    Poor example for evolution at work.

  83. Trent Hawkins says:

    to #43: Well I’ve been checking on stories like the one about the baby drop ritual or religious police baning “red” or any topic about Tom Cruise, and oddly enough there was no mention of Intolerance when people made fun of their stupidity.

  84. 21stCenturyDandy says:

    Well, color me converted!

    Unable to find a transcript of this glorious vid, I made my own. May it edify the heathen masses:

    RAY COMFORT: (Earnestly) Behold! The atheist’s nightmare. Now if you study a well-made banana, you’ll find on the far side there are three ridges; on the close side, two ridges. If you get your hand ready to grip a banana, you’ll find on the far side, there are three grooves; on the close side, two grooves. The banana and the hand are perfectly made, one for the other. You’ll find the maker of the banana — Almighty God — has made it with a non-slip surface. It has outward indicators of inward contents: green, too early; yellow, just right; black, too late. Now if you go to the top of a banana, you’ll find — as with the soda can makers, who’ve placed a tab at the top — so God has placed a tab at the top. When you pull the tab, the contents don’t squirt in your face. You’ll find the wrapper, which is biodegradable, has perforations. Notice how gracefully it sits over the human hand. Notice it has a point at the top for ease of entry. It’s just the right shape for the human mouth. It’s chewy, easy to digest, and it’s even curved towards the face to make the whole process so much easier. Seriously, Kirk, the whole of Creation testifies to the genius of God’s creative –

    KIRK CAMERON: (Interjecting goonishly) Oh, it absolutely –

    On an entirely unrelated note, why can’t I upload a picture to my new Boing Boing profile? I’m trying a to upload a normal sized (280×300) JPG file, but I keep getting the following error message: Oops, something went wrong: Invalid value “smallme.jpg” for profile field: photo

    Does this mean God hates me?

  85. Halloween Jack says:

    it made me laugh that they put all these ‘call mature ladies now to get off within the minute’ commercials inbetween

    Well, gotta get in some quality time with the Whore of Babylon before the plagues start…

  86. NaR says:

    “How does he explain watermelons?

    Watermelons you can just step on to open. Messy and wasteful, but they’re still easy.

    What about cows? Or ducks? You ever try to catch a duck, snap its neck, pluck it, roast it and then eat it? This is NOT evidence of a benign God making food for humans to eat.

    Hell, he hid truffles under moldy leafs and made it so only pigs can find the damned things.

  87. historyman68 says:

    @43: Oh yeah, because if we had the Dalai Lama or an important Rabbi going on video saying that the banana is proof of God, we’d all be like “that’s so true!”

    No, logical fallacies are logical fallacies. Have you missed every story where BoingBoing takes people who aren’t Christians to task for being idiots?

  88. CastanhasDoPara says:

    If you think these two people are scary and wrong, check this out.

  89. historyman68 says:

    @44: thanks, I was looking for that!

  90. NaR says:

    If this was any other religion besides christanity, boingboing would be cited as being intolerant, but because it is a christian show, it gets made fun of. True, they didn’t really do their research before this segment, I’ll give you that. But intolerance works both ways.

    You’ve got your intolerance backwards.

    It’s actually intolerant that people won’t tolerate mocking stupid in any religion. Stupid is stupid, and should be mocked no matter what.

    And the mockers of stupid should be not only tolerated, but exalted.

  91. ZehnKatzen says:


    Kirk Cameron has NOT turned into a funny-looking middle-aged guy with a mustache.

    No, that much is true. Kirk Cameron is actually Ray’s meal ticket.

    Kirk has, OTOH, not changed much at all since he quit acting, which is actually very disturbing the more you think about it.

  92. Enochrewt says:

    @Aarontn: The problem with intolerance is that it’s unacceptable to make fun of the quality and antics in other religion’s propaganda, not that it’s ok to just make fun of Christianity’s. I’d say that it’s probably not ok to actually belittle the actual religion, but the idiotic vehicle of bananas are proof of God, and their attempt to convert people is fair game.

    But it’s never not ok to make fun of Kirk Cameron, so fire away!

  93. Talia says:

    #43: huh? It’s being mocked because it’s profoundly stupid, not because it’s Christian.

  94. Keneke says:

    Old meme is old.

  95. ill lich says:

    “Now see. . . how my penis is perfectly suited to my right hand . . . God MUST have intended. . . ” (transmission cuts off).

    Circular logic for (circular) jerks.

    Why did god make bacon so delicious if we’re not supposed to eat it?

  96. SamSam says:

    vision4bg: Un-cultivated bananas have dozens of seeds and reproduce sexually. Human selection has cultivated bananas that are seedless, and we reproduce those asexually.

    Here’s a picture of a wild banana’s seeds:

    Seedless grapes are no different. I think few would argue that seedless grapes weren’t created by humans.

  97. Kibble says:

    I use the phrase, “No…it’s turtles, all the way down” from time to time.

    People rarely ever know what the hell I’m talking about. Those few who do generally burst out laughing (if I’ve used the line effectively), which causes everyone else to look at both of us with quizzical expressions, instead of just at me.

    So I, at least, feel comfortable mocking all religions.

  98. Bevatron Repairman says:

    If bananas really are the creation of God, how come they are so completely revolting?

  99. Mikey Likes BoingBoing says:

    “Notice how gracefully it sits over the human hand. Notice it has a point at the top for ease of entry, just the right shape for the human mouth…it’s even curved toward the face to make the whole process so much easier.”

    Please. This “banana is an atheist’s nightmare” lunacy was just a dodge for these Christofascists to create a thinly veiled piece of homoerotica. No doubt Ted Haggard et al had it bookmarked.

    It would be hilarious if someone dubbed in some ’70s era porn music in the background…”just the right shape” (chicka chick WAHHHHH) … LOL

  100. Scarybug says:

    It’s perfectly fair to bring up this video after it’s new, seeing as how the video itself is just a rehash of the Ontological Argument refuted by the likes of Kant, and demolished by Mark Twain in a 1903 Scientific American article. “Was The World Made for Man?”

  101. ZehnKatzen says:

    @92: Gah.

    I liked it better the first time, when Dr. Gene Scott did it. At least his mouth wasn’t a toilet. And the cameraman didn’t use the zoom like it was his personal plaything.

    Also, you wasted the opportunity for a perfectly good rickroll. Just sayin’ there.


    These days, the word “Pastor” seems just another word for “person who can’t find an honest job”.

  102. Mikey Likes BoingBoing says:

    #58: You can lead a fundy-Christian Talibanist to the facts, but you can’t make him think.

  103. bardfinn says:

    I wonder how much money Comfort and Cameron have as income in a year from these stunts.

  104. zjmna says:

    Just goes to show, the world only makes sense when you force it to…

    And sometimes that takes thousands of years of theological refinement. Thanks to everyone who posted the quotes from Douglas Adams, it’s an eminently palatable version of what I’ve been thinking for a while.

    Also, I’d like to think Kirk realizes just how homoerotic Comfort is being and is laughing at him, but I think that’s being optimistic about the entire affair.

  105. RandyMorris says:

    Cry rlly ds nt pst nythng thr thn LD lm stff lk ths nd dvrtsmnts fr hs wrtng.
    Gt rd f ths gy.
    H s jst ngry t chrstns cs h s gy nd wnts t b slf-vldtd.

  106. Dan Wineman says:

    A Douglas Adams quote that is even more apropos than the excellent ones already posted:

    This is rather as if you imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, “This is an interesting world I find myself in — an interesting hole I find myself in — fits me rather neatly, doesn’t it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!” This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, it’s still frantically hanging on to the notion that everything’s going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise.

    Full text here.

  107. scottfree says:

    Probably, and I’m cutting comments short today because heat is causing my already knackered keyboard to misbehave, this isn’t intended to convert, but to reinforce the beliefs of those already in that scene. As someone with minority political ideology, meaning a member of a fairly insular scene, I can tell you, some of the stuff people cook up seems like it’s for people who don’t already know, but the only people who read it are those who do, anyway…and readers of Private Eyes’ Pseuds corner, sometimes.

    I’m sure we can find an x list celebrity to do pro evolution shorts, if anybody is that worried. But I think the fact we might need to would cause me to finally lose all hope for humanity.

  108. Anonymous says:

    This isn’t just about not “do[ing] their research”- the argument is bad even if we concede their point (and ignore the history of the banana, etc). The banana is the “perfect fruit” only in comparison… with every other fruit. Does this mean that every other fruit disproves god? Or does this only indicate that god hates everyone who lives outside the banana’s natural habitat range?

  109. Anonymous says:

    This banana seems even more intelligently designed for all sorts of apes who like bananas equally well if not more so then we do, need to grip them perfectly, and may behold the wonder of the tab at the top and the maker who put it there for them to behold.

  110. Paul Nichols says:

    I much prefer the video that debunks this. Not that anyone should need to have this debunked for them…

  111. Brodan says:

    I see this as more proof for evolution then anything else.
    Monkeys still eat banana’s too. But man eats more meat, that gave us the added nutrients to develop larger brains that need lots of energy just to be maintained, not a good for survival unless we use them. And you don’t develop the higher brain functions, necessary to invent weapons, and language to plain and organize a party to hunt a banana.

  112. Takuan says:

    gee Randy,thanks for sharing…not.

  113. Mikey Likes BoingBoing says:

    Hey wait a minute…chimps like bananas too…OH MY GOD THE BANANA PROVES DARWIN WAS RIGHT!!!! :-)

  114. didymos says:

    I wonder how one reconciles this with the fact that the bananas that God has “designed” for humans are now in danger of being wiped out by Panama disease?

    I mean, really. What kind of God designs a fruit just for humans, gives it to us, and then completely eradicates it?

    Either Kirk Cameron is completely wrong about bananas, or his god is a complete dick.

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