Fake speed bumps painted on roads


31 Responses to “Fake speed bumps painted on roads”

  1. FrankenPengie says:

    Where can I sign up to get paid $60 – %80 for spending 5 mins painting a simple graphic in the street?

    …yeah, I know, plus gas + travel time…

  2. seyo says:

    I don’t slow down for speed bumps, real or imaginary.

  3. hohum says:

    mmm… trompe l’Å“il…

  4. WeightedCompanionCube says:

    Paint this on the road and see what happens:


    And those speedometer signs?

    Guess what happens when the police put on one in the middle of a steep downhill grade, right after a slight turn, set to flash red at TEN UNDER the posted speed limit?

  5. midknyte says:

    As noted in this similar (fake?) advertising campaign, it’s a very stupid and dangerous idea…


  6. catbeller says:

    Sneakier: mechanical speedbump, one that adjusts itself in height depending on your speed. Go the limit, no bump. A little over, small bump to tell you to behave. WAY over, you tear your axle out when you try to mount a wall.

  7. Dmitri says:

    Actually these fake ones have been around for many years here in Sweden. It was a big new thing when they first came out (I think around 6 years ago), and they maintained them for a while, now they don’t anymore. Here they made very low speedbumps and painted them to look higher with the “3D paint”. So I am guessing that the cost was higher then simply painting it, but so was the effect. Still it turned ineffective after a while I guess.

    #19 if you go over a real speedbump at around 60-90km/h (depending on the bump) you will barely notice it, especially in a car with a softer suspension. I accidentally drove over a bump once doing 90, and was surprised when I barely noticed it. Although I have been too chicken to try it again ;)
    This is by design so that emergency vehicles don’t have to slow down, since that would be stupid.

  8. Patchouli Pete says:

    “These so-called ‘speed bumps’ are a waste of time. If anything, they slow you down!”

  9. MB says:

    They should paint babies on the road, or something.

  10. Stanium says:

    The fake speed bumps are great idea, but it is obvious the effect won’t last long.

  11. Anonymous says:

    I wish they’d just put more left turn arrows on traffic lights so people wouldn’t have to play chicken with the oncoming traffic.

  12. Takuan says:

    That would be senseless cruelty. Think of the blunted fangs and cries of disappointed betrayal.

  13. spazzm says:

    Replace them with real ones once the morons think they’ve worked out which ones are fake.

    How about a speed camera, but instead of taking the speeder’s picture, it hurls a brick through his/her windshield?

    I’m joking, but people who drive fast through built-up areas deserve to suffer.

  14. Alex says:

    Speed bumps became ineffective once I realized that you barely notice them if you go fast enough.

  15. romulusnr says:

    Clearly the NHTSA is no good at fucking with people.

  16. geo the moose says:

    fake speedbumps require fake slowdowns.

  17. justin(pusha) says:

    Anyone who uses StumblUpon or receives chain emails was hopeful that this 3d chalk crap finally had died off. But Nope. It’s Back!!!

  18. TonksPlum says:

    #16 You must have a very good car suspension system or daddy buys you a new one every couple of miles. :p

  19. rg says:

    Maybe just place some fake news reports of real big speed bumps being put into rotation, looking just like the painted ones?

    Then some fake outcry about damaged cars, etc.

    As long as you’re doing fakery, do it up!

  20. dainel says:

    #8 seyo and #16 Alex, who don’t slow down for real speed bumps, that’s why double bumps were invented. There’s one in front of a school near my house. They’re very small, but right next to each other. The distance is such that you hit the second bump while your car is still trying to recover from the first one.

    Most people slow down to about 30-40kmh (25mph) for normal bumps, but for this double bump, you really have to slow down to about 10kmh. Any faster than that and your car will shake violently. If you try to take them at 25mph, I’m pretty sure your car will be lying in pieces on the road side. OK, that might be an exaggeration, but there’s a good chance you’d actually break something as the bottom of your car hit the top of the second bump.

  21. assumetehposition says:

    Anything that distracts drivers from actual obstacles that may be their path of travel is a bad thing. That includes cell phones, fake speed bumps, bugs on the inside of your windshield, and hard-to-read billboards.

    Exceptions include exotic cars, highway patrol cars and hot biker chicks.

  22. Fnarf says:

    The excellent thing about this is that they train drivers to think that speed bumps are fake, thus increasing the likelihood that someone will proceed to hit a real one at top speed. Hilarity will ensue, especially if it’s your differential lying in the roadway.

  23. TonksPlum says:

    They would be more effective if real “movable” ones where added to the mix.. This way, just when motorists think they know which is fake/ real, they have to figure it out all over again.

  24. howshouse says:

    this uses julian beever’s concept of 3d painting. see some of his amazing works at http://www.impactlab.com/2006/03/09/amazing-3d-sidewalk-art-photos/

    I don’t see the point of these imaginary bumps… i a matter of time, they’ll lose their effect and everybody will be zooming past them like when they weren’t there before

    artsy-minded town council?

  25. Howlsthunder says:

    I found the best policy to be one I found outside of Denver – this neighborhood had 40mph signs posted everywhere but then ALSO had speedbumps. Assuming 40 was a safe speed to be going when driving over these speedbumps I was quickly amazed that I didn’t leave a part of my car behind after the first one. I halved my speed REAL quick despite the continued encouragement of the 40mph signs. O_O;

  26. Yoder says:

    Yeah, the thing to do is figure out some optimal mix of real/fake bumps. As long as you’re replacing some of the real ones, you’re saving money.

  27. kromekoran says:

    my city put up these radar speedometer thingymabobs on a street by my house. it tells you how fast you’re going, and if you’re more than 3mph above the limit it tells you to slow down, then it flashes you. but it doesn’t take your picture because it’s not at an intersection. it just flashes you. highly annoying, but like these speedbumps, completely ineffective after about a week.

    wonder how much of my tax money they wasted on that shit.

  28. Man On Pink Corner says:

    Potholes do the same thing, and they’re free.

  29. Antinous says:

    Paint a few hundred dollar bills on the street. That’ll really slow down traffic.

  30. Anonymous says:

    Actually, one of the places they tested this was a block from my house, on a street I drove daily.

    Never once did they look like speed bumps to me, nor my family. Besides, the streets they tested these on, was a residential, and once you realized they weren’t speed bumps, you never slowed down again.

    Not to mention the west side of the road was entirely elderly housing, so traffic was naturally kept at a limit.

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