Porky princess tiara HOWTO

You know you've wanted to wear a tiara made of bacon all your life. Well, now's your chance, and here's your instruction manual, my little porkblossom. Honestly, though, my recommendation is to just read the howto and look at the jpegs and leave it at that. The text contains this ultra-toxic disclaimer of terror:

You are going to be working with an enzyme that bonds protein. You are made of protein. Unless you want to glue your lungs together or glue your eyelids to your eyeballs, you absolutely must follow these safety rules. We cannot be held accountable for any mishaps you might have while working with transglutaminase.

Pork Princess (anticraft, thanks R. Stevens). Seriously, I'll stick with the tofu version, sans transglutaminase.

Boing Boing editor/partner and tech culture journalist Xeni Jardin hosts and produces Boing Boing's in-flight TV channel on Virgin America airlines (#10 on the dial), and writes about living with breast cancer. Diagnosed in 2011. @xeni on Twitter. email: xeni@boingboing.net.

MORE: Art and Design

More at Boing Boing

Eurovision 2013: An American in London

The technology that links taxonomy and Star Trek

brownsauce

I’d wear one if it came with a matching thong!
Shrdlu

Talia @ #28: Without meat, the human brain would never have evolved.

http://berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/99legacy/6-14-1999a.html

Milton also points out:

“Since plant foods available in the dry and deforested early human environment had become less nutritious, meat was critical for weaned infants, said Milton. She explained that small infants could not have processed enough bulky plant material to get both nutrients for growth and energy for brain development.”

S y lv drmng pgs, bt ht bbs. Nc.

knw mny vgtrns nd vry ftn hv hd ccsn t qstn thr prsnl brn dvlpmnt. G hv brgr.
the specialist

WHY OH WHY CAN’T WE FOCUS OUR CREATIVE ENERGIES ON SOMETHING USEFUL, OR ARTFUL, OR WORTHWHILE, INSTEAD OF JUST TAKING UP SPACE IN THE DUSTBIN OF THE INTERTUBES.
MarkM

uh, if this person is willing to eat out of that food processor after polluting it with the “deadly” transglutamase, how dangerous can TG be?

also: is the bacon tiara edible? it doesn’t seem to be mentioned in the article at all. if not, wouldnt that be the point of such an item in the first place? we already have inedible tiaras. this functionality would be the perfection of tiara technology.

(ps, my favorite instruction in the process was the running HEPA filter for an hour prior to removing safety gear: now that’s terrorism. the “safety” gear didn’t even consist of a real OSHA filter; its just a $0.50 face mask. “Boah, all that TG in yo’ lungs gonna bind that pul’inary protein togedda real good!”)
Jim O’Connell

This is a sign of a very, very sick society.
Flying Orca

#28: “meat comes from something that once felt, that once dreamed, once was happy, frightened, curious. Denying that is just lying to yourself.”

“Felt”, I’ll buy, on some level. Not so sure about “dreamed”. Happiness, fright, and curiousity I’ll also buy, on some level… but a bald statement like yours completely ignores what appears to be a vast difference in cognition and awareness between humans and other animals.

Besides which, so what? Do the deer’s feelings prevent the wolf from eating it? Why then should they prevent me from eating it?
Talia

#31: really? Cause I know many vegetarians and they are among some of the smartest, best people I know.

The burger scarfing types on the other hand do not exactly seem pinnacles of intellectualism.

FYI: not vegetarian myself.

I just think if you’re going to eat meat dont delude yourself into thinking its anything other than it is.

That’s all.
MarlboroTestMonkey7

Zombie lifestyle is slowly creeping into daylight.
dragonfrog

Phikus – your first impression (anti-craft refering to the “anti” of a chipper and wholesome craft magazine) was correct. Your second impression, that it had something to do with witchcraft, was incorrect. Note that the favicon is an anarchist “A”.

Before the site got overloaded from boingers visiting, you could see their latest issue was largely about what you might call grim knitting – I particularly liked the “Tepes” toque, a really nicely made ear-flap hat decorated with the impaled bodies of Vlad’s foes.
dragonfrog

Oh, and sorry for the double post, but the bacon of hate is knitted, not made of meat
winkingskunk

This is a great thing to see first thing in the morning when you know that you are attending a “white trash” themed birthday party in the upcoming weekend.
freshyill

Dear Boing Boingers, please post something new so that awful, awful thing isn’t at the top of the page next time I visit.
barnaby

That may well be the foulest thing I have ever seen.
Jake0748

Well, she’s sweet. But isn’t it a little scary/unnerving when the pork tiara (THERE’S a phrase I never imagined I’d write), is more colorful than the cute girl wearing it?
sammich

Yak
Talia

That warning is absolutely terrifying. Geez. Who the hell would wnat to work with a material that dangerous to make a BACON TIARA?
sammich

As I recall, hair=keratin=protein so unless she rinsed her tiara thoroughly, she has to keep it for as long as she keeps her hair…

Of course, it’s a personal choice…
Phikus

I am not usually one to cry “Photoshopped!” but the tiara does look painted on in the above photo. -Just sayin! (I’m not one to usually say “Just sayin’ either, for that matter.)

Funny concept though, and a great way to get that padded room you’ve always dreamed of.

“What’cha makin’, honey?”

“It’s my new bacon tiara!”

“…”
chgoliz

This has “2008 Darwin awards” written all over it.
Shrdlu

First time I’ve been disvowel. But seriously, this is a case of one side calling the the other morally corrupt, and the other saying, “Hey, you might need meat protein to develop your brain.” I think the meat side has more scientific support, even if it is not politically correct. You cannot show me one single anthropological study in the history of mankind where the majority is not comprised of filthy, barbaric carnivores; likewise, you cannot show me one single society where vegetarianism was a choice, save for todays and people who abstained from meat for religious reasons. And even given the possible option of vegetarianism, humans would result to cannibalism instead. Why? We need meat.
- Antinous
  
  you cannot show me one single society where vegetarianism was a choice
  
  Hundreds of millions of Indians are vegetarian and have been for millennia. I wouldn’t choose it, but it works fine for them.
chgoliz

Flying Orca @ #34:

If you’d ever had a dog or cat, you’d know that animals dream.
Gabriel Cooperbey

gross
Belac

#35:
Do your vegetarian friends live on the African veldt circa some thousands BC, subsisting on the local plant life?

That was the point of #31′s comment, that it was an evolutionary adaptation to specific conditions.
Eric Carlson

Amazing, I wonder how many of these they will be able to make out of the giant pig that trapped the woman in her house for 10 days?

Probably over 9000.
dragonfrog

OK, that is made of awesomeness. And bacon.

I went to a highschool grad (not my grad, but what would have been if I had stayed at that school) where one of my friends had dressed all in cabbage-y shades of green, and made a sort of tiara thing with those fake roses for your hair (or maybe for wedding cakes?), repainted into very convincing looking cabbages.
anthropomorphictoast

Novel idea, but I can see someone getting attacked by dogs after wearing one of these. Bacon scented hair? No thanks.
Phikus

THE SPECIALIST@32: It may not be your cup of tea (or mine, frankly) but makin’ things out of bacon is pretty dern creative.

DRAGONFROG@38: Yes, it is knitted bacon, but if not witchcrafty, why the Beltane references and why talk about using said items to focus hateful energy? I think it might be both, actually. In their “Anti-festo” they espouse the site is about sinister crafting.

This from further down on the bacon of hate page:

“Use:
Write down the name of your cable company (or your landlord, or your boss, or your nemesis, or… well, you get the picture) and slip it in the pocket. Hang it in a window or other unobstructed area where loathing can easily radiate from your new Bacon Of Hate.”

Either way it’s still freakin’ hilarious. I don’t feel hatefulness when I see hanging bacon, knitted or not.
Itsumishi

Whilst I do find the idea of a bacon tiara disturbing I do not find it quite as disturbing as bacon chocolate fudge. Also seen on her site.

Bacon Fudge
jennix

echoing others… for goodness’s sake post ANYTHING else so i don’t have to see that nasty pic on my feed
marvelbodyDOTcom

I guess I should have kept my bacon bits…after all, I need a new tiara.
TEKNA2007

That is so far beyond revolting.

And the transglutaminase … how to come out looking like a transporter room replication error.
ryuthrowsstuff

It seems you could make this without dangerous chemicals. American bacon does tend to bind to itself when cooked, and can easily be made into bowls and the like.
McChud

and for the mens, chicken giblet cufflinks!
Nora

I am so glad I am not the only person sitting at home refreshing Twitter.
brooklyntwang

This is in the fine tradition of Hats Of Meat:
“Remembering the past, cherishing the present, and celebrating the future of meat hats!”

http://www.hatsofmeat.com
Anonymous

Yummy bacon..Is that a honey combed bacon on her head?:)
jere7my

Transglutaminases are used in molecular gastronomy (i.e. fancy-pants cooking) all the time. Ask Wylie Dufresne. The warning seems a bit over-the-top â€” you can buy the stuff in packets and sprinkle it on your lunchmeats to bind them together.

Approved by the Food and Drug Administration and the Agriculture Department, forms of transglutaminase occur naturally in humans and in food animals, and so it is considered safe.

â€” http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6915287/page/2/

I think the photo is Photoshopped, but not to add the tiara to the head â€” looks to me like the saturation was boosted to make the pork tiara stand out.
japroach

I bought this tiara cause I have always wanted one.
juancb

Unicorn chaser, please.
Avram

Shrdlu @31, don’t be insulting.
oodart

give wisdom a chance wether we stop donating money or food to the suffering next door/worldwide
or we stop playing with food!
yours oliver ohene-dokyi
roboshobo

ok, it’s bad enough to make an animal suffer in a factory farm before eating it, but something as wasteful and dumb as this is just salt in the wound. and, no, i can’t take a joke. i’m saddened that most people are able to emotionally distance themselves from what they are actually doing with another life.
Antinous

roboshobo,

You’re threadjacking.
Trvth

@ROBOSHOBO, The bacon was already dead and it’s much more healthy to use bacon as clothing than to actually ingest it. Also, I never emotionally distance myself from what I am doing to meat – I’m proud to be at the top of the food chain. It would be much more emotionally healthy if everyone thought of livestock as walking meat rather than another life.
Phikus

Ok, I had to visit the site to see if there were any other pics of the pork tiara. No such luck. But then I saw a link entitled “bacon of hate” so, of course, I had to see what that was about.

The site is called “The Anti-Craft” and at first I thought it might be some sort of weird arts & crafts site, but apparently, what they are talking about is “witch-craft.” Which craft you say? Indeed.

The “bacon of hate” page recommends, to focus your negative energy, (cause you can’t have that floating about haphazardly) you “write down the object of your loathing on a slip of paper, tuck it into the pocket on the back of your Bacon Of Hate, and it will send focused hate-beams directly to the intended source. You can make as many of these malevolent tools as you need.”

Wow. I had no idea of the destructive power that can be unleashed by bacon.

Let’s ponder this for a minute… They’re making a malevolent tool for focusing all their negative energy on someone and all they could come up with is carrying around some raw bacon with a little pocket in it to contain little hate notes? They presume you might need a few more of these lying around to do the job? One bacon of hate will not suffice?

The picture shows some sort of thick bacon slice with a string attached to it. It doesn’t look particularly hateful. And there is apparently no spell or incantation to be done. No waving of the bacon of hate toward effigies of the objects of your derision. I’m disappointed.

The only thing it looks like it might threaten are Muslims (cuz they’re not into pork) and your arteries. I feel more threatened, personally, by pork-barrel politics than the bacon of hate.

What are practitioners of hate magic coming to these days? I would have thought they’d be cutting faces out of magazines or celebrating the imminent downfall of civilization or something. If this sort of thing actually worked, you’d think many would have been brought down by the sundry “notebooks of hate” scribbled by many a teenager. The combined hate of all the citizens of the world for george bush alone would have surely caused him to have choked on that pretzel years ago. And don’t say we’re not doing it right, because I don’t think any one individual has earned that much finely focused hate in the entire history of upright apes walking on the planet. Who’d have thought we’d find something that makes Scientology seem sane by comparison?

“What’s that you’ve got there?”

“Oh, it’s just me bacon of hate. Pay it no mind.” (*writes down another name and slips it inside, discreetly*)

Oh, and wait, there’s more. Apparently the idea came from someone misreading their witchy blog, mistaking “beacon of hate.” Ok, that explains… No, actually, it doesn’t. Still a few eggs shy of a dozen. But, ok, I get it now. They’re just making up any old shit they want, kind of like voodoo economics.

Well, I’ve got just one thing to say to these folks then: Bacon of hate, meet my salami of love!
roboshobo

@trvth. i think you’re being cavalier and smug. there’s a price we all pay for ‘being at the top of the foodchain’ (that claim is in itself debatable) and maybe you should consider it:
seyo

this is an important enough story to prompt me to log in on my phone while on vacation in france to say this: i want a bacon codpiece! and i have the activa waiting at home with which to make it… MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
sarahmade

I assure you, it is a real bacon tiara.

Also, note that there is a vegan bacon-themed project in the issue
http://www.theanticraft.com/archive/beltane08/vegan.htm
nanner

omg so funny. my 5 year old daughter is obsessed with princessy-ness AND eating pigs (i know…wtf??) so i got excited about this one but then i read that scary warning. yikes.

oh, i watched the tutorial and i think the “piping whipped bacon onto a baking form” technique is very clever – I never thought of baking piped meat for any reason!!
Anonymous

Ahoy! Another interesting article, gratis! Now imagine what she’d have to do to avoid the post-apocalyptic swine strike:
BFF’S BACON APOCALYPSE on YouTube
Talia

#23 erm, no it wouldn’t. It would be severely delusional. Whether you care or not, meat comes from something that once felt, that once dreamed, once was happy, frightened, curious. Denying that is just lying to yourself.
chgoliz

Shrdlu @ #51:

Humans are omnivores, not carnivores.

You really think people would naturally become cannibals if they didn’t eat meat for a significant period of time? What amount of time would that be?
ill lich

Ehh. . . call me when they design a bacon codpiece.

To quote Carl Carlson: “I can’t feed my family with a codpiece, genius!”
Gaudeamus

Man, I rarely eat bacon but I might beat someone up for wasting delicious cured pork by wearing it like this. If it had been a bacon ring (oh please if I ever get proposed to that’s what I want), a bacon bracelet, or maybe even a bacon necklace it would have been fine but now that it’s rubbed up all in her hair it’s inedible. Damn.

The tiara is cute but didn’t she at least look at that bacon for even just one moment and go “this would be so much more awesome if I were wearing it in my stomach”?