Woman Dressed as Cow Gets a Month in Jail

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32-year-old Michele Allen received a one-month sentence for disorderly conduct after police received complaints that she was dressed in a cow costume and chasing children, blocking traffic, and urinating on a neighbor's porch.

She wore the costume again when she appeared for sentencing. One Month in Corral for Disorderly Woman

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    1. (to those emailing: omg that was a fleeting internet joke about 4chan haters and comment trolls who use this phrase. i r not srs. this woman is not a member of the furry fandom, per se; she is a disturbed person wearing a cow costume who pees in public and frightens kids.)

  1. Furfags gone wild? I just hope she gets out in time to vote this November….

    PS: I think it’s creepy how this local radio station’s web site crime blotter articles such as this one have the street addresses of the crime locations hyperlinked to online maps (e.g., “3100 block of Wilbraham Road“). And Mapquest? How 1999. Couldn’t they have used teh Google Maps, maybe even with a Street View pic of mad cow lady?

  2. Oh this is tawdry.

    From the same page.

    “Police have charged an 18-year-old man with corrputing a minor after witnesses reported seeing him and an underage girl engaged in a sex act behind a church.”

  3. Jesus Christ what’s wrong with you people!

    From the same place.

    “A former worker at the Hamilton County Morgue who has admitted to raping the body of a murder victim in 1982, will spend the next three years in prison.”

    “West Chester Township caregiver is accused of beating her 74-year-old charge, in an attempt to punish her for having sex with “evil spirits”.”

    “She was villified, but never charged. And now she’s going on Oprah Winfrey’s show to tell her side of the story. Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby went to work on the morning of August 23, 2007, and forgot her 2-year-old daughter was asleep in the backseat. When Slaby came out, Cecilia was dead.”

  4. “A former worker at the Hamilton County Morgue who has admitted to raping the body of a murder victim in 1982, will spend the next three years in prison.”

    “West Chester Township caregiver is accused of beating her 74-year-old charge, in an attempt to punish her for having sex with “evil spirits”.”

    “She was villified, but never charged. And now she’s going on Oprah Winfrey’s show to tell her side of the story. Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby went to work on the morning of August 23, 2007, and forgot her 2-year-old daughter was asleep in the backseat. When Slaby came out, Cecilia was dead.”

    Anyone wants to dress up as a unicorn?

  5. Hey MINDPOWERED, what’s your beef with us? Are you wearing your Wranglers too tight? So what if we want to horn in on this woman’s mis-steaks instead of chewing the daily feed. Don’t chap our hide for it, dude!

  6. Police were eventually able to corrall her.

    When asked to comment, her coworkers at the dairy plant said “Bessie was always very docile. She’d never herd anyone.”

    Her recent stampede may have been related to a comment from her boss who told her “We can’t look pasture recent performance. We have a brand to consider.”

    When asked what her current plans were, her lawyer responded that she planned to change her name to Patty and consider an offer from McDonalds.

  7. Would I be a dirty socialist if I suggested that she needs mental health care more than she needs jail time?

    Obligatory Pun: Her tell-all memoir will be titled “Dairy of a Madwoman”

  8. Is it rape if it’s a corpse? I mean, I understand locking you up for having sex with a dead person, but is rape the right legal word?

  9. Limericks anyone?

    There once was a woman named Michele,
    Who dressed as a cow, with a bell.
    She was utterly mad, chasing kids, which is bad,
    And got locked in a tiny jail cell.

  10. Wearing the suit to court confirmed the diagnosis:

    Hoof in Mouth *

    * – actually people, lets be glad she got noticed and nobody got hurt. Boo System! Yay System!

  11. Xeni – yeah, I get the joke, but you know what else is ‘funny’ on 4chan? Racism! S why dn’t y jst dd “Brn n hll, n*****” whl y’r t t?

  12. I lived in Ohio for about seven years, and I wasn’t sure where Middletown is (south, near Cincinnati). I can tell you that in Columbus, where I lived, this kind of thing was highly frowned upon.

  13. The lady is just a bit mooseguided. She needs someone to steer her in the right direction.

    and aw come now #50, we’re in the middle of a friendly punoff here. :)

  14. …How long do you think it’ll be before she’s on all the talk shoes milking this stunt for all it’s got?

    …As for the 4chan bozos…ah, let’em eat Chik-Fil-A leftovers.

  15. You people are disgusting. This woman is obviously mentally ill and needs help, not incarceration. If we as a society provided proper veterinary assistance to all that need it, regardless of income, this sort of thing wouldn’t happen.

  16. Fabricationist,

    I’ll see your limerick and raise you an iambic pentameter:

    One woman dressed in cow-hide was detained,
    By officers sworn to the Law protect,
    When local kids she chased and blocked the lane,
    And peed upon the neighbor’s frontmost step.

  17. #61 posted by mappo,

    That was the best one yet, by far! In the immortal words of Cosmo Kramer, “I’m out!”

  18. talia – yeah, we are now, but Xeni really kind of kicked things off on what seemed like a jumbo cowpie o’ hate. Vowels have been lost over less, ya know.

    I know all about the lulz that are /b/ on Fridays, but I won’t go near it with a 10 foot prosthesis. I don’t need to see any more pictures of real animals being tortured to death.

  19. #50: Comparing making fun of furries to racism? You jest surely.

    Furries are designed to be made fun of.

    #61: Not everything is a social cause, and not everyone is able to be “fixed”. Even if she does need help (and she does) People not making bad puns isn’t going help her. There will be a lot more conditions to her incarceration than just “sit in jail”. Counseling sessions are usually thrown in there, and I’d bet there is a psych eval required. I’m sure it’ll be found that she’s “cowshit insane”.

    So lighten up, much like ol’ #50 above, you can’t crusade for every cause.

  20. I’ve got calf a mind to heffer cowmmitted instead of grilling her on her odd Jersey choice. The pen would make her steer-crazy I dair(y) to guess.

    Ayrshire glad I such a pun cowtlet today.

    :)

  21. scottyd – easy: she’s wearing a cow suit, so joking remarks about alternative lifestyles are fair game! If that’s the case, why don’t we just make jokes about her race? Skin, suit, what’s the difference?

    I get that Xeni was making a joke, but it was a hateful one. Tossing ‘anything-fag’ around is like tossing around a racial/ethinic/religious slur.

    Especially for an author and/or mod. Authority figures should have higher standards and all that.

  22. Enochrewt – You’re wrong, and that’s awful damn hypocritical…

    …but it wasn’t the “fur” so much as the “fag” that make me almost hose down my monitor with soda. I didn’t imagine Xeni would drop that one, even in a joke.

  23. Disparaging comments here are complete bull! Don’t try to cow-opt this thread for your own turf. You cannot out-manure us. It’s the pot calling the cattle black, I say, but I wouldn’t put it pasture to try again. Why not say something nice to heifer out, or is that too far out of your range? Try to roundup the mooxy to meat us on the same plain, or Elsie! Cowards!

  24. #68

    “scottyd – easy: she’s wearing a cow suit, so joking remarks about alternative lifestyles are fair game! If that’s the case, why don’t we just make jokes about her race? Skin, suit, what’s the difference?”

    ….

    That’s not a serious statement, is it? I hope?

  25. She’s Bessie the Heifer, the queen of all the cows
    She gives more milk than any law allows
    In the mornin’ she gives pasteurized
    At night she gives ho-mog-enized
    Bessie the Heifer is queen of all the cows!

    (with apologies to Little Jimmy Dickens)

  26. These comments are awesome, but I think they will have ruined me for the day. I just saw something about Moscow on another website and immediately thought “Moocow”.

    I love and hate you all at the same time. :)

  27. Talia – yes, it is a serious statement. I don’t see why you find it so incredible. So I’m going to probably write a lot more than I wanted to about it:

    If you want to make all sorts of puns about a nutty woman in a cow suit, fine. That’s really funny.

    If you are going to use the subject of a woman in a cow suit to say something off-hand and really hateful about an entire group, even as a joke, does it really matter what aspect of the subject you made fun of?

    I used race simply because everyone is sensitive to racism, but I could have just as easily picked her gender. Then again, not everyone recognizes sexism. Or sexual discrimination. Or general opportunistic prejudice.

    I think that fact that you (and others) see a big difference between this and racism shows just how shallow a lot of people’s “tolerance” really is.

    Or to put it another way, what makes blatant racism worse than insulting a fringe lifestyle? The status quo?

    This BBtv post had some seriously hateful comments that got zapped pretty quickly. Except… then you have Xeni saying the same ugly stuff in jest? That’s exactly like moderating racism and then making a racist joke. It’s a different kind of intolerance, but it’s still hypocracy.

  28. …On the other hand, considering how most of the furry types are around here, that gal in the cow suit would have fit right in.

  29. #80

    Because you have a choice about what you wear. Wearing something ludicrious invites ridicule. Skin is just what you’re born with.

    Terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE, comparison. Most illogical, as Spock would say.

    Sorry, you’re reasoning is pretty flawed there bub.

    Also, Did you not read Xeni’s comment above?

    ‘(to those emailing: omg that was a fleeting internet joke about 4chan haters and comment trolls who use this phrase.”

    Joke, dude. Don’t be so uptight. :) Yes, its strong language, but the intent was satirical.

  30. I’m offended that, instead of throwing money into paying fines to her local municipality, she didn’t just hand out bills to everyone. After all, America always loves a good cash cow.

  31. I would just like to say, geez, WCC, sacred cow, much? I took that as Xeni making fun of 4chan and not furries.

    Please return to milking the cow puns relentlessly.

  32. She wore the costume to the sentencing?
    I’ll bet there was a commotion, and the judge yelled “udder in the court!” Just my 2%.

  33. @ 29 My bad.

    I was yelling at the fine burghers of Cincinnati and environs, for being such COW -ards.

    Someone should widget up a rimshot app.

    Really.

  34. She was blocking traffic? Why didn’t they just steer around her? I don’t this is the whole story, but I only skim articles like this one.

  35. I mean, a little harmless ribbing is to be expected, but let’s not skirt the issue when tenderness is needed.
    There’s no need to grill someone or rake them over the coals when what we should be doing is chewing the fat.

  36. After a disastrous performance on American Idol, a cowed performer had a cow. In an effort to disparage Simon Cowell’s name, she took to the streets in disquise. Allen’s performance was well researched. While Cowell’s saccharin swooning over little British children is well-publicized, he more often chases them through the street, leaving puddles of incontinence in his wake. Were it not for the Holstein attire, Michele Allen’s ruse might have gone unnoticed. Cowell, however, is a Guernsey, from the British cow dependency. Moreover, Cowell has singular udder definition that Allen could not replicate.

  37. Why, oh why does it always have to happen in Ohio!?!!

    Creation Museum
    Jeffrey Dahmer
    Cuyahoga River
    Bob Taft
    Diebold and their electronic voting machines
    Jerry Springer
    Cowgirl

    How many embarrassments can you remember?

    Hillary Clinton said, “As Ohio goes, so goes the nation.” Let’s hope she didn’t mean it…

  38. I just *had* to click the comments section. Just *had* to find out why an article about a woman dressed as a cow had 103 comments.

    Oh, how I regret my decision.

  39. Well, that sometimes happens when you horn into a conversation, BEK; you don’t always like what you herd. None of those commenting here have been vetted in any way, and so the remarks can seem raw and unpasteurized, even cheesy.

  40. Interesting way to proactively innoculate the comments against potential /b/ull and hating on furries, Xeni. :)

  41. Does anybody else notice that a disproportionate number of these “crazy people” stories (like the pregnant woman smoking the cigarette worried that the construction noise would harm her fetus) come from the Cincinnati area?

  42. Antinous – I figure enough people had already said that to Xeni in sidebar. I was angry, I ranted. I apologize.

    Talia, etc..

    My, er, beef, isn’t with Xeni at this point, it’s with those who think there’s no comparison between a racial slur and a lifestyle slur.

    I said it before: a woman in a cow suit IS funny. An inexplicably nasty comment directed towards “furfags” is just, well, inexplicable. But Xeni explained it, and I’m not trying to milk a further apology.

    I’m arguing those who are telling me “it’s ok to make fun of furfags because it’s their choice”

    Really, it was the use of the term “furFAG”, even if a joke, that irked me. You can find plenty of hate sites on the internet that are full of racial/ethnic/sexual slurs, but is it acceptable to make a joke using those things here? Well, “fag” is the same thing in this context: a slug against homosexuality, which to quote you, “is just what you’re born with.”

  43. “police received complaints that she was dressed in a cow costume and chasing children, blocking traffic, and urinating on a neighbor’s porch.”

    ummmm… the aristocrats?

  44. #112: I think the point is the statement was done in mockery of the original intent. It was a very specific satirical comment.

    The context of the statement really had nothing to do with the “fag” part at all. It was making fun of /b/tards. If anyone they’re the ones you should rail against, hell homophobia and racism is par for the course over there.

    Its about context. This was satire. Consider the target. :)

  45. Anyone reading too much into these comments should just bypass this sort of post entirely, elsie be offended further.

  46. “the aristocrats” Funny ROBATSGH. Still don’t think we should joke about this lady/girl. She’s obviosly ineed of a good lawyer. There are too many of the mentally ill incarcerated.

  47. you know, biscuit4, i whole heartedly agree with you. but, you gotta admit, that is some funny stuff there.

  48. Dear America,

    Michelle Allen was arrested yesterday. Why? Because she ALLEGEDLY blocked traffic and was chasing children around. Come on! She’s just having fun. Oh, but if it was Halloween, then everything would be hunky dory, huh?

    Granted, she did piss on her neighbor’s porch(OK, you got me there)but at least it wasn’t a #2.

    USA, can you loosen up a bit? ;)

    Cordially,

    Oscar

  49. I can’t exactly look at that mug shot and not grinn MINTPHRESH.

    You are correct, but it’s still like laughing at a monkeyy for being hairy. Not cool.

  50. #106 posted by HatOfEdshu , September 30, 2008 4:58 PM

    “Why, oh why does it always have to happen in Ohio!?!!”

    You forgot Kent State.

  51. As a consolation to Ms. Allen, I offer this poem, originally composed by Gary Larson.

    “The distant hills call to me.
    Their rolling waves seduce my heart.
    Oh, how I want to graze in their lush valleys,
    Oh, how I want to run down their green slopes,
    Alas, I cannot.

    Damn the electric fence!
    Damn the electric fence!”

    –Devin

  52. Weightedcompani….. Thank Eris someone has stood up to this terrible slur on a much maligned sector of society.Stupid skinnys.You should be proud of your actions today.In years to come this day will be celebrated as the day someone stood up to the evil Xeni and the bullies of bOING bOING!
    seriously tho, I’m working in the animal shelter this month,and to come home and see you get yer panties and wad over this,well, it beggars belief.Choose your targets. There are many,many things in this world that are evil bad and and deeply fucked up.This is not one of them.

  53. #122 bisquit4, sorry, must be somthin wrong with the phresh one. two straight days of out loud giggling from one magical thread…. show me yer monkey! and HATOFEDSHU#106, wasn’t the cayahoga river fire ( where the river was so polluted that it actually caught fire) somewhere in OhiO?

  54. Cows and effect, what did she expect? I wonder what would have happened if she was in India? They’d have let her off easy, or burned her at the steak.

    …Ok, so if the furfag comment’s taken in context, someone should defend the calloused, insensitive attack on the poor /b/tards.
    Attacking a whole sub-section of people just ’cause they’re assholes is discriminationismistic too.

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