GOOD EVENING.

IT IS VERY GOOD AND FRIGHTENING to be here on BOING BOING. As readers of my own, small, imitation of a blog already know, I am a longtime reader, and now, very humbly...

A FIRST TIME CALLER.

I AM ESPECIALLY GRATEFUL to be here, for indeed it was a BOING BOING post which first convinced me to descend from the airy heights of minor television renown and return to my ink-stained former life of writing big books of fake trivia.

FOR IT WAS CORY, via Ape-Lad, who first brought to my attention the COMPLETELY IMPLAUSIBLE, BUT DISTRESSINGLY REAL product known as DICK VAN PATTEN'S HOBO CHILI FOR DOGS.

TRUTH MAY BE STRANGER THAN FICTION, I wrote in my first book, but never as strange as lies. But now it seemed, truth was catching up.

AND SO it was Van Patten's sublimely unexpected, non-fictional food for hobo dogs (hobo dogs!) that convinced me the time had come for me to return and restock the pond of fact with falsehood, and produce MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE.

(AND DUE TO THE INCREDIBLE GRACIOUSNESS of Mr. Van Patten and his business partners, I am able to reproduce in my book not only the label for HOBO CHILI FOR DOGS, but also the label for CHINESE TAKE-OUT FOR DOGS. It is obvious that they take great care in making their pet food, so please reward their good humor and esprit de creative commons by visiting their website.)

AS I BLOG here from day to day, I will not always be as baldfaced as I am today about mentioning my book. But I will be touring around the country reading from it, often accompanied by JONATHAN COULTON, so I cannot promise that it will never come up.

BUT BEFORE I PART, I did want to share with you one image of me, accompanied by my book, and a bottle of Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Head Vodka.

FOR INDEED, here is another product that DOES IN FACT EXIST, though there is no rational explanation for it.

IT IS STRANGENESS INCARNATE, and like my book, it is filtered through diamonds.

THAT IS ALL.

PHOTO courtesy: Seth Olenick

(John Hodgman is guest blogger.)

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Anonymous

The more direct link to all the flavors of Dick Van Patten’s Dog Foods is here. The link in the original post seemingly has no direct path to the canine cusine…
FourFiveFire

I can only hope so, #7, and I say he should superimpose images of himself into pictures even when blogging about subjects unrelated to him.
defenestrati

Strangely I persist in requiring more information.
kiki1971

Is it Just me, Or does tHis Not somehow come across as if it is sOme kinD of encrypted messaGe…where capitalized letters spell out soMe secret messAge?

…that or a new declaratioN of independance?
GeekMan

(Note to self: always scan THOROUGHLY for sarcasm before following up on other commenter’s posts)
NZheretic

I assume that this is but the first entry in one long
obscure reference hunt. I half expect to see Mr Hodgman’s image to be photoshoped into the background of next few blog images.
aelfscine

WELCOME
desp

#57: You’re probably thinking of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Å»ubrÃ³wka
Ernastrutuk Weatherby

This is very good news in so many fine ways. Hodgman’s “Blog(?)” was what first pointed me to Boing Boing, and now Boing Boing and Hodgman are coming together in a sort of train-collision-of-awesome.

Also: I NEED THAT VODKA. PLEASE
Gar the Pitiless

Bah. As if drinking from skulls was some novelty.
kevin143

Wow! A minor celebrity is writing for a blog that I read! It’s almost like I know a minor celebrity!
desp

WOULD YOU LIKE a new keyboard?
iandavid

I for one am very pleased to see a subliminal plug for one of my favorite Brooklyn bars, Beer Table, in the form of the backdrop for this photograph. I don’t think they sell skull vodka, but they do have tasty beers and homemade sausages. John, do you go there often? http://www.beertable.com/
vectr

“Hang Mod” (anagram)

Who let this shyster in? Hmm?
afo

Boing Boing. Now with Diamond Filter.
NicoNicoNico

Too true, #17, too true.

#21, I know what you mean. I feel so special for some very odd reason. It’s like, wow, he knows my screen name. It’s almost like he knows me. *ahhh*

In all seriousness, my sleep deprived, pain killer addled mind couldn’t make heads or tails of the post. It’s like my mind was too awed by the use of all caps to fully comprehend the English language or something.
Stefan Jones

The beverage ZIMA was discontinued today. It was used by hobos to DRIVE CHIGGERS FROM BENEATH THE SKIN.
Versh

The Areas of My Expertise was truly excellent, I surmise I’ll end up purchasing the paper and eventual audio form of More Information Than You Require.
There is indeed a place in the literary world for clever absurdism– (contrary to the tired mainstream comedic expectations for crude innuendo, gross-out humor, and parody found elsewhere).
Besides, historians will one day remark that today’s financial crisis originated from the attempted Hobo takeover of the United States Government in the 1930′s.
Narfmaster

Man you looking fricking awesome.
MeaningOfLife

Please, tell us more about Battlestar Galactica.

No, really, please.
z7q2

Nice to see you here John! Your segment on Rachel Maddow/MSNBC last night was a treat! Yes, do send her on your book tour so that you can spend more time writing for us.
iveexa

@SCAUGHT: It’s not caps lock challenged — he writes like Zippy the Pinhead.
anthony

Welcome and thanks.
mightymouse1584

#19
“WELCOME”

haha
Cool Products

I can’t wait to check out the book, awesome job on the Daily Show by the way.
urshrew

I just really want to know if there is going to be an update on the greatest Dungeons and Dragons rivalries of all time, 3rd edition, or something.
MoogleLally

You look quite dapper in that picture!
FLG

This is overflowing with win. Looking forward to your posts.
Blackbird

I would also like to extend a warm welcome to you. Thanks for playin’ with us!
SamSam

Boy, I wish I were John Hodgman, so that I could read Boing Boing, see random products that catch my attention, and deploy a team of underlings to locate and purchase said random product.

Just kidding ;). Looking forward to your posts!
cmpriest

Welcome aboard, sir! It’s good to see you here.
OM

…One of my bartender buddies has tried a small sample of that Crystal Head vodka. His description of it can be summed up in one disemvowelment-free word:

“Turpentine”.

Bottom Line: You buy it for the bottle, not for the booze.
Tom Hale

Welcome Mr. Hodgman.

Good Evening – why is it that whenever I see this written, I pronounce it in my head in an imitation of Bela Lugosi from Dracula?

Also, speaking of Vodka,I saw on Mythbusters that you can filter a cheap brand through a Brita water filter several times and end up with a close semblance to an expensive brand – though I’ve yet to sample any Vodka that didn’t taste like lighter fluid.
Halloween Jack

Is it TRUE that in REAL LIFE you’re a Mac AND a PC?

Also, is it true that there’s something called real life?
Falcon_Seven

John, is that not ‘Hobo Chili From Dogs’ and ‘Chinese Takeout From Dogs’?
Inox

I will join the chorus of others who hope that you are invited to stick around.
zuzu

Also, speaking of Vodka,I saw on Mythbusters that you can filter a cheap brand through a Brita water filter several times and end up with a close semblance to an expensive brand – though I’ve yet to sample any Vodka that didn’t taste like lighter fluid.

Vodka is supposed to taste like pure ethanol diluted with pure water.

If you don’t like grain alcohol, you probably don’t like vodka.

That said, I’m more of a fan of scotch or bourbon, personally.
Xopher

Welcome, John Hodgman! I’m a big fan of Teh Silly, and you are made of it. And win.
Falcon_Seven

John, I was just pondering this again and the thought struck me, could this ‘Hobo Chili For Dogs’ be made from real hobos (hoboes?)? The same goes for the ‘Chinese Takeout For Dogs’. Could this not be made from real Chinese?
cinemajay

This post by Mr. Hodgeman. Full of win it is.
FourFiveFire

Puh-shaw, people! Potato vodka is the only way to go. It isn’t lighter-fluidy, but rather…creamy. It’s like you’re drinking delicious, alcoholic french fries.

And deep down, you know you’ve always secretly wanted to drink french fries. Now get thee to thine Beverage Mart and score some Monopolowa!
georgewbush

@61 -

Indeed. Having grown up near Herkimer, New York, I also spotted this clever flim-flam.
scaught

I enjoy and welcome our new CAPS LOCK challenged overlord.
n

Oh crap I think I’m getting a huge crush on you, Mr. Hodgman
bondjamesbond

but..but… I am a Mac user……
santellana

alas, poor vodka, i knew it well.
RJ

Welcome, John! Looking forward to more updates from you. Thanks for so many interesting links in the intro post here, too!

The vodka IS for sale online, and isn’t too awfully expensive; ~$45 on BevMo. Get slammered AND have a somewhat goth bottle to show off! :\
RedShirt77

Hodgman,

Will you be responding to comments here.

I notice you are not this evening because you are on Rachel Maddow’s show, so that’s cool but it would be cool to have some back and forth.
Falcon_Seven

John, one thing more, where do you buy your suit jackets?
RedShirt77

Oh and one other thing…

Can you supply us with more information? and how much is this damn book you keep rambling on about?
cstatman

i … never …. learned to READ!!!!
Uncle_Max

When I saw “GOOD EVENING.” in my subscription tab, I was expecting an article having something to do with Alfred Hitchcock.

I was pleasantly surprised to find I was wrong.
Davin

Please stay. Forever. We love you.
semiotix

I am pleased by the thought that I can briefly command John Hodgman’s attention, since we’re only 50-odd posts in and if he’s human at all (or even the more venal sort of Cylon) he’s refreshing this page on the quarter-minute.

Mr. Hodgman! My respect for your accomplishments slightly but measurably exceeds my resentment for the fact that we’re roughly the same age and you have accomplishments whereas I do not. Thanks for the laughs.
minTphresh

hey tom hale, a solid NO! on both counts. and you can kiss my powermac’s brushed aluminum behind ( i’m not sure yet whether or not it actually has an ‘ass’)! actually, i already voted! g bm!
Darren Garrison

Mr. Hodgeman–

Don’t you ever tire of that “I’m a Mac” guy taunting you?
jjasper

I REQUIRE MORE INFORMATION from this JOHN HODGEMAN person. Where can I buy this Vodka?
chimmelman

Welcome to Boing Boing, John Hodgman! Looking forward to your upcoming posts. I really enjoyed your segment on This American Life.

Where on EARTH did you get that vodka, and how do I get it? Is it on store shelves?
zuzu

The only thing I’ll buy from Dan Aykroyd is a Bass-o-matic, or possibly a big bag of broken glass.

The only thing I’ll buy from John Hodgman are his books, or possibly severed human feet.
agnot

Puh-shaw, people! Potato vodka is the only way to go. It isn’t lighter-fluidy, but rather… Monopolowa!

OMG, in a time when truth is catches up to lies, some sanity! I think the trouble started with the making of non-potato vodka.

Maybe a merger lies herein, during these times of global nonsense, between Hodge’s Imitation of a Blog and Boingboing? Could we be be so lucky?
Joel Johnson

I WOULD LIKE to have that bottle for my own. I must find this vodka.
David Carroll

A while back I was at a birthday party of a co-worker’s husband. She offered me some Polish vodka. I can’t recall the brand but it had a slight yellow tint, and was the soothest stuff I have ever tasted. I left my Alberta Vodka unopened with her, and have never tasted grain vodka since.
- Antinous
  
  I find potato vodka to be rather oily tasting. My favorite vodka was Baikalskaya. It was dead cheap, and I went through cases of it, but I haven’t seen it in years.
zikman

Dear John Hodgman,

I admire you. Where did you get your glasses? I like them.

Sincerely,
Ahmad K
solitaire

So what percentage of those vodka bottles are recycled as bongs of DOOM
Chris L

Oh please, please, PLEASE, stick around here, Mr. John Hodgman. You have no idea how pleasant it is to pull up your favorite blog and the see the face of your favorite lier staring back.
Anonymous

Behold, the skull vodka post of BBG of yore!

http://gadgets.boingboing.net/2008/10/06/crystal-head-vodka-m.html
Tommy

“FOR INDEED, here is another product that DOES IN FACT EXIST, though there is no rational explanation for it.”

I was hoping this was a link to a Windows Vista site.
bayamus

Welcome to BoingBoing. But are we going to be inundated with photos of yourself every time you post?
Tom Hale

Dear John, why must you be a PC?

Mama said Macs are the devil – and that’s good enough for me. – leaving those Macs alone.

You heard it here first folks, My mom thinks Macs are the Devil. So, throw yours away and buy pcs. Then he world should work in perfect harmony. No more shall we be one of Satin’s minions.
h, nd Vt Rpblcn!
GeekMan

Welcome John. I also do hope you’re invited to stick around.

Furthermore, I think we need to clear something up right off the bat: Are you or are you not the final Cylon?

Cheers!
mrutter

Welcome INDEED Mr. Hodgman.
demented_pants

I don’t wanna rain on your parade, guys, but that stuff’s not filtered through diamonds.

Its website says it’s filtered through “Herkimer diamonds,” which are, in fact, a kind of double-terminated quartz that is frequently found in the Herkimer valley in New York. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herkimer_diamond
hukes

I think there is a trend with distillers. They are switching from good spirits to high end design in bottles. That has happened a lot with tequila, sadly.

Don’t judge alcohol by its bottle.
Talia

Its skull shaped and full of alcohol. No rational reason is needed for pure awesome.