IT IS VERY GOOD AND FRIGHTENING to be here on BOING BOING. As readers of my own, small, imitation of a blog already know, I am a longtime reader, and now, very humbly...


I AM ESPECIALLY GRATEFUL to be here, for indeed it was a BOING BOING post which first convinced me to descend from the airy heights of minor television renown and return to my ink-stained former life of writing big books of fake trivia.

FOR IT WAS CORY, via Ape-Lad, who first brought to my attention the COMPLETELY IMPLAUSIBLE, BUT DISTRESSINGLY REAL product known as DICK VAN PATTEN'S HOBO CHILI FOR DOGS.

TRUTH MAY BE STRANGER THAN FICTION, I wrote in my first book, but never as strange as lies. But now it seemed, truth was catching up.

AND SO it was Van Patten's sublimely unexpected, non-fictional food for hobo dogs (hobo dogs!) that convinced me the time had come for me to return and restock the pond of fact with falsehood, and produce MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE.

(AND DUE TO THE INCREDIBLE GRACIOUSNESS of Mr. Van Patten and his business partners, I am able to reproduce in my book not only the label for HOBO CHILI FOR DOGS, but also the label for CHINESE TAKE-OUT FOR DOGS. It is obvious that they take great care in making their pet food, so please reward their good humor and esprit de creative commons by visiting their website.)

AS I BLOG here from day to day, I will not always be as baldfaced as I am today about mentioning my book. But I will be touring around the country reading from it, often accompanied by JONATHAN COULTON, so I cannot promise that it will never come up.

BUT BEFORE I PART, I did want to share with you one image of me, accompanied by my book, and a bottle of Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Head Vodka.

FOR INDEED, here is another product that DOES IN FACT EXIST, though there is no rational explanation for it.

IT IS STRANGENESS INCARNATE, and like my book, it is filtered through diamonds.


PHOTO courtesy: Seth Olenick

(John Hodgman is guest blogger.)



  1. Welcome to Boing Boing, John Hodgman! Looking forward to your upcoming posts. I really enjoyed your segment on This American Life.

    Where on EARTH did you get that vodka, and how do I get it? Is it on store shelves?

  2. Oh please, please, PLEASE, stick around here, Mr. John Hodgman. You have no idea how pleasant it is to pull up your favorite blog and the see the face of your favorite lier staring back.

  3. “FOR INDEED, here is another product that DOES IN FACT EXIST, though there is no rational explanation for it.”

    I was hoping this was a link to a Windows Vista site.

  4. Welcome John. I also do hope you’re invited to stick around.

    Furthermore, I think we need to clear something up right off the bat: Are you or are you not the final Cylon?


  5. I think there is a trend with distillers. They are switching from good spirits to high end design in bottles. That has happened a lot with tequila, sadly.

    Don’t judge alcohol by its bottle.

  6. The more direct link to all the flavors of Dick Van Patten’s Dog Foods is here. The link in the original post seemingly has no direct path to the canine cusine…

  7. I can only hope so, #7, and I say he should superimpose images of himself into pictures even when blogging about subjects unrelated to him.

  8. Is it Just me, Or does tHis Not somehow come across as if it is sOme kinD of encrypted messaGe…where capitalized letters spell out soMe secret messAge?

    …that or a new declaratioN of independance?

  9. This is very good news in so many fine ways. Hodgman’s “Blog(?)” was what first pointed me to Boing Boing, and now Boing Boing and Hodgman are coming together in a sort of train-collision-of-awesome.


  10. Wow! A minor celebrity is writing for a blog that I read! It’s almost like I know a minor celebrity!

  11. Too true, #17, too true.

    #21, I know what you mean. I feel so special for some very odd reason. It’s like, wow, he knows my screen name. It’s almost like he knows me. *ahhh*

    In all seriousness, my sleep deprived, pain killer addled mind couldn’t make heads or tails of the post. It’s like my mind was too awed by the use of all caps to fully comprehend the English language or something.

  12. The beverage ZIMA was discontinued today. It was used by hobos to DRIVE CHIGGERS FROM BENEATH THE SKIN.

  13. The Areas of My Expertise was truly excellent, I surmise I’ll end up purchasing the paper and eventual audio form of More Information Than You Require.
    There is indeed a place in the literary world for clever absurdism– (contrary to the tired mainstream comedic expectations for crude innuendo, gross-out humor, and parody found elsewhere).
    Besides, historians will one day remark that today’s financial crisis originated from the attempted Hobo takeover of the United States Government in the 1930’s.

  14. Boy, I wish I were John Hodgman, so that I could read Boing Boing, see random products that catch my attention, and deploy a team of underlings to locate and purchase said random product.

    Just kidding ;). Looking forward to your posts!

  15. …One of my bartender buddies has tried a small sample of that Crystal Head vodka. His description of it can be summed up in one disemvowelment-free word:


    Bottom Line: You buy it for the bottle, not for the booze.

  16. Welcome Mr. Hodgman.

    Good Evening – why is it that whenever I see this written, I pronounce it in my head in an imitation of Bela Lugosi from Dracula?

    Also, speaking of Vodka,I saw on Mythbusters that you can filter a cheap brand through a Brita water filter several times and end up with a close semblance to an expensive brand – though I’ve yet to sample any Vodka that didn’t taste like lighter fluid.

  17. Also, speaking of Vodka,I saw on Mythbusters that you can filter a cheap brand through a Brita water filter several times and end up with a close semblance to an expensive brand – though I’ve yet to sample any Vodka that didn’t taste like lighter fluid.

    Vodka is supposed to taste like pure ethanol diluted with pure water.

    If you don’t like grain alcohol, you probably don’t like vodka.

    That said, I’m more of a fan of scotch or bourbon, personally.

  18. John, I was just pondering this again and the thought struck me, could this ‘Hobo Chili For Dogs’ be made from real hobos (hoboes?)? The same goes for the ‘Chinese Takeout For Dogs’. Could this not be made from real Chinese?

  19. Puh-shaw, people! Potato vodka is the only way to go. It isn’t lighter-fluidy, but rather…creamy. It’s like you’re drinking delicious, alcoholic french fries.

    And deep down, you know you’ve always secretly wanted to drink french fries. Now get thee to thine Beverage Mart and score some Monopolowa!

  20. Welcome, John! Looking forward to more updates from you. Thanks for so many interesting links in the intro post here, too!

    The vodka IS for sale online, and isn’t too awfully expensive; ~$45 on BevMo. Get slammered AND have a somewhat goth bottle to show off! :\

  21. Hodgman,

    Will you be responding to comments here.

    I notice you are not this evening because you are on Rachel Maddow’s show, so that’s cool but it would be cool to have some back and forth.

  22. Oh and one other thing…

    Can you supply us with more information? and how much is this damn book you keep rambling on about?

  23. When I saw “GOOD EVENING.” in my subscription tab, I was expecting an article having something to do with Alfred Hitchcock.

    I was pleasantly surprised to find I was wrong.

  24. I am pleased by the thought that I can briefly command John Hodgman’s attention, since we’re only 50-odd posts in and if he’s human at all (or even the more venal sort of Cylon) he’s refreshing this page on the quarter-minute.

    Mr. Hodgman! My respect for your accomplishments slightly but measurably exceeds my resentment for the fact that we’re roughly the same age and you have accomplishments whereas I do not. Thanks for the laughs.

  25. Puh-shaw, people! Potato vodka is the only way to go. It isn’t lighter-fluidy, but rather… Monopolowa!

    OMG, in a time when truth is catches up to lies, some sanity! I think the trouble started with the making of non-potato vodka.

    Maybe a merger lies herein, during these times of global nonsense, between Hodge’s Imitation of a Blog and Boingboing? Could we be be so lucky?

  26. A while back I was at a birthday party of a co-worker’s husband. She offered me some Polish vodka. I can’t recall the brand but it had a slight yellow tint, and was the soothest stuff I have ever tasted. I left my Alberta Vodka unopened with her, and have never tasted grain vodka since.

    1. I find potato vodka to be rather oily tasting. My favorite vodka was Baikalskaya. It was dead cheap, and I went through cases of it, but I haven’t seen it in years.

  27. Dear John, why must you be a PC?

    Mama said Macs are the devil – and that’s good enough for me. – leaving those Macs alone.

    You heard it here first folks, My mom thinks Macs are the Devil. So, throw yours away and buy pcs. Then he world should work in perfect harmony. No more shall we be one of Satin’s minions.
    h, nd Vt Rpblcn!

  28. Nice to see you here John! Your segment on Rachel Maddow/MSNBC last night was a treat! Yes, do send her on your book tour so that you can spend more time writing for us.

  29. I just really want to know if there is going to be an update on the greatest Dungeons and Dragons rivalries of all time, 3rd edition, or something.

  30. Is it TRUE that in REAL LIFE you’re a Mac AND a PC?

    Also, is it true that there’s something called real life?

  31. hey tom hale, a solid NO! on both counts. and you can kiss my powermac’s brushed aluminum behind ( i’m not sure yet whether or not it actually has an ‘ass’)! actually, i already voted! g bm!

  32. I for one am very pleased to see a subliminal plug for one of my favorite Brooklyn bars, Beer Table, in the form of the backdrop for this photograph. I don’t think they sell skull vodka, but they do have tasty beers and homemade sausages. John, do you go there often?

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