Large Candy Cane Used To Beat Threatening Neighbor

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26 Responses to “Large Candy Cane Used To Beat Threatening Neighbor”

  1. angusm says:

    Can you get a ‘Concealed Carry’ permit for a 2-foot long plastic candy cane? (“Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you _really_ glad to see me?”)

  2. Ugly Canuck says:

    If candy canes were outlawed…
    There are enough candy canes in the world to kill everyone many times over…
    Candy canes don’t hurt people, people do…
    Register criminals, not candy canes…
    Isn’t Candy Canes still in the adult movie business?

  3. Kay the Complainer says:

    But, Ugly Canuck, if candy canes were outlawed, only outlaws would have candy canes!!!!1!

  4. OLAF9000 says:

    only in america! lol

  5. pseudonym says:

    The meth was responsible for the impressive work ethic. Booze (and stupidity) made hime threaten his neighbors. Seems like the wrong drug is illegal.

  6. Shukketsushi says:

    haha that makes me like candy canes again

  7. Xeni Jardin says:

    Exhibit G or Q or I forget what number we’re on for WHY DALE DOUGHERTY IS AN AWESOME GUESTBLOGGER. Meth + Christmas + grievous bodily harm = WIN

  8. Takuan says:

    how do you tell the other inmates what happened to you?

  9. Anonymous says:

    All you needed to say was “Rio Linda” for me to believe this was a true story. We used to call their high school mascot the Rio Linda Tweaker.
    Ah, to live in Sac again.

  10. Johnny Cat says:

    Dale, I agree that obtuse lawn decorations should be used as defensive weapons against harriers. I would love to see my neighbor’s giant snowman re-enact the climax of Ghostbusters as The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man on some thugs.

  11. vert says:

    I was about to post nearly the exact same thing as #4.

    I’ve been going up to Sac frequently here lately to help out my mom who’s been having a hard time lately. She lives in the incredibly sketchy are between Rio Linda and Del Paso Heights. Luckily she’s moving next week.

    Honestly, I’d feel safer in East Oakland after dark than I would most of North Sac.

  12. montauk says:

    Whoever wrote that newspaper column is awesome and I hope they have a blog.

  13. Pipenta says:

    Tak,

    I think you have to sugar coat it.

  14. a_user says:

    never a handy cam or video phone around when you need one.

    Maybe the police could do a video reconstruction so we can ge it on to you tube.

  15. eclectro says:

    “In what may be the only appropriate use for a Christmas lawn decoration”

    WTF? It’s Christmas, and I happen to like the sugary minty candy canes, and do not begrudge anyone trying to find their little bit of seasonal joy. No matter how silly it may seem.

    Is this a Boing Boing scrooge?

    • Antinous says:

      I on, the other hand, can think of several appropriate uses for a giant candy cane. And the bow would make a handy restraint.

  16. jere7my says:

    Take the letters “at” out of “beat” in that headline to get an even better one.

  17. Procrastes says:

    For more police report fun, read the Grass Valley, CA police blotter. We’re just a few miles north and east of Sacramento but several planets weirder.

    http://gvpb.blogspot.com/2008/11/grass-valley-police-blotter-vol-cxiii.html

    “12:14 p.m. – A woman from the 10000 block of Ridge Road reported her husband was threatening to blow up the house. A loud bang was heard in the background before the line was disconnected. Everything was O.K. when sheriff’s deputies arrived.”

  18. glimmerbee says:

    I just saw at the local home depot one “twisted candycane” for Christmas and it had me considering that just the right person could be thinking something twisted about it.

  19. zikman says:

    @13 Jere7my

    lol!

  20. Talia says:

    Vengeance is sweet.

  21. ManhattanManhunter says:

    Oh – Donald Kercell sounds like quite the catch! Dare to dream. ;-)

  22. clothingoptional says:

    I love the start to that 2007 news story. Well worth stealing for a bit of fiction. :)

  23. nanuq says:

    The attacker was lucky there was just a candy cane available. He’d have never heard the end of it if it had been a lawn gnome.

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