Mile-long secret tunnel in central London for sale


85 Responses to “Mile-long secret tunnel in central London for sale”

  1. jjasper says:

    Worlds biggest ball pit!

  2. Antinous says:

    How about a Large Hardon Collider?

  3. Takuan says:

    couldn’t get the liquor licence, just two elevators.

  4. Anonymous says:

    a pretty sweet recording studio?

  5. Teller says:

    Night: Blackout Paintball.
    Day: Segway World.

  6. arkizzle says:

    Do want!

    This and Sealand, and I’ll be well on my way to Evil Villain status.

    I’ll probably need some sort of alpine retreat too, any ideas?

  7. Takuan says:

    Segway Jousting

  8. Takuan says:

    radio control toy heaven?

    and I still can’t find a dueling harness for my Roomba.

  9. arkizzle says:

    Ok, for my alpine lair it’s a toss-up between here and Blofeld’s Retreat.

    Is Blofeld’s too clichéd? Probably, all the other Evil Villains might not take me seriously. I’ll have to do an extreme make-over, if it’s the right choice. Maybe some petawatt laser turrets would do it. Or a nice patio.

  10. Teller says:

    Xlnt. Here: â„¢

  11. benedict says:

    what would one do with a long tunnel ….play cricket in it.

  12. cszostek says:

    Eliminate all corners and you have the start of seriously awesome skate park.

  13. Blackbird says:

    If I’m not mistaken, they’ve shut down the Spadina Slidewalk due to maintenance issues. It may be back up now…but it was down for probably almost a year. I used to love that slidwalk…especially jogging down it…made the trip a whole lot faster! Just remember to slow down at the end or you in for a nasty surprise!

    I agree though that the thing needs to be livened up a bit. I think the graffiti gallery would be a great idea. Other idea’s…Archery anyone!

    Arkizzle – there were also Minuteman silo’s available not to long ago as well. You might want to think of adding that to you list of Evil properties to purchase.

  14. benenglish says:

    The story wasn’t really detailed enough about conditions to know for sure, but if it’s merely noisy and there isn’t any measurable floor vibration, it sounds to me like a great start on a rifle range. Most underground rifle ranges are limited to 100 meters or so and even those are rather rare. A 200 meter firing tunnel would be a huge luxury. I know I’d be willing to pay a reasonable hourly rate to use it. In London, there’s probably a reasonable demand for shooting fun by people with money but no equipment, so the potential for (expensive) rifle rentals exists. Heck, it could be a dedicated training facility for law enforcement snipers; how close is the nearest 200 meter (or longer) rifle range for those guys to train? Whatever the answer, this has got to be more convenient for a number of agencies and the owner could get away with charging them truly exorbitant rental rates.

    The possibilities are endless. Man, this thing could be so much nicer than the 50 meter firing tunnel I’m planning for my retirement place.

  15. arkizzle says: is unregistered, do it!

  16. Takuan says:

    all yours, just name the Cup after me.

  17. Takuan says:

    what about Virtual SegwayJoust with web controlled robots?

  18. Takuan says:

    cruel to animals

  19. Blackbird says:


    Living underground could be really easy to adjust to, especially if your building the place (or retrofitting it) yourself. The mental aspect would be the hardest thing to get over. But today, the physical toll of living underground can almost be completely eliminated. We need sunlight to live well. We can do without it…but our bodies suffer. The same devices used to treat Seasonal Affective Disorder (or SAD, or as Denis Leary calls it…%^%$ing WINTER!) are now being sold commercially as regular lightbulbs as well that produce the specific colour temperature and general wavelengths as the sun. At this point, I don’t know how effective they are though.

    HOw to turn it into an evil lair? … I dunno…A flashing neon sign that says Evil Lair? Maybe an “open” sign too…

  20. mdh says:

    Ben English, you should review UK firearms law.

    Most of the Police there don’t even have access to firearms. Civilians in London simply do not have them.


    160 yard long night club
    1,600 yard long subwoofer

    I’d go there.

  22. Anonymous says:

    London really is a series of tubes. Ted Stevens would be so proud.

  23. Nylund says:

    I’m in favor of bicycle races, although the ball pit idea is intriguing.

    With big enough speakers, you may be able to do some fun things with the acoustics as well.

    In short. I want.

  24. arkizzle says:

    Ross, with a 1600 yard sub woofer, you could probably generate a brown note sufficient to flush all of London’s bowels in one go.

    What a fabulous prank, somewhat akin to the old Blotto Box routine.

  25. Anonymous says:

    I swear this was used for a Doctor Who set. And then I realized I was thinking of the Venture Brothers. And Doctor Who is filmed mostly in Cardiff.

    But I could easily see some of RustyWorlds lost fan club in these tunnels.

  26. Takuan says:

    make a BIG one (may need to drill more manholes)

  27. mdh says:

    Long term Valet Parking?

  28. TWX says:

    I think that NASA and the ESA should buy it. It’s a good size to simulate a long, narrow, otherworldly environment for a Mars mission human endurance test platform. Of course, it doesn’t eliminate gravity, but it is cut off from the world (the submarine comment from the second page of the article), is close enough that if astronaut prospects go insane they can be removed and brought to treatment easily and quickly, and the support staff managing such a test project would have some place nice to live in London while they’re running it.

    It also has the added advantage of being in an English-speaking country so that American scientists and administrators will have an easier time about it, and it’s close enough to mainland Europe that European scientists and administrators won’t have to go very far. And with a mile in length, different detached configurations or multiple simultaneous, similar tests could all be managed at the same time.

  29. arkizzle says:

    HOw to turn it into an evil lair?

    With the addition of some sort of human-killing animal enclosure (usually sharks, but you could really get creative) and an internal electric-train network. Quite simple.

    You may also need henchfolk and you will definitely need a logo; some big impressive brand to put on everything from the train-cars to uniforms to tins of food, and of course, as a background to the boardroom of your organisation.. you do have an organisatiion, don’t you?

    You organisation will need a name; one word, sciencey – with a latin root, eg. Quantum, Spectra, Parallax, Nucleus, Matrix, Fulcrum etc.

  30. EH says:

    Yeah, a skatepark is really the only reasonable use for this space.

  31. Blackbird says:

    First: Antinous.

    “How about a Large Hardon Collider?”

    You almost owed me a new keyboard.


    You only gey the yearly Evil Newsletter??
    You should be on the mailing list for Evil Drawn ‘n Quarterly!

  32. Blackbird says:

    I was always partial to Praxis…

  33. Takuan says:

    frickin’ meerkats with lasers on their foreheads.

  34. mdh says:

    It would make a good holding pen for the Zombies…

  35. pewma says:

    Would these meetings include dipping British superspies into tanks of piranhas?

    I think their “meetings” are more likely to involve dipping prostitutes into tanks of hot chocolate and sprinkles.

  36. Blackbird says:

    Na man…Laughing Hyena’s. What says evil more than someone (thing) laughing at you as they kill you!

  37. arkizzle says:

    BlackBird, minuteman silos are a nice addition!

    I could fill one up with water to house my sharks (for the inevitable secret agent that tries to get up in my shit), and another to store all my old contraptions that never quite managed to take over the world. I wonder do Evil Villains have garage/yard sales.. could probably pick up some cheap servo-mounted doom, or a nice shag-pile carpet, at least.

    Let me just put a note out on the EvilVillains mailing list..

    They’re a pretty punctual lot, actually, once you get past the initial trying-to-kill-everyone bit. They do a newsletter every year to let the community know what terror they have been getting up to and what their kids’ hockey teams have been geting up to etc. Really welcoming spirit.

  38. Takuan says:

    project video on the walls, overlapping images to create a mile long movie

  39. Takuan says:

    rocket sled ride

  40. Takuan says:

    pot farm

  41. Takuan says:

    catacomb, you keep the bones, I get the meat

  42. arkizzle says:


    I reckon you could cover the £7Milllion asking price in a few months with a mile long stretch of grow-space.

    The electricity bill would be insane though.

    Do it!

  43. controlbroke says:

    it would make a spectacular mosque

  44. benenglish says:

    MDH, with all due respect, the U.K. is legendary among the worldwide shooting fraternity for a tradition of fine, long-range rifle shooting. (The GB Palma team is especially noteworthy.) Some quick examples:

    I don’t know about London, specifically, but there are a large number of civilians in the U.K. who actively shoot long-range (and other) rifle competition. Beyond that, I can’t imagine any modern country with a full-flowering bureacracy that doesn’t have lots of miscellaneous law enforcement agencies, each with at least a couple of snipers on the payroll.

    IOW, I stand by my original assertion that there there is sufficient rifle shooting in the U.K. to support the notion of a (fairly expensive) all-weather shooting range. Of course, I grant that there may be legal issues of which I’m not aware that are specific to London.

  45. FLG says:

    First thing that comes to mind…

    4 lane segway drag races!

  46. Takuan says:

    hmmm, ISO luminaires, light pipes? What internal lining would deliver the right frequency reflectivities? LED’s? Lot’s being done growing pot with LEDS these days. Low heat, low wattage, long ,life, high cost…. Or GMO lichen with THC genes that grows on damp concrete walls without light? Vats of bacteria matts? Psilocybin culture?

    Internationally franchised torture chambers? Renditions R Us? No, wait, he’s been laid off….

    Really big, really amateur linear accelerator to make medical isotopes?

    ice rink? Carbon sink? New sport? (mile long hand ball) snake pit? (Parliament just doesn’t do it any more) manufacturing facility for realllly loong extrusions? battery farm? day care? art gallery?

  47. Takuan says:

    tubular green screen

  48. arkizzle says:

    Blackbird: WIN!

  49. arkizzle says:

    You can’t do a drag race on a segway, the flamboyant dresses would get caught in the wheels.

    Bah-Dum Tissssh!

  50. Takuan says:

    fill the whole tunnel with theatrical atmospheric smoke and have a mile long laser show with pounding music, naked dancers, motorized armchairs and projected holographic video of Margret Thatcher in a latex thong. That’ll make ‘em talk.

  51. Takuan says:

    hang massive spiked steel swinging balls down the center of the roof and take bets on how far destitute graduate students get when paid piecework by distance covered while fueled on vending machine coffee and stale graham crackers.

  52. mdh says:

    Ben English, with all due respect, I said “In London”. If you’re going to get all pedantic, get better at it.

  53. Takuan says:

    nanoball pit

  54. soundchaser says:

    actually the spadina moving walkway has been gone for years. they actually removed it completely. you can see where it once was by the color of the tiles, and how every so often the wall still has the engraved “please hold hand rail” or whatever. not sure when you last saw it, but i’ve been living in toronto for three years and it’s been gone as long as i can remember.

    and yeah, it should really be two stations. it’s a pain trying to explain to people who don’t know that there are actually two subway stations called spadina. although generally people who know refer to them as “spadina north” and “spadina south” or something along those lines. but frankly the ttc has issues way bigger than confusing station names!

  55. John Handelaar says:

    MDH, there’s a complete ban on handguns, and restrictions on most other weapons, but not a ban on all firearms. London has no laws on this or any other subject which apply only to London.

    Ben’s right and you’re wrong.

  56. arkizzle says:

    Oh Jesus, Takuan.. Those two sites you linked.. I’m.. complete

    That’s it folks, we’ve seen Peak Internet, it’s all downhill from here. Thank God we got to see it in our lifetime.

  57. arkizzle says:

    No.. really.. Single greatest website(s) ever..

    Thank you, I will be utilising these wonders of mankind, daily.

  58. Galoot says:

    Troll storage, with extra room for the vowels.

  59. Takuan says:

    kudos to those who first posted them

  60. Takuan says:

    #5 posted by Random_Tangent , November 21, 2008 10:55 AM



  61. Takuan says:

    #6 posted by Jonathan Harford , November 27, 2008 8:16 AM

  62. Takuan says:

    I think you guys should have a shoot-out. I know just the place.

  63. Takuan says:

    endurance fencing piste?

  64. Takuan says:

    world’s longest Slip n Slide, with catapult.

    really world’ longest sushi bar?

  65. Jack says:

    I think if we could get Maru the cat and a bunch of boxes in here, the world would be entertained.

  66. soundchaser says:

    you’re blogging out of london? news to me!
    sorry if that’s a newb thing to wonder, but i assumed you were in LA or SF or NY.

    btw, tunnels rock! this tunnel reminds me of the spadina north/south connecting tunnel on the TTC in toronto.
    just stick a busker in there playing the cello in a rectangle of yellow circles to complete the picture.

  67. Keeper of the Lantern says:

    Your “office”?

    Why did they need a tunnel between the Thames and the Islington Angel?

  68. Cory Doctorow says:

    Yup, my office — where I go every morning, sit down, and write! Some pics here:

    I used to work out of the spare bedroom at the flat, but now that’s the baby’s room. It’s nice to have a place to meet people that isn’t home, too — plus, I got to turn it into a total lair that has all my favorite junk in it, as well as a reading chair and a napping sofa (which, sadly, I almost never get to use).

    It’s a good 20 minutes from home, 30 minutes most mornings as I usually drop off the baby at day-care on the way.

  69. mdh says:

    Yeah Ben, be more like John. Both correct and classy about it. I’m well aware firearms are legal in the UK, I thought the handgun ban extended to firearms generally in London.

    A shootout? pshew!! pshew-shew!!

  70. Blackbird says:

    I haven’t been there in a while…I prefer St. George…one set of steps immediatly to the other platform. MUCH more convenient that sluggin what has to be a block or more underground…

    yeah…they do have bigger problems than station names!

  71. Cory Doctorow says:

    Soundchaser, I’ve lived in London since 2003 (except for academic 2006/7, which I spent in LA on a Fulbright at USC). Before that, San Francisco, Toronto, Costa Rica, Toronto.

    I agree about the Spadina tunnel! You know, I think that technically that should really be classed as two separate stations joined by an underground slidewalk. It’s kind of a cheat that the TTC pretends it’s all one.

  72. mrsomuch says:

    can we set up bowling with zorb balls? or maybe a big catapult? too much fun!

  73. jabley says:

    what the hell is a ball pit?

  74. jackie31337 says:

    Takuan @34 Or GMO lichen with THC genes that grows on damp concrete walls without light? Vats of bacteria matts? Psilocybin culture?

    Actually, it would probably be a good environment for growing some kind of fungus. I know that in Scandinavia, a lot of disused mines are now mushroom farms. I think they generally grow the less magical varieties, though.

    Blackbird @16 there were also Minuteman silo’s available not to long ago as well.

    My partner (romantic, not business) is seriously considering purchasing a former missile silo or communications bunker to be the site of his future business, and possibly also our home. We’ve had many strange discussions of just how to turn it into an evil genius lair. I’m not sure I could adjust to living totally underground, though.

  75. Slow Burn says:

    “An eclectic range of would-be buyers has asked about the space, including an overseas billionaire seeking a spot to hold his board meetings.”

    Would these meetings include dipping British superspies into tanks of piranhas?

  76. annoyingmouse says:

    So over the years the tunnel has been a “temporary base for troops before D-Day” and held host to “almost 200 workers”. More and more I’m confused about the way in which people use the word “secret”.

  77. nanuq says:

    It’s too bleak to attract many buyers right now. They should have a graffiti competition to liven the tunnel up. A world-class graffiti gallery could be a tourist attraction.

  78. arkizzle says:

    what the hell is a ball pit?

    Wow.. as close as I’ve ever seen to blasphemy, on BB.

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