The Gonad Gourmet

71A62BB3-7481-439F-9D73-1D89F2453FC1.jpg With the Thanksgiving turkey behind us, here's something else you don't eat regularly: meaty balls. Check out The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking with Balls by Serbian chef, Ljubomir Erovic. This multimedia cookbook tells you how to peel and slice animal testicles to make such wonders as Testicle Pizza - just add your own toppings!

Wouldn't you know *it* tastes like chicken. But *it* works like Viagra!

Ever since I was a little boy I listened to the elderly talking about testicles, when well prepared and cooked, can stimulate sexual activities. It seemed funny and stupid to me then, until as a grown up man I tasted delicious goulash at a party sometime at the end of the ‘80s. I was told that it was a rabbit goulash. I couldn’t sleep that very night because I became incredibly aroused and felt a real ``charge of positive energy`` that I had to use somehow. I had never experienced anything like that before.

The next day, after the wild night, I found out from a friend that the dish we ate was testicle goulash. I suddenly realized that it could be a great way to help the sexually troubled ones and through the cooking contests discover the strongest aphrodisiac to conquer the world. The way to better sexual life through food and not drugs is the idea that keeps running through my mind.

If I had to choose one recipe from my book and recommend it to someone who's eating testicle meat for the first time it would have to be Erovic Style Goulash with Stallion or Bulls Testicles. This is because Stallion and Bulls testicles are the tastiest, and the combination of flavours works best with the testicle meat. It also happens to be my favourite recipe, which I created myself!

Like every other meat, testicles taste differently depending on which animal they come from. But in general it is quite similar to other white meats, and once it is cooked a lot of people think it is actually chicken!

From Erovic's introduction to the Ball Cup, the Testicle Cooking Championship.

Gentlemen, don't be squeamish, fire up the barbie and invite the neighbors over. See what kind of positive energy you can cook up at home.

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  1. “And I’m just itching to tell you about them
    Oh we had such wonderful fun
    Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish
    (But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all)”

  2. A long time ago.

    The way to prepare them was fresh from the calf. We’d place a shovel, upturned in the branding fire, and toss them on to fry as we emasculated. The little ones were best, or at least they’d cook completely through … that helped with the rather unpalatable brain-like texture. Not bad, at least, not a waste.

  3. I hate this kind of magical thinking — eat part X of an animal and it will give you quality X of that animal.

    By that logic, zombies should be really smart… since they eat brains.

  4. Jaruzek

    The comments in the semen-book link are hilarious, complete with other outraged commenters who aren’t getting the fun at all..

  5. Bull testicals are consumed in Turkey (well some parts and some people only), and sexual power thing is mentioned as a joke. Although I didn’t cook any last year (my house mate can’t stand even the thought of it) there was a time I used to eat every now and then, and believe me sexual power thing is only placebo effect.

    Although they taste good, please don’t torture your self hoping for a viagra effect. Eat them if you are open to new tastes..

  6. One of those parts of an animal that, like brain and tongue, you can identify instantly from the texture. It’s not really like brain, more fibrous and chewy.

  7. Last month we had, what, a guest blogger who created an entire post about movies with castration scenes? And now this.

    No. Just, no.

    1. Last month we had, what, a guest blogger who created an entire post about movies with castration scenes? And now this.

      Waste not; want not.

  8. To get a testosterone (viagra) effect, I think you’d have to liquefy and inject the testicles into you, because the acid of your stomach will destroy complex proteins. So if you were troubled by eating them, or disturbed by cooking them, try that for size.

  9. “Ever since I was a little boy I listened to the elderly talking about testicles”!! Too funny. I can picture the little nipper in his knee britches eyes agog with wonder! The best part would be when Grampy called a time out to serve fromunda cheese on toast. Ah, the good old days.

  10. Yuk…I remember seeing an episode of ‘Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern’ and he was somewhere, I believe in Asia, and had to eat some testicles from a goat or bull. The look on his face was priceless!

  11. #16: Wait, that lulu.com place is real? And so is the semen book? I thought it was some Onion-style trolling. Fucking hell.

  12. “The testicles of the right whale are likely to be the largest of any animal, each weighing around 500 kg (1,100 lb).”

  13. Why do they have a picture of someone chopping up a potato on the cover of a testicle cookbook?

    …Oh, wait.

  14. Tcha. Slywy @10 is right — it’s this kind of nonsense that gets bears and tigers and rhinos killed off to supply quack aphrodisiacs.

    That said, Rocky Mountain oysters can be very tasty if they’re prepared correctly. If you’re in Montreal, eat at Au Pied de Cochon and see if they’re on the menu. If they aren’t, eat something else.

  15. I wouldn’t count on sudden sexual charge, but I’d try them if given the chance. Pretty much anything can be tasty if prepared by someone who knows what they’re doing, and by the time it gets to your plate I doubt it’s any more identifiable than any other cut of meat.

    Where would one buy it in the US, though? Or find it in a restaurant?

  16. #40, just show up at the Rock Springs Cafe the first Saturday of the month October-May for the “Hogs in Heat BBQ & Nut Fry”. All-you-can-eat Rocky Mountain Oysters. Live country music, and generally a bunch of bikers hanging out and having a good time.

  17. For curios people about the taste, it is smooth and a little bit sweet, very easy to eat.

    #29, I think his face was changing not from the taste but from the idea. Come on, that guy ate live worms …

    I am sure that 80% would like the taste if they ate it without knowing what it is.

    And why am I a fan of testicals? Actually I am not, but it is a regional taste, which is dying because of american driven homogenous fast food culture. People eat Mc Donalds and then tell me that testicals are gross. Buy a burger, wait for an hour, eat it and then tell me which is gross.

    I eat brain salad, I eat kokorec which is sheep intestines, I eat liver, I eat kidneys, I drink soup made from cow stomach. And all of these will be lost in ten years because of EU food regulations. Because a wise guy says these are not healthy. Yes, you should not consume these things often but I can never accept that a fatty, calorie bursting, colesterol pumping burger is healthy nad testicals are not…

  18. I’m with redogre.

    I had lamb testicles in a tart lemon sauce about 25 years ago, at a Lebanese restaurant in what is now the Koreatown neighborhood of Manhattan. I had been taken to this restaurant by a Lebanese co-worker, and when he pointed out the lambs’ balls I think he was doing it as a dare. Well, I called his bluff, and I ordered them.

    They were spectacularly delicious. Tender, sweet, and a sort of concentrated essence of lamb flavor (which makes sense, considering).

    I feel so sorry for the average American, whose cultural preconceptions prevent him or her from trying the unconventional. These things seem strange only because we are unaccustomed to them, not because of any inherently strange qualities. We eat so many other parts of these animals, from their rumps to their feet to their tongues–why should their testicles be so unthinkable?

    I’m happy I was raised by adventurous eaters!

  19. Takuan:
    Doubtful. Though I’m not a scientist, the balls don’t really filter anything. Toxins would be found in the kidneys, liver, and possibly the spleen. That is of course if they’ve been exposed to toxins…

  20. I don’t see what the problem is — eating this stuff looks like fun.

    I mean, you could really have a ball.

  21. I feel so sorry for the average American, whose cultural preconceptions prevent him or her from trying the unconventional. These things seem strange only because we are unaccustomed to them, not because of any inherently strange qualities. We eat so many other parts of these animals, from their rumps to their feet to their tongues–why should their testicles be so unthinkable?

    Every culture holds its own preconceptions about what is unthinkable or inedible. This isn’t a quality exclusive to Americans.

    That being said, I’m not eating anything’s testicles, although I hasten to add that there are plenty of common American foods that I don’t have any interest in eating either.

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