The Gonad Gourmet

With the Thanksgiving turkey behind us, here's something else you don't eat regularly: meaty balls. Check out The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking with Balls by Serbian chef, Ljubomir Erovic. This multimedia cookbook tells you how to peel and slice animal testicles to make such wonders as Testicle Pizza - just add your own toppings!

Wouldn't you know *it* tastes like chicken. But *it* works like Viagra!

Ever since I was a little boy I listened to the elderly talking about testicles, when well prepared and cooked, can stimulate sexual activities. It seemed funny and stupid to me then, until as a grown up man I tasted delicious goulash at a party sometime at the end of the ‘80s. I was told that it was a rabbit goulash. I couldn’t sleep that very night because I became incredibly aroused and felt a real ``charge of positive energy`` that I had to use somehow. I had never experienced anything like that before.
The next day, after the wild night, I found out from a friend that the dish we ate was testicle goulash. I suddenly realized that it could be a great way to help the sexually troubled ones and through the cooking contests discover the strongest aphrodisiac to conquer the world. The way to better sexual life through food and not drugs is the idea that keeps running through my mind.
If I had to choose one recipe from my book and recommend it to someone who's eating testicle meat for the first time it would have to be Erovic Style Goulash with Stallion or Bulls Testicles. This is because Stallion and Bulls testicles are the tastiest, and the combination of flavours works best with the testicle meat. It also happens to be my favourite recipe, which I created myself!
Like every other meat, testicles taste differently depending on which animal they come from. But in general it is quite similar to other white meats, and once it is cooked a lot of people think it is actually chicken!
From Erovic's introduction to the Ball Cup, the Testicle Cooking Championship.

Gentlemen, don't be squeamish, fire up the barbie and invite the neighbors over. See what kind of positive energy you can cook up at home.

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arkizzle

SMGrady

Or, you know.. use Viagra.
pizzaboxbeercan

Yuk…I remember seeing an episode of ‘Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern’ and he was somewhere, I believe in Asia, and had to eat some testicles from a goat or bull. The look on his face was priceless!
roundabout

i prefer my balls raw, if you get my drift
Takuan

is testosterone thermolabile?
redogre

For curios people about the taste, it is smooth and a little bit sweet, very easy to eat.

#29, I think his face was changing not from the taste but from the idea. Come on, that guy ate live worms …

I am sure that 80% would like the taste if they ate it without knowing what it is.

And why am I a fan of testicals? Actually I am not, but it is a regional taste, which is dying because of american driven homogenous fast food culture. People eat Mc Donalds and then tell me that testicals are gross. Buy a burger, wait for an hour, eat it and then tell me which is gross.

I eat brain salad, I eat kokorec which is sheep intestines, I eat liver, I eat kidneys, I drink soup made from cow stomach. And all of these will be lost in ten years because of EU food regulations. Because a wise guy says these are not healthy. Yes, you should not consume these things often but I can never accept that a fatty, calorie bursting, colesterol pumping burger is healthy nad testicals are not…
Gilbert Wham

#16: Wait, that lulu.com place is real? And so is the semen book? I thought it was some Onion-style trolling. Fucking hell.
klg19

I’m with redogre.

I had lamb testicles in a tart lemon sauce about 25 years ago, at a Lebanese restaurant in what is now the Koreatown neighborhood of Manhattan. I had been taken to this restaurant by a Lebanese co-worker, and when he pointed out the lambs’ balls I think he was doing it as a dare. Well, I called his bluff, and I ordered them.

They were spectacularly delicious. Tender, sweet, and a sort of concentrated essence of lamb flavor (which makes sense, considering).

I feel so sorry for the average American, whose cultural preconceptions prevent him or her from trying the unconventional. These things seem strange only because we are unaccustomed to them, not because of any inherently strange qualities. We eat so many other parts of these animals, from their rumps to their feet to their tongues–why should their testicles be so unthinkable?

I’m happy I was raised by adventurous eaters!
Matt Staggs

I feel so sorry for the average American, whose cultural preconceptions prevent him or her from trying the unconventional. These things seem strange only because we are unaccustomed to them, not because of any inherently strange qualities. We eat so many other parts of these animals, from their rumps to their feet to their tongues–why should their testicles be so unthinkable?

Every culture holds its own preconceptions about what is unthinkable or inedible. This isn’t a quality exclusive to Americans.

That being said, I’m not eating anything’s testicles, although I hasten to add that there are plenty of common American foods that I don’t have any interest in eating either.
jjasper

You need to post this stuff BEFORE the unicorn Chaser. Not after.
Takuan

“The testicles of the right whale are likely to be the largest of any animal, each weighing around 500 kg (1,100 lb).”
Anonymous

And if you eat the heart of your opponent, you gain his courage.

It’s so /obvious/.
dbarak

#33 posted by Takuan

How big on a SPERM whale?
- Antinous
  
  Vas deferens – the other white meat
gr00veNU

@11 dannysland:

you totally reminded me of these and i think they will make the perfect stocking stuffer for that special zombie in your life:

http://boingboing.net/2008/10/28/horrified-bmovie-vic.html

though really i’m sure it would be just as happy to get one of these:

http://www.mcphee.com/items/10375.html
pseudonym

Hey, you don’t need to go any further than Schweaty balls. Call up NPR and get the recipe.
arkizzle

Nooooooooo!
Lauren O

Why do they have a picture of someone chopping up a potato on the cover of a testicle cookbook?

…Oh, wait.
mdh

“And I’m just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish
(But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all)”
Teresa Nielsen Hayden / Moderator

Tcha. Slywy @10 is right — it’s this kind of nonsense that gets bears and tigers and rhinos killed off to supply quack aphrodisiacs.

That said, Rocky Mountain oysters can be very tasty if they’re prepared correctly. If you’re in Montreal, eat at Au Pied de Cochon and see if they’re on the menu. If they aren’t, eat something else.
MadFist

“Ouch.”
dbarak

Aside from both of us being vegetarian, my wife’s allergic to nuts.
pseudonym

Sir, you have my sympathy.
Takuan

wonder if any particular toxins tend to concentrate there?
arkizzle

Pseudonym: haha!

dbarak, mine too :(
Chairboy

In the immortal words of Mexican Shakespeare:

“Gracias, para no gracias.”
Blackbird

Takuan:
Doubtful. Though I’m not a scientist, the balls don’t really filter anything. Toxins would be found in the kidneys, liver, and possibly the spleen. That is of course if they’ve been exposed to toxins…
stickyfinger

A long time ago.

The way to prepare them was fresh from the calf. We’d place a shovel, upturned in the branding fire, and toss them on to fry as we emasculated. The little ones were best, or at least they’d cook completely through … that helped with the rather unpalatable brain-like texture. Not bad, at least, not a waste.
slywy

It’s nonsense like this that’s helping to kill off tigers, bears, et al.
dannysland

I hate this kind of magical thinking — eat part X of an animal and it will give you quality X of that animal.

By that logic, zombies should be really smart… since they eat brains.
Takuan

load of bollocks
Colonist

Last week Megan Carpentier of Jezebel along with Kay Steiger, Latoya Peterson, Ann Friedman, and Spencer Ackerman recorded a vlog of them using the cookbook to make an extra savory meal. Quite funny.
jaruzek

That’s a good companion to “Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes”
http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212
Elvis Pelt

“rather unpalatable brain-like texture”…sign me up!

Oh wait, no.
arkizzle

Jaruzek

The comments in the semen-book link are hilarious, complete with other outraged commenters who aren’t getting the fun at all..
tgjerusalem

I wouldn’t count on sudden sexual charge, but I’d try them if given the chance. Pretty much anything can be tasty if prepared by someone who knows what they’re doing, and by the time it gets to your plate I doubt it’s any more identifiable than any other cut of meat.

Where would one buy it in the US, though? Or find it in a restaurant?
buddy66

Too late. Wait…

elephants?
Anonymous

Where the heck can one order bull balls on-line?
Thanks
Teller

“multimedia” Perfect for my daughter’s prom date.
Ernunnos

#40, just show up at the Rock Springs Cafe the first Saturday of the month October-May for the “Hogs in Heat BBQ & Nut Fry”. All-you-can-eat Rocky Mountain Oysters. Live country music, and generally a bunch of bikers hanging out and having a good time.
redogre

Bull testicals are consumed in Turkey (well some parts and some people only), and sexual power thing is mentioned as a joke. Although I didn’t cook any last year (my house mate can’t stand even the thought of it) there was a time I used to eat every now and then, and believe me sexual power thing is only placebo effect.

Although they taste good, please don’t torture your self hoping for a viagra effect. Eat them if you are open to new tastes..
SpeckledJim

One of those parts of an animal that, like brain and tongue, you can identify instantly from the texture. It’s not really like brain, more fibrous and chewy.
aarrgghh

you folks haven’t lived til you’ve sucked on my chocolate salty balls!
ROSSINDETROIT

AAAUUUGH! My eyes!
Quick! Look at these pictures of duckies and puppies.
1adam12

Last month we had, what, a guest blogger who created an entire post about movies with castration scenes? And now this.

No. Just, no.
- Antinous
  
  Last month we had, what, a guest blogger who created an entire post about movies with castration scenes? And now this.
  
  Waste not; want not.
ackpht

The perfect Xmas gift for my soon-to-be-ex brother-in-law.
smgrady

To get a testosterone (viagra) effect, I think you’d have to liquefy and inject the testicles into you, because the acid of your stomach will destroy complex proteins. So if you were troubled by eating them, or disturbed by cooking them, try that for size.
Anonymous

Frenzal’s have been singing about this for years:
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=iJgaN44t8oo

Moderator note: Click this link at your own risk.
frankieboy

“Ever since I was a little boy I listened to the elderly talking about testicles”!! Too funny. I can picture the little nipper in his knee britches eyes agog with wonder! The best part would be when Grampy called a time out to serve fromunda cheese on toast. Ah, the good old days.
Jonathan

I don’t see what the problem is — eating this stuff looks like fun.

I mean, you could really have a ball.