Atheism Song -- Adam Sandler's Hannukah Song, but for nonbelievers

I really like this young man's parody of Adam Sandler's Hannukah Song, reworked for lonely atheists in the holiday season:
So when you feel like the only kid in town, without a God-like idol,
Here’s a list of famous atheists, so you don’t feel sui-cidal:

Ben Franklin and Thomas Edison, the Fathers of Invention,
Also Sigmund Freud, who discovered anal retention

The Piano Man, Billy Joel, refused to join a sect
Now we know why Rodney Dangerfield, never got any respect

Angelina Jolie, astronomer Carl Sagan
Put them together– not a bad-looking pagan [Sagan was really agnostic]

You don’t need a bar- mitzvah, or even baptizm
Cause you can get blessed – by Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens

Forget Adam Sandler's Hanukkah Song, Here's the Atheism Song (Thanks, Don!)


  1. I’m reading Walter Isaacson’s biography of Ben Franklin, and he wasn’t an atheist but a deist who promoted tolerance for various religious beliefs.

  2. I thought that was super cute.

    I know a lot of people are going to pick apart everything in this song “bah x wasn’t an atheist! I’m writing a harsh letter to the editor!”

  3. Good, but not as good as what I consider the the definitive anthem for Atheism and Humanism:

    John Lennon’s “God”

    Even if he wasn’t an Atheist, I think the lyrics to this song present the principles of Atheism extremely clearly.

    And then, the bit at the end, “I just believe in me”, well, that’s the starting point for Humanism, right there.

    Still, it’s not as funny as that Atheism Song, although the Adam Sandler impression actually hurts it.

  4. Clearly in this case Atheism is being used as a blanket term for non-theists. whether you agree with that or not, Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson were both secular and I imagine would be a bit disappointed with the current Jesusland.

  5. I agree with neurolux, since the time I realised I could think for myself that has been my “YES! That’s exactly what I would say!” song

  6. “…Sunday being my studying day, I never was without some religious principles. I never doubted, for instance, the existence of the Deity; that He made the world, and governed it by His providence; that the most acceptable service of God was the doing good to man; that our souls are immortal; and that all crime will be punished, and virtue rewarded, either here or hereafter.”

    Pretty much sums up what Ben Franklin believed, in his own words.

  7. My favorite atheist: Douglas Adams

    Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
    — Douglas Adams, from Last Chance To See

  8. @#13, Belac –
    Good choice. “God Thinks” has been my favorite musical take on religion for a long time.

  9. If you had to bin a deist into atheist or not-atheist, I’d put him in the “atheist” bin.

    The main dividing line for me is whether or not the person believes that Truth/Knowledge can be given to humans through supernatural revalations from God. i.e. Dogma.

    If you believe it can, I’d say you’re not atheist.

  10. Commenting on the song: I liked it, it has multiple levels for me… the ironies seem intentional, but perhaps not. It works either way.

    Commenting on the comments: I find fundamentalist atheism very tiresome. Adding circular reasoning, dogmatic intransigence and historical revisionism to a weak philosophy doesn’t improve it.


  11. To me, religion is a bunch of people standing in a room guessing whats on the other side of a locked door.

    Leave these people in the room long enough and you will hear more and more detailed accounts of what is probably behind the door.

    Some people think there is an amusement park behind the door. Atheists think there is nothing at all behind the door. Both of these opinions are total guesses no evidence whatsoever to support them.

    Agnostics say “You will find out what is on the other side of the door when you pass through it”. Trying to guess without evidence is futile.

  12. #21: Thats not true, agnostics actually believe theres something supernatural behind that door, they are better than believers because at least they don’t invent stupid stories that make no sense.
    And atheist don’t try to “guess” what’s behind “that door”… they think there is no such door, and that everything has a rational reason or explanation. That a supernatural being is the origin of life isn’t the rational and satisfactory answer atheists are looking for.
    (sorry for my bad english)

  13. I dig. Seconding Voltaire’s ‘God Thinks’ and John Lennon’s ‘God’ as my non-religious anthems of choice.

  14. God thinks all blacks are obsolete farm equipment
    God thinks the Jews killed his son and must be punished
    God thinks the white man is Satan
    God, they know what God thinks

    God thinks we should all convert to Judaism
    God thinks we must all be Christians and
    God thinks we should all embrace Islam
    God thinks the only true religion is Hinduism

    And I
    I know what God thinks
    God thinks you’re a waste of flesh
    God prefers an Atheist

    God God
    God thinks all people like you are hateful
    God thinks all people like you are an embarrassment to creation
    self-righteous, judgmental, first to throw a stone
    and using His name for your own protection

    God thinks the sun revolves around the Earth
    God thinks there was something very wrong with Copernicus
    God thinks abortion is murder and
    God thinks everything that science gave us is wrong
    God thinks women deserve it
    God thinks AIDS is a form of punishment

    I hate people who blame the Devil for their own shortcomings and
    I hate people who thank God when things go right

    And I
    I know what God thinks
    God thinks you’re an idiot
    God prefers a heretic

    God God
    God thinks all people like you are hateful
    God thinks all people like you are an embarrassment to creation
    self-righteous, judgmental, first to throw the stone
    and using His name for your own agenda

    God is a liberal
    God is a democrat
    God wants you to vote republican
    never trust a man who puts his words in the mouth of god
    and says it’s absolute truth
    its lies and it smells like death
    its all in a day’s work taking money from the poor
    Why do you think that God would need your dirty money
    if he want to start a holy war?

    self-righteous, judgmental, first to throw a stone
    and using His name for your own protection

    God thinks puppies need to die and
    God thinks babies need to drown
    ’cause God is neither good nor bad
    God is you and me
    God is Everything

  15. BdgBill @ #21:

    And Zen Buddhists second the advice from the agnostics and add “Why don’t you sit down facing this wall that the door is in, and pay attention to what’s right here, right now?”

  16. #22: Atheism like amoral means “without morality” means ‘without theism’. Religions believe various things are behind the door and atheist merely ignore them. Some think there is nothing there and some refuse to ponder it. But they agree that they don’t think there is an amusement park there.

    I think a lot of people say they are agnostic because they don’t want to characterize themselves as arrogant since so many people do ‘believe’. If someone asked if you believed in Santa Claus or the tooth fairy you would never say “well i don’t know for sure so I’m going to remain agnostic” – that’s just fence sitting and mock respectful. You go with your best guess in life.

    Besides, everyone has a camera phone these days so until there is a youtube clip of santa claus, the tooth fairy, ghosts, god, aliens, a burning bush or elvis in a taco bell – I’m just not going to keep that possibility open enough to admit “i just can’t say for sure”. Don’t open your mind so much that your brains fall out.

  17. Agnostics think that there might be *something* behind that door, but that we don’t (and can’t) know what it is.

    I used to consider myself agnostic, but more recently I just call myself atheist, because although I still think there might be a creator, I *definitely* do not believe in any of the gods that religions are trying to foist off on us.

    People have tried to convince me that I should believe on the basis of Pascal’s Wager, but I don’t see how that could possibly be of any use. If there is a omniscient god that expects us to believe with faith and no proof, and I go through the motions not because I believe but because I’m trying to hedge my bets, that god will obviously know that I didn’t have faith, and won’t grant me the rewards reserved for the faithful. Even if I did try to pretend to believe in god, what if I pretended to believe in the wrong god?

    If there is a god that requires that we believe based on faith rather than proof, I don’t in the least bit regret failing to believe in such a sadistic god.

  18. That’s not what “agnostic” means:

    Everyone is either an atheist or a theist. We’re all born atheists (lacking belief), and some of us become theists. There is no need to capitalize the word “atheist”, as it is not a movement, a belief system, or a religion. Saying that atheism is a belief is like saying that baldness is a hair color.

    1. There is no need to capitalize the word “atheist”, as it is not a movement, a belief system, or a religion.

      You must be new to BB if you haven’t met the fundamentalist atheists. They will not rest until everyone believes what they believe, until everyone acknowledges that they are the repositories of the One Truth.

  19. For me, Atheism is as much a religion as any of the others. A group of people claim to “know” there is no god, no afterlife and that we are all just a fortunate collection of chemicals.

    As an agnostic I accept that the Atheists may very well be correct. A;though, it’s just as likely that the Hindu’s are correct.

    It’s possible that 5 minutes after you die you wake up on the salt mines of Theta 3 to someone asking “how was your vacation?”

    I accept the possibiity of god and the possibility of no god. This is not fence sitting.

  20. BDGBILL, surely you aren’t putting the same odds on ‘Theta3 after death’ as ‘nothing after death’. Are you?

    For me atheism is just an odds game. I’m 99% that like grass, ants and bacteria, humans just cease to exist in any cerebral form after death. Of course I’m leaving the option open that we are an alien experiment or that Vishnu is all-powerful – but at 1% I’m not really betting on it.

    Besides, in lieu of “evidence”, I tend to use the knowledge gained over the last few hundred years to support a modern world view over one, like your example Hinduism, that was created without the benefit of scientific exploration.

    Maybe the Garden of Eden is just another possible scenerio but although I can never ‘know’ I’m going to go with evolution for the time being.

    To say I accept the possibility of Eden AND the possibility of evolution IS fence sitting – not that it is wrong – just that it seems extreme backwards bending is going on to prevent an opinion.

  21. Hm, maybe that could be simplified to:

    atheists deny the validity of a priori knowledge.

    theists don’t.


  22. #31: That’s not what “agnostic” means

    Which statement(s) about agnosticism were you trying to refute?

    Everyone is either an atheist or a theist.

    That’s a false dichotomy. It’s certainly possible for a person to be unsure whether there is a god or not, and such a person would by definition qualify neither as a theist nor an atheist, since the former definitely believes that there are one or more gods, and the latter definitely believes that there are none.

    There is no need to capitalize the word “atheist”, as it is not a movement, a belief system, or a religion

    Atheism most certainly is a philosophy and thus a belief system. The hypothesis that there is no god is a universal negative, and thus cannot be proven. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. For a person to have absolute belief that there is no god requires every bit as much faith as the belief that there are one or more gods.

    Given that there are a non-trivial number of atheists attempting to convert non-atheists, it is not clear to me under what sensible definition of movement there can be said NOT to be an atheist movement.

    We’re all born atheists (lacking belief)

    I’ll concede that to be true in the literal sense, but it of little consequence since as far as we know a newborn does not spend any time considering the issue of whether there is a god. In that sense, a newborn also does not believe that the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter is pi, but there is no point to saying that the newborn doesn’t believe in mathematics.

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