Of course, the parents sued the school (or perhaps threatened to sue) because they were wrecking her life by not letting her be the homecoming queen. The school relented, it was publicized, and the dumb kid lost.

In reality, the dumb kid lost before she even ran. With parents like that, she really had no chance from the moment she was born.

I know that #14 has a point, but the larger issue is letting your kid know and learn the consequences of their actions. Perhaps public humiliation isn’t the answer. But I’m glad to see that the parent has taken action as well. When I was growing up, ANYTHING the school did to me was irrelevant. What really mattered was what my folks would do – one hour of detention? Oh, I’ll spend it reading a book or something. BFD. But when my folks found out about it, I was royally screwed. Unless I had photographic evidence that the school screwed up and was wrong, they were going to take the school’s side on any issue, and even with evidence they would probably still take the school’s side just to be safe.

I have a 12 year-old daughter, and three more younger boys hot on her heels. I know it’s going to be a rough decade or so…

That kind of theatrical eccentricity is the polar opposite of good parenting. Bottom line is that the father (more adolescent than his son) was clearly humiliated by his child’s actions. Father and son are both acting out. The difference between the two is that the boy is 16 and the father has no excuse for his “tagging.”

OTH, would this kind of parenting have helped Son Tan? Maybe.

http://boingboing.net/son_tran.pdf

That said, as a social worker who works with teens, this is not the kind of consequence I would use. When possible I prefer to have the kid come up with what they think would be an appropriate way to resolve the situation. It usually results in them really considering what they have done, remembering the consequence for awhile, and refraining from repeating the offense while still feeling validated/trusted. And usually, they come up with something more severe than I would have. Obviously this isn’t an approach you can use if the kid won’t admit wrongdoing or accept the seriousness of what they’ve done, but often this works well for me.

If you think my comment is invalid because I don’t have kids of my own, well, your loss. Ignore what I’ve said and move on.

Everyone’s got their own opinion on parenting and short of them doing anything criminal (and actually being prosecuted for it) there isn’t anything anyone can do about another’s parenting.

Whether this was the correct way to deal with the situation is hard to say without knowing the real situation, the parent and the child. It’s very easy to pass judgement when you aren’t there or involved.

I could go into the various implications for each party, but I’ll save time: If this was done to me as a punishment, by anyone, at any time in my life, then that person had better watch their back. It just takes time and patience, sooner or later you will be in a position to really damage them (I speak from experience. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again). The child might be nothing like me, but maybe he is – you see how badly this kind of thing can end.

A girl I caught stealing pages from a magazine (cutting pictures for homework) and called her mother. The woman was screaming from the second she laid eyes on her daughter, berating her and screeching about jail and prison. The kid was terrified. I finally had enough and said “Ma’am, the magazine is 6 dollars, make it seven with the tattle tape and processing. No one was hurt, the damage was minor and your daughter has been very apologetic. Please stop yelling at her.”

Suddenly, she had a new person to yell at.

The punishment is great.

Parenting is a case-by-case issue, and while I am not fond of humiliation or spanking as punishment on a regular basis, I’d rather have a parent going towards the harsher end of the spectrum and making an impression than blaming the school or “society” as too many slacker-parents do.

Like Heinlen noted, the world is a cruel place that doesn’t allow second chances, and it’s a parent’s job to make sure that their children learn to follow laws before they leave the home.

It’s entirely possible that this parent had used gentler methods before, but the kid was too busy being a stubborn hormonal asshat (aka teenager) for those methods to make a change in his behavior.

And when you’re raising a black son in a city like Long Beach you have little room for misbehavior or error. Gang activity and a very watchful (and impatient) police presence make it a dangerous place for any youthful indiscretion. My black friends keep a watchful eye and a firm hand on their sons for good reason. The fact that this kid is enrolled in the classic high school charter program is a sign that his Dad is doing right by his son.

I had a few acquaintances do service hours when I was attending there. The kids who did service hours when I was there were irritated by the lost time, but it didn’t change their attitudes or actions.
This kid’s loss of free time doing service hours would be personally inconvenient, but since the school is virtually deserted during the holiday, and the school campus is built in a closed circle, his service hours would be unobserved by the community or his peers (the people that really count in the kid’s eyes).

This placard made him look like an idiot in front of his peers and made him experience concrete, in-person fallout of his actions.
And it might have been embarrassing, but his dad didn’t take a belt to him or black his eye, and it was clear that the parent was there with his son the entire time.
And better a placard and an irate dad than a edgy cop with an itchy trigger finger catching you tagging late at night.

He’s infinitely better off than the kid with the parents who essentially shrugged.

I’m guessing the father is a fan of Curb Your Enthusiasm. If you are, you know what I’m talking about.

Geektronica, you’re being snotty. You have no idea how many of the people you’re addressing are parents, and you can’t be sure the non-parents are giving bad advice.

I’m not sure I agree with you, Dave. Perhaps this is the best time to “humiliate” the kid, precisely because his entire “economy,” such as it is, is defined by popularity, face, and peer pressure. This is the most immediate way to impress upon the kid the painful consequences of his actions, and it is no more agonizing than making the dad cough up $875 for his son’s poor. Plus, as you note, at this age everything revolves around face and peer pressure, which means that every adolescent experiences shame and humiliation at some point, if not regularly; most do not grow into sociopaths or hopeless neurotics.

I also prefer “shame” to “humiliate” since the former concept still has some positive connotations.

The potential problems I can see with using this technique include doing it regularly, doing it with the wrong motivation (e.g., to pay him back for your own embarrassment.), or doing it without also communicating the continuing love and support of the parent. That’s why poster #8 (Themiddleroad) mentioned doing it “rarely, intelligently, and lovingly.”

The kid will eventually figure out – or be told – that no-one will remember his face in two years, and it will be ineffectual.

I am so ashamed. (Or is it humiliated?)

If that was my kid, I’d definitely have to take a look at the quality of his work before deciding whether or not to punish him.

HOWEVER, I learned from that. Property damage is awfully minor compared to people damage. Property damage can be paid back by really low-paying, crappy work. $3 an hour sounds about right.

As for what the parents ‘did’ to ‘make tagging acceptable’ … even great parents are sometimes rewarded with kids who do something stupid. Because, if you remember, you’re not always thinking at that age.

Nevertheless, for the most part, it is your job to do the best you can do with whatever resources you have. So this guy chose humiliation. Maybe he KNEW that this would work with his child. It certainly would not work with either of mine, and so I would not even try it. I can see circumstances when it might.

I firmly believe that effective parenting (Ucgh!!) begins at the earliest possible moment. A good few ‘pleases’and ‘thankyou’s,’ go an inestimable way to heading off the sort of thing I read constantly about regarding anti-social behavior in our teens.

(Then again I am from Britain… the place where we hate and demonize our poor kids. Why, I do not know)

Good job, dad. Seriously. “

“Why’d you kill your father, kid?”

“Remember that sign he made me wear?”

“Good point. Ok, let’im go, Murph. Case closed.”