200901231153

Burbia has photos of this sign someone put on their front porch. It says "Scientologists, Jehovah's Witnesses & our neighbor Jerry NOT WELCOME."

Read the fine print here.

  • brynnablue

    My favorite welcome mat:
    “We love our vacuum, we go to church, and we give at the office. Thank you.”
    (a friend’s parents’ house in Ft. Worth, Texas)

  • skramble

    Great use of appropriate typefaces. The choice of Rockwell font for the headline makes for excellent signage in this case.

  • AirPillo

    Jehovah’s Witnesses are almost always very pleasant, polite, and friendly when they come to your front door.

    I would have no problem talking with them at all. If they were always of that demeanor, I would go out of my way to speak to them often!

    However the problem is that when they’re at your door they are there for a very specific purpose and they will almost always exert pressure (of varying degrees, depending on the person) to attempt to get back to that specific subject, which makes it difficult to enjoy the conversation with an otherwise very pleasant person.

  • Jupiter12

    I actually like talking to Jehovah’s Witnesses; I find them to be very friendly. This guy Jerry doesn’t seem so nice though.

  • vespabelle

    My assistant is a “Witness for Jehovah” and she says if you take the literature, they will come back. Frankly, all the Witnesses that come to my house have been nice middle aged ladies who are very polite when I tell them I’m not interested.

    I have much more trouble getting guys from the PIRG off my porch.

    (even though I have a “no soliciting, canvassing, proselytizing” sign.)

  • Brainspore

    Whaddaya bet that asshole Jerry steals the sign?

  • Keeper of the Lantern

    Reminds me of my father: I once visited my folks house and noticed that the welcome mat was pulled inside. “Why did you pull in the welcome mat?” I asked.

    “’cause their not…” says my father.

  • Takuan

    PIRGs? That’s when YOU pretend to be a witness.

  • Kimrod

    Read the FIND print here?

    Do you mean the FINE print?

    Thank You…

    National Association of Professional Poofreaders Yo! (NAPPY)

  • Beanolini

    Similar themes are addressed at
    passiveaggressivenotes.com    .

  • Bonnie

    Where can I learn more about the cult of Our Neighbor Jerry?

  • Antinous / Moderator

    What do you bet that Jerry has a mullet?

  • Takuan
  • Superfluous Moniker

    I made the mistake of answering the door and actually talking to the Jehovah’s Witnesses once (told them being raised Catholic had turned me off organized religion), and I think they put me on a ‘sucker’ list because now every couple months I’ll get a visit. I’ve taken to looking through the blinds before I answer the door, and if it’s someone I don’t recognize in a suit and tie, I let them see that I’m home but ignoring them. Hopefully they’ll get the picture eventually.

  • Neon Tooth

    You took The Gleasson’s mailbox? Why?

    Haha,
    I bet Jerry parties *hard*!

  • atomix

    #28: I’m sure they’re not trying to bug you. If you’re not interested in what they’re saying, just tell them.

  • Takuan

    gonna make a welcome mat. Two foot prints painted in red on the porch. Cut a sqare an eight inch deep to look like a trap door seam. Let some hinge butts in to complete the illusion. Overhead, two massive timbers with spike-work ends obviously hinged to swing down together when released and MASH anyone caught between them. (make em outta styro and rubber latex foam,with the right paint they look real from an inch away). Door bell that plays the Indiana Jones theme.

  • Osprey101

    Sure, it sounds funny, but you don’t know that Jerry!

  • technogeek

    A friend of mine, for many years, has had a sign on his front door saying “No solicitation over age 16.” He’s willing to support local kids selling stuff, but any adult peddling either product or religion is advised to pedal away.

  • SimeonW

    At least the Mormons are still welcome.

    Do Scientologists even go door to door?

  • IamInnocent

    Fine prints cut both ways.

    One Saturday morning, a Jehovah’s guy knocked to my door and I sleepily opened, but just enough to give him the time to gargle some word before closing it back, a bit in his face, maybe, and going back to bed. He then wrote on my door frame, in pencil and in very fine print, the speech that he surely reserved to the irrevocably damned, complete with quotes from some Scriptures and stuff.

    I left it there and was never bothered again.
    No truer story was ever told.

  • sonny p fontaine

    TAK…sometimes i’d swear you’re an eleven year old super genius.

  • EH

    You could augment your fake-trapdoor welcome mat with a pressure sensor that triggers an audio file of someone racking a shotgun.

  • sirkowski

    NEVER talk to a Jehovah’s Witness. Anything you say, no matter how clever, will convince them they’ve got a chance with you.

  • kaelsleeps

    poor Jerry.

  • TheMadLibrarian

    Tak — what about a doormat: Beware of Ogre? You don’t have to specify if it’s bio or the battletank.

  • freshacconci

    Do Scientologists go door to door? For that matter, do Jehovah’s Witnesses still do this? I haven’t encountered Jehovah’s Witnesses at the door since I was a kid.

  • Takuan

    well, the eleven part is right.

  • Brainspore

    @ Technogeek #9: Not a bad policy, but I bet a lot of people just assumed your friend was a pedophile.

  • Takuan

    OK, OK two more ideas: #1: treadmill, you open the door and turn on a very obvious speed dial. First if barely rolls, giving them time to realize they are standing on a treadmill and take an involuntary step forward to keep their balance. And another. And another. You pleasantly ask them what they want – hand on dial. With each utterance from them you frown ever so slightly and very slowly increase the speed. See if they want to talk to enough to jog.

    #2. Smile! You’re on TV! Pop down cameras and lights from overhead and turn their visit into a reality TV show streamed real-time to JoHoCam ™. Have “releases” on clipboards ready for them to sign. A BIG,oddly phallic microphone you keep shoving in their faces. Maybe interrupt them for make-up.

  • Takuan

    they wouldn’t know what an ogre was. How about shimmering hoops of light that rise and descend a la “Metropolis”? Or a green laser scanner like “Aliens” mounted on a robotic arm?

  • MameDennis

    @freshacconci Oh, yes, the Witnesses are out in force. I really resent how they worm their way into my apartment building… I’m fairly certain that Jehovah is not down with the borderline B&E.

  • sonny p fontaine

    that’s how i read it, BRAINSPORE

  • Rezpect

    Priceless!

  • Sijay

    Well, sometimes drastic measures are necessary. I reached that point in early October:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/51035744398@N01/3221313442/

  • Bloodboiler

    I can understand not wanting Scientologists, Jehovah’s, Atheists, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Wiccas, people of specific skin tone etc. but what why not Jerry?

    What is it that makes only Jerry unacceptable, but all possible groups he might belong to acceptable?

  • Xeni Jardin

    Is this about the Grateful Dead?

  • Rob

    Yep, Jehovah’s Witnesses still go door to door. Even here in Japan. Because Jesus really wants them to.

  • AirPillo

    Takuan, I’m sure option one might cause some consternation from your insurance provider. Of course this is of little concern once you have the thing installed since you can use it on WHOEVER bothers to show up at your front door…

    (Here’s a fun idea: If your insurance company sends someone to your house and they get hurt… do they sue their own employer?)

  • sebastiano

    HA! Love that first comment on Burbia…

    “But Jerry needs those things to test his teeth: http://www.thatsnotfake.com/currently_investigating/ ”

  • Takuan

    my all time favourite: Invader Zim garden gnomes. I swear I WILL do this one day.

  • angusm

    I find the idea of door-knocking Scientologists pretty scary, and not just because it raises the possibility of being door-stepped by Tom and Katie. It’s more the “Hi, we’d like to talk to you about Xenu, a galactic tyrant who murdered billions of thetans using atomic bombs in volcanoes and spacecraft shaped exactly like DC-9′s, causing pernicious engrams that continue to plague humanity to this day and … oh, did we already mention the clams?”

  • FourFiveFire

    Scientologists are far sneakier than that–they don’t knock on your door, they just leaflet your house when you’re not looking. And they do it again when you throw the leaflets away. And again even after you tape the leaflets to your door with giant, muddy foot prints stomped all over them. THE BASTARDS NEVER GO AWAY.