HOWTO Launder precious heavy metal t-shirts

Scott Truemetalradio Maxwell's "Heavy Metal Laundry Tips" are not only convulsively funny, they also sound like pretty good damned advice for keeping your t-shirts fresh and none-more-black.

1) WOOLITE IST KRIEG. Your precious metal shirts are meant to be handwashed, so as to preserve the ink prints and the integrity of the fabric. Woolite is expensive, but it is an investment in your metal cred. In recent years, WOOLITE DARK has been introduced, formulated for dark clothes exclusively. USE IT! Immortal would endorse no less.

2) COLD WASH ONLY. Allow your clothes to soak in waters as cold as the rivers of Blashyrkh itself, without agitation. HAND WASH, or use the "hand washables" cycle on your washing machine. Your precious metal shirts get enough violent agitation when you're wearing them in the mosh pit.

Read on for additional wisdom, including the timeless advice, "AIR DRY ONLY. Dryers are false metal."

Heavy Metal Laundry Tips (via Making Light)

(Image: Derek (Cast the Stone), a Creative Commons Attribution photo from Lorri37's Flickr stream)

• [jonathan_v]

  i’ll echo the above sentiments — turn them inside out before laundering or drying

• [stupidjerk]

  Funny, but doing laundry is false metal. We must reek of gore.

• [mrstratford]

  I need to start doing this for all of my graphic T’s

• [Steaming Pile]

  So let me see if I get this. Rock T-shirts are to be kept pristine, if possible. That’s a new one. I always thought fading, holes, stains, etc., gave these shirts “character”. Silly me.

• [Zandr]

  Woolite is War?

• [ThreeFJeff]

  Zandr, the metal is not strong with you, is it?

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Metal_ist_Krieg

• [Jeff9821]

  Maybe you could wash the black t-shirts along with your Smittens?

• [dxtr666]

  I think anyone who cares about how new their shirt looks isn’t very metal, I would have said so to him but he gives the very weak caveat of “If you use the argument that it is not metal, well you haven’t had sex with girls!”. Poseur.

• [Guesstimate Jones]

  Awesome! But what I really need is some Heavy Metal skin-care tips…what kind of exfoliant does Lemmy use?

• [mdh]

  If you use a power dryer after the washing machine, remember to turn them inside out so the printing isn’t directly abused.

• [markfrei]

  Yes this seems funny but it’s all reasonable.

  I have punk shirts dating back to the late 70′s. The ones I let mom wash have all fallen to pieces and are no more. But the precious few that I loved enough to launder are well worn, but still look great – provided I can fit them on.

  Time will wear out your clothes all by itself. No reason to hurry this process…

• [semiotix]

  Woolite Dark is okay, but for maximum metal, you want the techno-industrial strength version, Därke Wöölyte .

• [MrScience]

  It’s not just for heavy metal shirts! I’ve been greatly concerned for my fading and battered Cardboard Tube Samurai t-shirt, or my rare “It’s just an algorithm“, or the vintage Slashdot Gladiators t-shirt.

• [Teapunk]

  I must admit imagining metal guys using Woolite black and handwashing their precious shirts is funny.

  Strange how some words from foreign languages completely change their meaning in certain contexts, “Krieg” in German is hardly a superlative for anything good, it’s just “war”, and what is that good for (sorry. not much of a metal person, me).

• [sonipitts]

  @STUPIDJERK

  *sniff* *sniff*

  Urmmm…that’s not gore.

• [dgtlmoon]

  Also theres the worlds biggest metal battle jacket and thrash tshirt gallery at http://tshirtslayer.com i’ve added my wares!

• [stygyan]

  My mother just gave away an almost pristine The Crow sweater (it looked really good for its age) that I bought when I was 14, and now i’m 27.

  Can’t say the same about the tees, really. They look faded, broken, and all that shit; and my boyfriend, being the magnificent queer he is, wouldn’t let me wear those anywhere but home.

  Sometimes I miss being single… nah, dear, it’s just a joke… don’t hurt me!

• [Kieran O’Neill]

  #13, #17: Power dryer? On printed t-shirts? o_O

  But yes, turning clothes inside out is a must. It also helps with fading.

• [Kieran O’Neill]

  Oh, and sadly Woolite Dark and its ilk disappeared off of shelves in the UK (and South Africa) around 4 or 5 years ago. Of course, in SA, shortly thereafter, Sta-soft came out with a dark fabric softener.

  Canada has Woolite Dark. :)

• [Kieran O’Neill]

  ‘course, for metallers, I’d wonder if there would be some merit in not washing the shirt for as long as possible, since most of the fading in darks comes from the wash itself (assuming you’re not wearing them in the sun a lot).

  I’d imagine there’d be a trade-off point between the negative effects of beer and sweat and the negative effects of detergents…

• [ScottyIstKrieg]

  Exfoliant: The guitar tone on any early Darkthrone is a more vicious abrasive than any pumice out there. Use with caution, or may not even have any skin left.

  “I think anyone who cares about how new their shirt looks isn’t very metal,”

  Oh? The true metalhead should care if his ’87 Coroner tour shirt becomes indistinguishable from his neighbor’s “Keep On Truckin’” shirt. With vintage t’s the domain of hipster irony, it’s never been more important to wear your badges proudly.

• [Daemon]

  Doesn’t your “metal cred” go up as the apparent newness of your clothing goes down?

• [Loony]

  I always thought Arm & Hammer would make a good metal name.

  I guess it’s A Farewell to OxiClean
  (I’m more a prog rock kind of guy)

• [tikal2k]

  Although these tips might not seem that relevant for brand new shirts, these are actually especially useful knowledge for maintaining the condition of that ultra rare vintage $350 tour shirt and keeping it from disintegrating as much as possible:

  http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-LED-ZEPPELIN-1979-TOUR-T-SHIRT-concert-tee-RARE_W0QQitemZ250359128029QQcmdZViewItemQQptZVintage_Unisex_T_Shirts?hash=item250359128029&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=66%3A2|65%3A3|39%3A1|240%3A1318