Wm. Shakespeare's Five and Twenty Random Things Abovt Me

Emily sez, "There is this meme traveling around Facebook where people write a list of 25 things about them. My friend Mike McPhaden took this list to a whole new level. He made a list called 'Wm. Shakespeare's Five and Twenty Random Things Abovt Me' written entirely in Old English with a modern twist and is fricken genius."
1 Sometimes I Feele so trapp’d by iambic pentameter... Does that make me a Freake?

2 I haue been Knowne to cry at Bear-baiting.

3 I am not uery ticklish. I am Not. So prithee, do not euen try. Waste. Of. Time.

4 I cannot keep Lice, and know not why.

5 Sometimes I thinke plays are all Talke, Talke Talke, and wish for a cart-chase scene. I tried one in The Merry Wives, but it looked like Shitte, so I cut it. The men playing the horses were so Pissed at me.

Wm. Shakespeare's Five and Twenty Random Things Abovt Me (Thanks, Emily!)