Ryanair's coin-op emergency masks and slides (joke)

B3ta user "The Coast Of Yemen" responds to the news that shitty discount airline Ryanair is contemplating in-flight pay toilets with a revised seatpocket safety card that lists the coin-op tariffs for emergency masks and slides.

Ryanair Card

Previously:

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

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Jasonclock

Hear hear, Earthmann.
Teller

I always pony up for the crash/no crash option.
tw15

There’s a 2007 comedy sketch on YouTube that has the same type of theme:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3so6AJe4UQ
Hamish Kuzminski

Whatever you might say about Ryanair and its chairman, Tony O’Reilly, the company is PR genius personified. They announce this frankly impossible-to-enforce suggestion of pay lavatories on their flights, (just think about it, folks) and the media just sucks it all up. Of course this is meat and potatoes to the tabloids, but where they really score is in the /public/ broadcasting arena.

I was listening to The Today Programme – the pre-eminent BBC morning news radio show – the day after this “news” was released. The interviewee (Communications Director, I think) glossed over the “pay-as-you-go” issue, and must have said “Ryanair provides the lowest air fares in Europe” at least a dozen time during the interview. FACT: you cannot pay for promotion like that – and shame on the BBC for falling for these Ryanair stunts [i][b]again and again[/b][/i]

Ignore them, and they will go away – but please don’t give them effectively priceless promotional opportunities like last week.

Kuzzer
bwcbwc

Passengers should start carrying bedpans on board Ryanair flights and just place them visibly on the tray table…

If you really want to cause concern, pour some apple juice in it about half-way through the flight, then ask the FA to please dispose of it for you.
bjacques

Better yet, complain to the flight attendant that you can’t find a place to get rid of it, then say “the hell with it” and drink it.

As if the flight crew don’t get enough trouble from passengers already.

But I’ve never understood staking a Â£1000 holiday to a Â£5 plane ride.

No wonder O’Reilly has contempt for his customers.
Anonymous

Ah. So that’s another one of them “lunatic bloggers”, I suppose.
Chris

Ryanair does NOT provide Â£5 plane rides. It costs almost Â£5 just for the Payment Handling Fee. Ryanair is NOT a cheap airline. Not any more.
lobsterfancy

I had to pay an automated machine in a train station in order for it to open the bathroom door. As soon as I did, other people appeared out of nowhere and shouldered past me to get inside.

It was baffling.
Anonymous

Why not take a #2 in the air sickness bag?
earthmann

@ Chris 5:00-

You’re right. Now the gimmick is 2 pound/ euro flights. After taxes and fees, a most European flights come to about 5o euro.

Cheaper than a train. Cheaper than petrol in your hybrid.

For the price of two lap dances, you wake up in Ibiza, Berlin, or Budapest.

A shitty business is one that does not meet expectations. Ryanair: spot on.
Cochituate

I think somebody who is _____ (fill in the blank) enough to fly on these planes should dump a lot of these fake cards into the seat pockets as they go down the aisle, and see how many RyanAir passengers get snookered into believing this little prank. That would be a hoot.
Anonymous

“Do not help others, they must pay for it themselves”

as in “don’t even give them one of your coins”? :P

They should also prohibit praying for the plane as a whole – the preferred text would be something like “Oh God, please, save my seat, but I don’t give a fuck, if the rest of it falls in the ocean”.

The commies who thinks otherwise should be punished.
mport

Why have toilets in the first place? People are usually soiling themselves from the ride well before they can make it down the aisle.
Lauren O

What a disingenuous comparison! It’s not like people who refrain from using the restroom when they have to can come to any bodily harm by it! On a completely unrelated note, I propose people who fly with RyanAir ten times without using the restroom win a Wii.
earthmann

Have you seen their prices?

They could make me pay to have them pee on my shoe, and I wouldn’t call them shitty. If you want to fly in style there are other options.