DIY sex machine injury

A woman in southern Maryland was airlifted to a hospital last weekend after being wounded by a saber saw with a sex toy attached to it. A consensual act led to the injury. The woman has since been released from the hospital. (If you're into this stuff, either as a participant or curious observer, you might also enjoy Timothy Archibald's photo book Sex Machines from Process Media.) From
 Images I 51Sygpvf6Pl. Sl500 Aa240 The man who called 911 about the incident admitted attaching the sex toy to the saw and then using the high-powered, homemade device on his partner, according to the St. Mary's County Sheriff's Office.

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to
"Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter"


  1. Why would they leave a blade inside it? I guess maybe they didn’t have the skills to fabricate a blank blade with no teeth, but seems like I’d want to at least sand off or file of the teeth on the blade before using it as they intended, just to make sure that there was no chance in hell of sawing through my partners genitalia!

  2. Oh yeah, you can totally hit me with that chainsaw – just make sure you wrap it in something.

  3. Jesus, we go from crazy dude who ate his own eyeball to suicide forest and now THIS? Lighten the fuck up, Boing Boing! Now I’ve got to head over to Cute Overload before that plastic fork on my desk ends up in my eye….



    These saws do have chocks that can mount things that aren’t blades if you’re inventive. Blades are sharp!

  5. OK I officially need to hear a heartwarming story about a heroic sysadmin who saved a kitten trapped inside an IBM Power 570 without having to IPL down all of her LPARs.

  6. Are we all talking about the same thing when we say “saber saw?” Cause I was thinking reciprocating saw, or “sawsall.” That would seem better suited to the use at hand than what I grew up knowing (not in THAT sense) as a saber saw.

  7. #20 posted by maoinhibitor:

    So there was this kitten trapped inside an IBM Power 570, right? And this sysadmin saved it–without having to IPL down all of her LPARs!

    Heartwarming and true.

  8. “Saber saw” usually refers to a tool much smaller than sawzall, that makes much weaker, shallower strokes.

    Some of the older, cheaper Saber saws don’t even have a rotary motor and are driven by vibratory motor resembling a big doorbell buzzer.

    You really would have to be genius to seriously maim your self with one.

  9. @ #1 BIG ED; It IS a cheap horror movie!
    @21 ELDAVE; I second your point.

    Nothing speaks of the inherent loneliness and separation from actual human intimacy, and the lack of imagination more than men “designing” and building power tools to fuck women.

  10. Am I the only one who finds this just too reminiscent of the “Will Forte Sex Tape” from Human Giant to take it seriously?

    Oh, I am?

  11. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!

    Why did they leave the blade on!?

    Wait… what was it about the kitten again? So, yeah, did the guy keep the cat?

  12. Ok, so then I came across this and this quite coincidentally today (no pun intended) in my avoidance of work.

    Ah. The Dremeldo.

  13. I tried something like that once, using a circular saw (Makita, to be specific) and 24 beef tongues.

    I didn’t really work all that well.

  14. I’m not “into” that stuff, but that book is great. A friend of mine had it laying around a few years ago and I read it cover-to-cover simply because it’s so intriguing.

  15. Hmm. That’s one incredibly stupid sex machine maker. I mean, what are the chances that a saw will be able to cut rubber?

  16. suffice it to say, if a comely, young Mesonychoteuthis offers you the Delight of the String of Pearls… say no.

  17. When you type “DIY sex machine” into Microsoft Word, “injury” automatically pops up as the next word.

  18. Ha!

    Anti, I love how on the ExtremeRestraints website, the videos all have a “click to learn” button. How informative :)

  19. Anyone else reminded of Top Secret?

    “We found him impaled on a large electrical device. It took us two hours to remove the smile from his face.”

  20. Was she that desperate for an orgasm, and he less than capable of delivering the needed stimulation, that they had to resort to the assistance of an indifferent machine to deliver the momentary bliss that they both desired?

  21. Oh My GOD! I just got an image…get it out…Dude, take the blade off! He must feel bad…drugs involved? I hope.

  22. Even if it is weaker than a Sawzall, Sawzalls cut metal easily. Being weaker than cutting metal is still pretty dangerous.

    Sounds like a bad idea from start to finish. I hope she recovers well.

  23. I suspect this experiment was inspired by Fucking Machines (NSFW!), but the important detail these people missed is that they custom fabricate their machines, even the ones that are adaptations of power tools. Needless to say, that includes removing the blades!

  24. ELDAVE2000 @ 21:

    I’ve never heard of a more direct Darwin effect.

    Normally, I just let Darwin abuse pass by me, but this one was just too silly to let go.

    So, let’s see:

    Stupid man injures woman’s reproductive abilities. Stupid uninjured man probably goes on to procreate for forty years. Even in the dickheaded Darwin Award version of Darwinism this makes no sense.

  25. #33,

    Yes, she did, and it was extrordinarily fortunate as the kitten suffered from a life threatening, but benign intestinal tumor.

    Considering the rescue to be the will of the cosmos, Karen spent a significant fraction of her last quarterly bonus on the necessary surgery.

    When the tumor was dissected, a 1 1/4 carat Burmese ruby was found at the very center. Surely the cat swallowed it earlier in his life.
    Karen now wears it proudly on a platinum nose ring.

  26. the wife and I saw this elsewhere and it only mentioned the woman involved.

    we both couldn’t for the life of us see how she would be dumb enough to take that chance.

    now next time I see the sig-oth I will point out to her it had a logical explanation.. there was a HUSBAND involved. meh

    men are the most careful when its their nuts on the line and even then they aren’t THAT careful.

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