Gentleman in New Orleans Loses Chunk of Arm in Possible Zombie Attack


65 Responses to “Gentleman in New Orleans Loses Chunk of Arm in Possible Zombie Attack”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You all should be ashamed! Its 2010 and still no zombie apocalypse,,, Be ashamed! Tisk* Tisk*

  2. error404 says:

    Quietly dons gore tex/kevlar all in one, gloves, boots and helmet. secures 22 carbine, titanium crow bar and machete, starts up 4×4 van full of provisions and heads for undisclosed location.

  3. UncommonSense says:

    What do we want? BRAINS!!
    When do we want them? BRAINS!!

  4. Ratdog says:


    Are you sure the name of the town isn’t Raccoon City?

    Where can I go to be updated on the guy who has been bitten?

  5. Zombie says:

    Really now, why do we always get such a bad rap? The zombie took one little nibble, just a taste really. Where’s the harm in that?

  6. Anonymous says:

    We’re serious foody’s here in New Orleans.

  7. KnowledgeisPower says:

    Get prepared, even without a firearm:

  8. Phikus says:

    Uncommonsense: If I had been taking a sip of my tasty beverage, and if I hadn’t been at work, you would owe me a new keyboard. ;D

  9. wrybread says:

    I was in New Orleans recently and heard a ton of zombie jokes from the locals. Lots of half jokes about “preparing for zombie attacks” and how they were stockpiling guns, and they were serious about that second part. Struck me as interesting given what they went through with Katrina.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I for one Welcome our Spicy Cajun Overlords.

  11. gabrielm says:

    “Metairie man says stranger chewed, swallowed after taking bite out of his arm.”

    Waste not, want not?

  12. Boba Fett Diop says:

    Oh God! This is it! I always knew it would happen eventually, but now that it’s really on there’s so much that I still need to do! I’ve barely stored enough fresh water, my swords are all at the sharpeners, and I have absolutely no idea where my kevlar gloves have got to! I knew I should have picked up a few extra boxes of double-ought buck last time I was at the Walmart. So much to do! So much to do!

    I’m not ready!

  13. opheliac9 says:

    Oh hell, I’m not ready either… that Facebook quiz said I’d surely die in a zombie attack!

  14. The Unusual Suspect says:

    FWIW, the article does state that the “zombie” was from Camp St., which is in New Orleans.

    Probably thought he’d have better luck finding people with brains out in the ‘burbs. (I kid.)

  15. Mindpowered says:

    Come now people, no need to get worked up,this is Louisiana.

    There is a wee bit of precedent for this kind of behaviour.

    Why down in Plaquemines Parish this barely rates an eyebrow raise.

    If this was Delaware or Minnesota I’d be concerned.

  16. Cupcake Faerie says:

    I’m going to New Orleans at the end of this month ( Jazz Festival, ya know). What special precautions should I take to avoid or fend off zombies, if I should see any?
    Will I know if I am being attacked by a zombie? If I do know that I am being attacked by a zombie, but i don’t have any special anti-zombie equipment on me at the time, what recourse do I have?

    signed Concerned

  17. Anonymous says:

    good thing my whole family has tons of weapons like swords bats guns ect.

  18. Mindpowered says:

    “Seriously though, the guy probably drank some of that Angel’s Trumpet tea. Remember a fews years back, when a bunch of teenagers in Destrehan drank that stuff. One of them chewed up (mangled it) his own arm because he halucinated that it was a roast beef sandwich. ”

    Where can this tea be purchased?

  19. Anonymous says:

    I submit that this is most likely a voodoo zombie. What is really needed here is a little salt, a little gris-gris, and a good old fashioned mambo hunt.

  20. The Unusual Suspect says:

    Angel’s Trumpet is a poisonous flowering plant:

  21. demidan says:

    Only in New Orleans, rude out of town zombies chewing on the locals…

  22. DefMech says:

    It’s so incredibly fitting that this happened in New Orleans. No more appropriate place in the country.

  23. Chocolatey Shatner says:

    Just watch this instructional video. God bless Leslie Hall!

  24. Satan Ate My Ears says:

    Hmmm… Possible Class 1 outbreak?

  25. fistula spume says:

    Zombie Jesus is coming and his army is amassing.

  26. CharlieCoats says:

    oh god, who knows how long it will take to reach new york…. ill have to get ready.

  27. UncommonSense says:

    Phikus: I could have said the same after reading your first reply. lolz

  28. Anonymous says:

    its so obvious how have you guys not thought about it it wasnt a zombie persay it was a person he met and they did some INSANE bondage haha sex hmmm

  29. Purly says:

    See this is why meth is bad.

    I am wondering what happened to the stranger!

  30. Anonymous says:

    There are suspicious elements, such as the attacker having previously been treated for a wound – but strangulation requires more motor skill than a zombie has.

  31. Bill Albertson says: for true zombpocalypse preparedness!

  32. Anonymous says:

    Silly people, getting your hopes up when everybody knows real zombies don’t choke. It’s probably just one of them voodoo undead from Haiti.

  33. cynicaldrunk says:

    “When there’s no more room Hell, the dead shall walk the earth.”

    *racks AK-47*

    Let’s get it on, motherfuckers!

  34. Ratdog says:

    Here is a great zombie-related link, Entitled: Diary of the Living Dead or: Are You There God? It’s Me. Also, a Bunch of Zombies

    And my favorite part:[SPOILER]
    “look: the zombies aren’t going away. This survivor thing is gonna last, maximum, one or two months. And then it’s starvation or suicide or becoming a zombie. So here’s what I’m gonna do: I’m gonna drink the rest of this gin, and then I’m gonna outside and get bit, and then me and the zombies, we’re just gonna chill. We’re gonna wait. Sooner or later, they’re gonna come outside. Or we’ll get inside. After that, we’ll go storm a church or something. I dunno. We’ve got time.”

  35. Takuan says:

    we really should have a standing zombie thread. All zombies, all the time.

  36. nanuq says:

    It’s a pretty stupid zombie to begin with considering it went for his arm and not his brain.

  37. Shelby Davis says:

    A zombie thread, Tak? I’m thinking a whole ‘nother channel: BBZ.

  38. Phikus says:

    Everything you need to know is in this book.

  39. Mathleticism says:

    Can anyone tell me why the focus has been removed from this Lancellotti guy? Don’t you people know he will be the next to turn(that is, if he hasn’t already), and it will be up to him to do the leg(and arm)work of expanding this legion of flesh-eaters. My regards to his wife, but he has to be stopped before he acquires this yearning for flesh as well.

  40. Phikus says:

    Mr. Lancellotti has surely turned by now. Why is it that the authorities never take this sort of thing seriously / know what they are dealing with until it is too late? Aim for the head, folks! Aim. For. The. Head!!!

  41. Thebes says:

    Its amazing that there are still zombie deniers in the world. This is what happens when you have zombie denial.

  42. phillamb168 says:

    Did you guys see this part?

    “Bonnie Lancellotti also has concerns about the suspect, who apparently had been treated at East Jefferson General Hospital earlier in the day for a finger injury. Vargas was released 45 minutes before the attack, according to the incident report.”

    …He’s not patient zero.

  43. Phikus says:

    Too bad there is an ammo shortage going on. Machetes anyone?

  44. Daemon says:

    Oh, like zombies are the only things that eat people.

  45. Anonymous says:

    Let’s see…Shotgun? Check. Extra ammo? Check. Crowbar? Check. A group of friends that know how to defend themselves against the infected?…..damn it!

  46. UncommonSense says:

    Forty-four comments and nobody has had the courtesy to welcome them?

    I, for one, welcome our new zombie overlords, etc., etc.


  47. Scuba SM says:

    You know what I don’t hate? I don’t hate vests.

  48. Anonymous says:

    The plot thickens:

    Suspect gave wrong address: A story in Tuesday’s editions about Mario Vargas, who was arrested Saturday after being accused of taking a bite out of a Metairie man’s arm, listed Vargas’ address as 724 Camp St., New Orleans, according to a Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office arrest report. An official from St. Patrick’s Church, located at the address, said Vargas does not live there and has no ties to the church.

  49. iamanumlaut says:

    No zombies just LSU on spring break.

  50. acipolone says:

    #4 – Not New Orleans. Metairie. Next town over. Different parish. Close enough, though the difference is huge.

    #30 – Baseball bat, steel-toed boots, face mask. Now that you’re prepared to deal with the other tourists, on to the zombies …

  51. Takuan says:

    The Zombie Reporting Center, excellent!

  52. acipolone says:

    #4 – My apologies. You were misinformed — Xeni seems to have gotten wrong city in the title.

    Metairie != New Orleans

    Maybe “Gentleman in town next to New Orleans …”?

  53. hobartimus says:

    Zombie’s eat brain. Not arm.

  54. Dave says:

    Typical, blame the zombie minority

  55. Ratdog says:

    So many people laughed at me when I said I was preparing for a zombie outbreak. But they won’t be laughing when they are trying to get into my infected-free zone.

    And what will be the secret to my success?

    “This… is my… BOOMSTICK”

    Hmm… note to self: chainsaw for arm would work…

    On another note:
    I’m thinking me, CYNICALDRUNK, and BOBA FETT DIOP should team up. Strength in numbers baby.

  56. Mosh says:


    I just dropped a masonry’s worth of brix. D:

  57. zandar says:

    Twilight fans

  58. takeshi says:

    @ hobartimus:

    Apparently you’ve never seen the original Dawn of the Dead. Zombies eat whatever they damn well please, whatever’s in front of them usually, as long as it’s fleshy and gooey and leaks blood.

    Even at only a quarter inch deep, 3 by 1 and a half inches is a pretty severe wound. Any more than that, and the assailant might’ve been charged with arm robbery. Hyuck, hyuck.

  59. Ratdog says:

    The House of the Dead actually looks as bad as Against the Dark. Which is hard.

  60. Anonymous says:

    Metairie:New Orleans::Jersey:NYC

  61. Phikus says:


    Don’t you mean: “I for one welcome our… arghhhhhtght… BRAINS BRAINS!”

  62. The Unusual Suspect says:

    “…listed Vargas’ address as 724 Camp St., New Orleans, according to a Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office arrest report. An official from St. Patrick’s Church, located at the address, said Vargas does not live there…”

    Did they check the sepulchre out back?

Leave a Reply