Evil Somali Pirates Attacked by Thousands of Dolphins (caveat: possibly totally bogus)


54 Responses to “Evil Somali Pirates Attacked by Thousands of Dolphins (caveat: possibly totally bogus)”

  1. PS says:

    @#4 @#27

    They’re just paying back their buddy, the world’s tallest man.

  2. ovirto says:

    ok, maybe this did happen, but I don’t think they did it on porpoise.

  3. eustace says:


  4. jr416 says:

    The Chinese heard that the US was using Seals to fight the pirates so they came up with a story that they were being protested by dolphins?

  5. Anonymous says:

    Straight from China’s Ministry of Truth.

  6. Takuan says:

    how about that sniper execution huh? Do they have motion compensating sights they aren’t telling us about?

  7. V says:

    but did they have lasers attached to their heads?

  8. Brainspore says:

    Takuan: you should see WIRED’s Danger Room Blog entry on that subject.

    Two words: smart bullets.

  9. Felton says:

    Lucky for the pirates China didn’t break out the flying piranha.

  10. Takuan says:

    oh goody, next there’ll be flying drone ‘bots with smart bullet rifles. I’m pretty suspicious about those pirate killed. I don’t care how good they are, three perfect shots in those conditions? There’s either hidden tech or the report isn’t mentioning the three hundred other rounds that missed.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Of Note: Thousands of dolphins pointedly refuse to protect Japanese merchant ships…

  12. barnaby says:

    “The pirates could only lament their littleness befor the vast number of dolphins.”

    Hmmm…now there’s a subtle metaphor. Written by xinhuanet, did you say?

  13. Felton says:

    Takuan: Eew! I’ll take my chances with the piranha.

  14. Takuan says:

    ah, been to Northern Ontario I see.

  15. DreadJester says:

    Straight out of Red Alert 3………. Did the dolphins use their anti-ship sonic disruptors?? lol

  16. frogmarch says:


    if you’re still reading this thread:


    “The bobbing of the lifeboat would have been a factor, but snipers regularly shoot at moving targets from moving vehicles. (Advanced Navy SEAL training includes target practice from helicopters.)”

  17. Brainspore says:

    Great, now Aquaman is working with the Chinese.

  18. Xander Crews says:

    May be totally bogus…?

  19. Takuan says:

    “The pirates could only lament their littleness befor the vast number of dolphins.”

    I suppose a super-pod of dolphins may have swam by. Of course they would just dive under any ship crossing them.

    Been paying attention to what China is doing in Africa these days?

  20. nck wntrhltr says:

    Also, rainbows shot out of their nether regions and it rained rice candy.

  21. DelicateFlower says:

    Huge pods of dolphins in fact may suddenly erupt around a boat. I have witnessed this myself off the coast of Southern California. It’s absolutely spectacular. They appear in a matter of seconds, hang around for a while, then disappear in a matter of seconds. I suspect these dolphins (if real) were more interested in riding the wake waves of the ship than acting as a de facto marine security force.

  22. dainel says:

    If you ask me, the dolphins were actually protecting the little pirate boats from the escorts. Those little pirate boats would be out-gunned by the smallest navy ship.

  23. barnaby says:

    Pods are attracted to boat convoys often because of the small fish their propellers stir up and disorient. It’s an easy feeding frenzy.

    Yes, there were sweet sonic attack dolphins in Red Alert 3, but they worked for the US. Damn defectors!!!

  24. Snig says:

    An American story in the same vein would have featured Bat Boy.

  25. Anonymous says:

    NEXT: Somali Pirates employ swimming battle-ready kodiak bears in pirate operations to fend off increased dolphin threat.

  26. airship says:

    Too awesome to be fake.

  27. igpajo says:

    It’s the top secret US Navy crack squad of elite pirate hunting dolphins.

  28. Andy Nonymous says:

    whaddaya mean bogus? it is well-known that china has a battalion of long dolphins for precisely this sort of operation.

  29. Anonymous says:

    Don’t forget that for the Chinese, signs from heaven indicate whether those in charge are doing a good job or not. One of the worries of the Sichuan earthquake was that people would take it as a sign that their leaders were no longer in favor. Tying to show that dolphins were protecting Chinese ships would show that heaven favors them.

  30. Shane says:

    I always suspected that Dolphins were scheming in support of global warming.

  31. Anonymous says:

    Wait, didnt it say the Chinese fleet was there as well? So.. the dolphins provide better protection than chinese soldiers?

  32. Takuan says:

    that sounds plausible Frog, only 100 feet makes a difference.

  33. Anonymous says:

    are these the same somali pirates that have been attacked since mid-90′s by medical waste ships dumping off the coast, or the large fish trawlers(sp?) depleting the local food source?

  34. number11 says:

    Let’s see. The dolphins got between the pirates and the ship. In this picture we see the ship in the background, and the dolphins between it and the camera. So the Xinhuanet photog is one of the pirates? Or one of the dolphins?

  35. Jerril says:

    This is right up there with the Army Of Bears Attacks Russian Platinum Mine headline that I saw last year.

    If I tried either of these with the players in my RPG group, they’d laugh me right out of the room.

  36. Anonymous says:

    One might question the use of the term “Evil Somali pirates” upon listening to Mohamed Abshir Waldo’s interview on today’s DemocracyNow.org … who is really evil here?

  37. wizardofplum says:

    Takuan.You’re about 3500 miles off base.Piranahs are indigenous to South America principally the Amazon and tributaries.Up here in “The Other Eden” we have the Northern pike or Garfish,both have impressive dentures but not the ferocity of the piranah.

  38. Jazzhigh says:

    So, not many druids in your RPG group then? ;)
    (puts on nerd gamer hat)

  39. Takuan says:

    Ontario blackflies make pikes laughable. Quit trying to cover up, we are on to you.

  40. Lobster says:

    Yeah, like there are thousands of dolphins left in Chinese waters.

    You’d think if the dolphins were going to pick sides they’d be for the guys who disrupt the steady stream of noisy, polluting ships steaming through their homes.

  41. Patrick Dodds says:

    I, for one, welcome…. ah never mind.

  42. Jerril says:

    @20: Druids? No, we’ve got mostly Athiests, and a Salvation Army Christian. :D

    More seriously, if I told them that a DRUID sent an army of bears to attack the platinum mine, they’d be perfectly happy. Having an army of bears on the platinum mine’s random encounter table on the other hand…

  43. benher says:

    @2 Certainly, because we all know that the Chinese, Americans, Norse, are such righteous stalwart protectors of our ocean friends.

    It wasn’t a funny joke 10 seasons ago on the Simpsons either.

  44. oasisob1 says:

    This photo and story looks propagandashopped.

  45. Takuan says:

    lost us there Ben

  46. Modusoperandi says:

    Frogmarch: what they don’t tell you is that the moving targets are in the moving vehicle with the sniper. It’s the worst roadtrip ever.

  47. GeekMan says:

    @OASISOB1 – I’m adding that word to my personal dictionary.

  48. Pam Rosengren says:

    Awesome, but possibly making light of something nastier than you think.

    There is a possibility that the ‘evil’ Somali pirates are retaliating for the practice of foreign ships dumping toxic waste off its failed-state lawless shores, and cleaning out oil tanks there. This is killing the marine life, and endangering the livelihoods of many Somalis.

    This is one of many references to what I am talking about http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article418665.ece

  49. Anonymous says:

    Why would the dolphins help the country that drove their cousins, the Yangtze River Dolphins, to extinction? Maybe they were blackmailed. “Protect our ships or you are next!”

  50. Anonymous says:

    And then the Chinese fishing boat captured all of the dolphins and ate them on the spot. The end.

  51. Thundarr the Barbarian says:


    shame on the topic dumpers, and shame on the pirates for kidnapping innocent folks and holding them for million dollar ransom.

    unfortunately for them, when they chose to stick guns in people’s faces and demand money to not kill them, the forfeit any righteousness they ever had. imo, they forfeit their lives.

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