Xeni, I Think We're Going to Need a Bigger Unicorn

Maggie Koerth-Baker is a guest blogger on Boing Boing. A freelance science and health journalist, Maggie lives in Minneapolis, brain dumps on Twitter, and writes quite often for mental_floss magazine.

I am so sorry.

I ran across this image while searching for something to illustrate that last post and just can't not share it.

Again. My apologies. Rest assured, I'm going to have nightmares tonight, too. We're all in this together.

So that? Is a hairless chimpanzee. According to RedEyedRex, the Flickr user who took the picture, it lives at the Mysore Zoo in India. Its hobbies (presumably) include eating various fruits and making humans feel deeply uncomfortable.

Maggie Koerth-Baker is the science editor at BoingBoing.net. She writes a monthly column for The New York Times Magazine and is the author of Before the Lights Go Out, a book about electricity, infrastructure, and the future of energy. You can find Maggie on Twitter and Facebook.

Maggie goes places and talks to people. Find out where she'll be speaking next.

MORE: Funny • guestblog • ZOMGWEREALLGONNADIERUNHIDE

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orangeorangutan

There’s nothing nightmarish or discomforting about that picture. The only feeling it inspires in me is compassion. He looks sad, like he needs a hug.

But then again… note my username.
Anonymous

@#18 The disease is alopecia areata, which â€œis a highly unpredictable, autoimmune skin disease resulting in the loss of hair on the scalp and elsewhere on the body. This common but very challenging and capricious disease affects approximately 1.7 percent of the human population overall, including more than 4.7 million people in the United States aloneâ€ according to the National Alopecia Areata Foundation.
kaelsleeps

he’s creepy-beautiful, and I love the unicorn chaser.
Teller

On the contrary, it’s great to see the musculature.
sanity

Meh. It’s nothing we all don’t see during out weekly chimp shaving sessions.
fltndboat

#48 & #2. Yep. as has been amply documented we be the naked ape that figured out how to kill fur bearing animals to keep warm. That was what was wrong with the intro to the movie 2001. The apes that were learning to bash with clubs had fur. We are still using the same basic brain operating system. That is why I love the Boing Boing blog. On other Blogs the lurkers have emotional problems. Here the intellect is waiting to pounce. Much more fun. And healthier I may add.
samuelk

That picture is one application of clown makeup away from the perfect nightmare fuel.
LaurenM

Anyone who doubts evolution needs to see this photo.
Antinous / Moderator

I wonder if he’d like a kitty.
Anonymous

I don’t know what anyone can find nightmare-inducing about this. I just find it poignant and sad, but also quite lovely in that it’s such a striking reminder of how close we and these animals are to each other.

Hairless cats, on the other hand, are creepy. This is not creepy.
Flitere

“ZOMYWEREALLGONNADIERUNHIDE” is, like, the best tag ever.
Brainspore

Great, another ape with less body hair than me.
Anonymous

The St. Louis Zoo had a hairless chimpanzee that recently passed away. She was a very popular attraction at the zoo. Here’s some video of her. http://www.zannimals.com/node/75
Maggie Koerth-Baker

Teller,

I know what you’re saying. After I got over the initial retina searing, my next thought was, “Wow, that chimp’s got some guns!”
fataltourist

Anyone who believes in a god needs to see this photo.
wizardofplum

#10 fatal tourist.In A god you say-is that as “In
God We Trust” as memorialized in Mammons specie?or
perhaps a lesser god Janus revered by Washingtons
political supplicants.The picture is quite poignant,disturbing even.Apparently simians suffer
from alopecia.I’ve seen the cousins of that dejected creature sleeping over subway grates
Rejection is not exclusive to Homo Sapiens.
#22 Doug Rogers -Alopecia is not confined to man
but in this case the condition is genetic in
nature think hairless chihuahua.
#30 Starcadia-That guy is a gal.The external mass
of tissue she is sitting on is the pudendum.
#39 Anonymous-You have witnessed and were moved
-good-Albinos also suffer from rejection too.What you see is the misery of rejection,isolation for
being different. At least you had a scintilla of
sympathy.May the wind be always at your back.
Anonymous

A coworker was wondering if we can get the chimp some clothes? A nice pants suit, something warm.
Spencer Cross

Reminds me of Oliver, the “humanzee:”

http://www.rense.com/general67/oliver.htm
redsquares

Think how humans look to every other animal.
Yeah.

Makes me think about what we find attractive.

I wonder what chimp aesthetics (at a human intelligence level) would look like…
Anonymous

This chimp most likely has alopecia universalis. Our St. Louis Zoo just lost a beloved chimp that had this condition. She, unfortunately, also had an enlarged heart in addition to this skin condition.

If you can’t handle this photo, then try this one:

http://shelleypowers.burningbird.net/reflections/rip-thinker

You’re a science writer? I have to ask: what kind of science? Astrology? Because I don’t know of any true scientist who would this chimp to be anything but fascinating.
Anonymous

Yes. /deeply uncomfortable/. Right. What exactly is uncomfortable about an illustration that we are closely related to chimps. Hyperbolate in the search for profundity much?

On the contrary I’m relieved. I first thought this was an old man with elephantitis or something. Then I realized “oh alright, it’s supposed to look like that. Mostly.”
Ghede

All I can think is that he needs some moisturizer. The idea has led to a train of thought that contains nothing but horrors of varying degrees.
error404

Whoop-de-doo.

A fur less primate.

LOOK IN A MIRROR
Lord Xenu

Smeagol?
A New Challenger

@#2 Sainty:

You’re breaking rules 1 and 2.
techbuzz

Meet Cinder, the hairless chimpanzee from the Saint Louis zoo:

http://gentlewoodcottage.wordpress.com/2008/11/11/the-zoo-cinder-the-hairless-chimp/
Nelson.C

WizardofPlum, I’m not familiar with chimp anatomy, but I think I see male genitalia in the larger version of the picture.
merindab

Eh, there’s one of those in the st louis zoo. A girl chimp…. who i just learned via google died this year. Video:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/2440427/cinder_the_naked_chimp/
Mister Moofoo

Not nightmares. Kinda cute, actually. It’s only the mouth that is scary.
wizardofplum

#49 Anonymous-Alopecia was my first reaction but
consider the genetic structure of other hairless
species.The Sphynx and Peterbald cats,Khala and
chihuahua dogs.At the other end of the spectrum we
have excessive hirsuity as in Hypertrichosis or
Werewolf Syndrome.The errant chromosome for this
condition is carried by the female.That hapless
primate is her own victim, Paradox?
godfathersoul

sameulk:
i really could not help myself…

http://www.tenthousandvisions.com/images/hairlessmkb0416.jpg
dougrogers

Any explanations for the hairlessness? Disease? Inherited disorder?
fltndboat

#51. I’ve seen the cousins sleeping over subway grates. The thought occurred to me that I was looking at very intelligent people making the most of a really bad moment in their lives. I used my money to invest in-the moment and slept over the same grate. How about you??
minTphresh

looks like methamphetamine addiction.
dougrogers

… cause I think rather than discovering fire, we likely invented hats.
Robert

On a more personal note, Maggie, you are the quirkiest, funniest, and most interesting guest-BBer in a while. I hope you can come back after your stint is done and share more hilarity with us!
Telecustard

#33 posted by FreakCitySF, April 16, 2009 4:24 PM

Breed with hairless female chimp, breed with human volunteers, could start a new species!

Eponysterical, the degree thereof depending on whether SF stands for Science Fiction, or San Francisco.

But “volunteers”? Really? I hope there’s no one at home looking at this photo and thinking “I’d hit that!” unless it’s Charley, the anchor from News From Zoos.

Or, Mr. Smith, if you’re American.

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/photopost/showphoto.php/photo/43323

(Seriously, what was it about the “monkey” shows back in the ’80s? And what was William Overgard’s role in all of this?)
Brainspore

@ error404 #13:

I looked, but I didn’t see one.
Nezrite

@paprnackin: This is how Dick Bacon would have looked by now.

@ everyone else: It’s a Milwaukee thing, but suddenly “Dick Bacon” makes me blush.
chris_s

I fully expect to see this thing on an episode of Fringe now.
Sekino

It doesn’t have 30 legs, so it’s all good.

Oh, wait: Actually, it looks a bit too much like my great uncle o_O
paprnackin

The bonobos I have seen in various zoos, mainly the Milwaukee County Zoo, always seem less hairy than their chimpanzee counterparts. Their expressions and gestures are shockingly human.
Anonymous

what a miserable life this poor animal seems to lead.

Sad that so many find more humor than empathy in this photo.
Mr_Voodoo

Kinda looks like Ed Asner on a bender. Not too disturbing, though.

@#18 Thanks for linking to Cinder. Cute story.

Maggie, thanks for some cool posts.
starcadia

Poor guy. The hair of chimpanzees stands up straight during displays of aggression, which helps with intimidation and ultimately with one’s spot in the society’s hierarchy.
Daemon

Ok. Hairless chimp. Waiting for the reason we’re supposed to need a unicorn chaser.

Of course, unicorn chasers usually bug me more than the things they follow.
monitorhead

shoot i was in Mysore 4 years ago. Didn’t know they had a zoo.

Just kids looking for handouts and vendors who won’t surrender until you reach your car/taxi/rickshaw.
pinehead

My first thought was that he looks like a little old naked guy in need of a coat or a blanket. His skin’s a bit dry, too. Maybe some lotion would help that.

Imagine a guy trying to put lotion on a screaming, flailing chimpanzee.

That would be one hell of a zoo exhibit.
wizardofplum

#53 By golly I think you may be right.It didn’t
occur to me to zoom in-to add to the misery, a
hermaphrodite yet-thanks for you observation.If it is a male that poor creature has a spectactular
case of hemorrhoids.I will investigate.
IamInnocent

He looks purple. My hopes that we would all become chocolate in the future may need to be revised.
FreakCitySF

Breed with hairless female chimp, breed with human volunteers, could start a new species!
audaxaxon

… perhaps even more interesting than the post itself is the range of reactions in these comments.

I’m curious about what presuppositions are stirred up in this.

@11 anonymous : fer realz, this guy makes a great case for why clothes got invented (he looks chilly!).

…also brings to mind Desmond Morris’ (author of The Naked Ape ) intriguing thesis that the reason that Homo Sap left it’s historically hairy nature in the evolutionary dust, (which he points out seems contraindicated from a pure individual survival perspective). Morris claims it’s because hairlessness favored the pro-reproductive path of rapid evolutionary acceleration that brought the species to its present state.
wizardofplum

#51 FLTNDBOAT Is your intellect pouncing now?If
so humor me and frame your question in a less
ambiguous manner.If you are asking do I wear a hair shirt to better understand the predicament of a less fortunate fellow being? the answer is NO,do you?
Felix Mitchell

http://img106.imageshack.us/img106/4976/happychimp.jpg

this chimp w/ clown makeup as requested
Anonymous

would anyone really have needed to ask what that was?
Anonymous

I used to go see the hairless chimp at the St. Louis Zoo when I was a kid. She really freaked me out; I always thought she looked like a super-ripped old man.
Anonymous

I took this photo of a hairless macaque who roams the rooftops of Varanasi in India – he’s a social outcast among the moneky tribe. As close to gargoyle as you get in real life.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/arulbaskaran/7838944/in/set-195824/
GTMoogle

Put a check in the “completely fails to understand why this would freak anyone out” column for me.

The ease of commenters to supply info on other hairless non-human primates is interesting, I wasn’t aware of the phenomena before.
nck wntrhltr

“Laser hair removal for summer!”
KurtMac

@28 paprnackin: My guess was going to be a Bonobo as well. While technically part of the Chimpanzee family, Bonobos usually have less hair than the “Common” Chimp, more frequently walk upright in the wild and have a society largely based on sex. Sex is used as a general greeting, a means of conflict resolution and just a plain ol’ good time, and can occur be between Bonobos of the opposite or same sex. Sounds familiar.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo
13tales

We need a new tag “Maggie’s Nightmare Fuel (TM) – Premium Reserve” :P

Keep it up :D
Stefan Jones

If we do get unicorn chaser, please make sure it isn’t a furless unicorn. That would be a really nasty trick.
Anonymous

I visited the Mysore zoo back in 2005, and what this picture doesn’t demonstrate is the strong sense of harried fear and anxiety that this chimp gives off. The other chimps were relaxing and staying cool in the 100+ degree heat, but this one was fidgeting and scampering around. The hairlessness was a little shocking at first, but it was the manic behavior that gave the experience an unsettling impact.
Anonymous

Warren Ellis posts things 10 times worse on a daily basis… and I suspect his idea of a unicorn chaser would be served on a plate. Possibly in a glass.
Anonymous

You must scare easily for something this awesome to give you nightmares.
Anonymous

Ripped. Totally. I wouldn’t pick a fight with him, or any other chimp.
Anonymous

It is quite beautiful.
Anonymous

Why do we still have zoos as a entertaining option?
whisper dog

To be honest, the only thing discomforting about that image for me is the startling resemblance to my grandfather. Shirtless, bald, big ears, sunburnt. The only thing missing is the cigarette.

I am fascinated with the skin color. This is something I would not have guessed. I haven’t had a lot of close proximity with chimps so I don’t know if this is evident in normally-haired variants.
Doran

I think the old dude looks nifty. It doesn’t look like he’s having such a fun time in that zoo though. And that makes me sad.
ill lich

Sadness.
Takuan

remedy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5-ZKMUpNl8
Ernunnos

That’s better than a unicorn. The similarities are made all the more astounding by the differences. We don’t inhabit some plane above the animals, we’re part of the whole thing. That’s awesome. Thanks for the reminder.
stegodon

–Everybody’s got something to hide, ‘cept for me and bald monkey–
blueelm

Awww, he’s cute. I’m sad he’s in a zoo though, then again I don’t know how much of a chance a hairless chimp would have. His skin is such a strange color? Can a chimp’s skin tan? I’ve never wondered that before.
Anonymous

I nominate “Xeni, I think we’re going to need a bigger unicorn” for Catchphrase of the Year for 2009.
Modusoperandi

Dunno what the fuss is about. It just looks like “Nekkid” Grampa Charlie. “When you’re my age…” he used to say “…you won’t have the time nor the inclination fer clothin’.”
bruno boutot

Empathy.
Camillo Miller

Ok, now look this, and think what if you saw this one before the aforeposted picture.
http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/6681/hairlessman.jpg
Gilbert Wham

Dad?
Anonymous

hairless monkeys look like living gargoyles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATG_OFJlx2k
Avram / Moderator

It’s like an organic version of the Uncanny Valley. He’s disturbing because he’s so close to being human — but not quite there.
dsac86

@41 – how many animals do you think are happy being in a zoo? It’s not exactly a great place to spend your life.
Anonymous

I recognized that chimp immediately from Mysore. Here’s the shot I took when I was there:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/zimmix/1429120821/sizes/l/

Very human looking.
Anonymous

@#2 – You are my hero. ROFL