Hat for hitting people


The Sap Cap is a "self-defense" hat with a lump of heavy metal sewn into it so you can doff your hat to your assailant and then drive his nose into his brainpan. Remember, though: any hat you don't know how to use belongs to your opponent. Also, the commenters on the sell-page say it makes a crummy hat.

Sap Cap (via OhGizmo)

27

  1. If it’s heavy enough to be a useful weapon, it doesn’t sound like it’d be very comfortable to wear.

  2. That will nicely complement my Samurai-Style Sinew-Slicing Suspenders, my Butterfly [knife] Bowtie, my Ballistic Bomb Blasting Belt, my Nerve Gas Necklace, my Grenade-Throwing Glasses, my Multi-directional Machine Gunning Macintosh, my Flame-Throwing Footie Pajamas, my, um, Kninja Knickers… I’d better stop now.

  3. Hat seems a bit goofy, but what a nifty store.

    Stun guns that look like cell phones, shackles, swords, knives, CO2 pistols, lock picks, “fantasy decor” (the most fun is therein)

    I get a Dwight Schrute -slash- Diedrich Bader in Napoleon Dynamite vibe.

  4. @dwdyer:

    You’re right! This catalog is amazing fun to browse through. It’s not just any lock-picks, knives, etc–they’ve got a really full range.

    Such as the metal-free fiberglass composite knife, recommended for air travel.

    Or the complete set of automobile skeleton keys, which is amusing mostly for the euphemistic product description “Never get locked out of your vehicle again!” (as though it’s easier to carry a full set of these lock pick keys than it is to carry a single spare). If they had more chutzpa, they’d say “Never get locked out of someone else’s vehicle again!”

    Or the holstered metal spikes, which are useful for “for throwing or other emergency covert operations.” I can’t imagine throwing these with any accuracy at all, and my imagination is further confounded and delighted at what these other operations might be!

    My favorite is the lipstick stun gun, because I have such a difficult time imagining how this would be successfully used in a real defense situation. How would the social engineering go? “Oh no, a rapist! Well, I promise I won’t put up a fight, if only you’ll first let me put on this lipstick. On you. Yeah, I’ve got this thing about rapists with ugly lips. I knew you’d understand. ZAP!”

  5. I don’t know if this is still true, but in junior high the first thing that you’d do to someone you wanted to fight with is knock their hat off.

  6. When lightning strike, it can be the best electrical conductor you ever have. Toast your brain a little.

  7. For some reason I am reminded of the mods and rockers scene in 50s / 60s UK, football hooligans, skinheads etc. The art of ‘self’ defence including things like:

    1. Razor blades stitched into the peak of a cap.

    2. Fish-hooks sewn behind lapels. (someone tries to grab you to ‘nut’ you one and they end up having problems)

    3. Razor blades stitched into toe-caps of shoes/boots.

    He who lives by the sword…

    We truly are an advanced species…

  8. It’s the perfect accessory for the mall ninjas…

    I give it 1 more month of swine flue before they have the “sap mask” so you bludgeon people with the same thing that you can fool yourself into thinking you’re protecting yourself from h1n1 with… woohoo

  9. Hats off to this idea!
    That is to say, a “tip of the hat”, to the designers!

  10. Never underestimate the power of a little bit of weight at high speed. I was at a party once where an inflatable beer bottle was one of the decorations. During a friendly argument I was bonked on the head with it.

    When I came to they showed me the crescent shaped indentation my skull had left in the vacuum packed sandbag in the bottom of the bottle. That poor guy still apologizes to me every time we meet. :)

  11. Instead a lump of super heavy metal, how about hiding a hard hat in the cap. It would be actually useful (well, kind of). And if you really want to assault anyone, you could headbutt them.

    1. Instead a lump of super heavy metal, how about hiding a hard hat in the cap.

      Hardhats work by suspending the actual hat over your head while you wear a plastic strappy contraption. Head-butting someone would just bounce and do less damage than your naked head.

  12. I’ve always found a searing and intense pain when I bump my head while wearing a cap, and that steel button on top embeds itself in the soft part of my skull. Apparently, there’s a nerve right there that when struck, is the cranial version of getting Rochambeaud.

    So even without 20 pounds of steel lining, any hat is still a crippling weapon if you get hit in the right spot.

  13. #19 – such are commonly available and worn with hacking jackets – for riding that is – not to be confused with propeller beanies for computer hacking.

    ” drive his nose into his brainpan” a very old joke and a misconception – as even the briefest of glances at a skull will show there isn’t any hard tissue to the nose to drive anyplace – literary conventions to the contrary – it’s also a classic device sometimes used to obscure real techniques while moving the story – people are squeamish about eye gouging say and it spoils the mood for the good guys when killing doesn’t – Kill Bill perhaps excepted where it is used for effect I suppose.

  14. I prefer a nice pickel-hauben, like Kaiser Bill always used to wear. Much more stylish!

  15. “Hardhats work by suspended the actual hat over your head while you wear a plastic strappy contraption. Head-butting someone would just bounce and do less damage than your naked head.”

    That’s why spearing is so favored in American football.

Comments are closed.