Toilet snake bites man's penis

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36 Responses to “Toilet snake bites man's penis”

  1. The Lizardman says:

    This story will be sufficent to horribly traumatize and terrorize all of the snake fearing people I know

  2. Coriander says:

    Actually, from my experience with rural Taiwan, I’d say there’s a 50-50 chance this guy was using a squat toilet. You see both types.

    And #28, careful with your “this being China”. Dem’s fightin’ words to most Taiwanese people.

  3. Jenonymous says:

    Win to Tharklord on this one. :D

  4. Evil Jim says:

    All I can think of is that infamous line from Snakes on a Plane: “F##K snake! Get off my dick!”

  5. O_M says:

    …The good news is that the man’s penis is still attached. The bad news is that he now can pee on the guys standing next to him without having to turn either left or right.

  6. nosehat says:

    I see that most of the “toilet snake” jokes have already been made, so GOOD JORB to the posters.

    Strangely enough, I catalog this story under “good news”. In the great fight of Humans VS The Rest Of The Planet, it looks like Earth still has some tricks up the sleeve.

  7. Anonymous says:

    I’ve had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this monday-to-friday penis.

  8. V says:

    ToiletSnake – the new LOLCat?

  9. Teller says:

    Note: “As soon as he sat down…” Only when required.

  10. kerryvaughan says:

    Makes me think of this classic video…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRPWcj9-fiM

    Also, #24: LLLLL OOOOOO LLLLLL.

  11. Clemoh says:

    I understand this is a portent of Good Luck in Asia.

  12. Noah Lieske says:

    I’m calling it “bogus”. Noah Lieske

  13. SilverBack says:

    Oh dear. That is just horrifying. First the story about spiders that can come back to life after we drown them and flush them down the toilet…but now toilet snakes?! Hehehehe…toilet snakes. ^_^

  14. Anonymous says:

    I have been told about toilet snakes in the past and I use to think its a myth but what I saw last night is so hard to explain coz i am still terrified with what I saw. The size of that snake. How in the world did it get it self in the toilet?

  15. frankieboy says:

    Snake? Fugedaboutit, that’s nothin’. In New York we got alligators! Fuckin’ alligators I’m tellin’ ya. Take a chunk outa your ass you’re not quick. Snake? Puhleeze. Make a strap outa that little fuck to go on my suitcase. You know what that’s made outa don’t ya? That’s right, you got it.

  16. jahknow says:

    What’s next? “Man Bites Toilet Snake?”

  17. Big Ed Dunkel says:

    My mortal enemy is the rat snake.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Whip that out she said she never seen snakes on a plane!

  19. Anonymous says:

    Ill take a gator over a snake in my toilet anyday.

  20. nutbastard says:

    “When he looked down, he saw the big snake. Also, there was a reptile dangling from his crotch.”

  21. Mister Eppy says:

    I once saw a unicorn chaser with a rat snake skewered on its horn, chomping on a NYC toilet gator.

  22. Church says:

    “Minor injuries?”

    There are no “minor” injuries to your snake-bitten penis!

  23. cinemajay says:

    Good luck toilet training your young ones now!

  24. Ray Maruwa says:

    Could the Angel Lap Pillow have done anything to prevent this?

  25. Anonymous says:

    Fortunately Samuel L Jackson heard screaming and arrived just in time to taser the actual snake, freeing the trouser snake.

  26. Bobdotcom says:

    Bartender, give me a double scotch, neat, and a Unicorn chaser.

  27. buddy66 says:

    Answers the question why we don’t sit to pee.

  28. Dewi Morgan says:

    “Minor” injuries: best insult added to injury I’ve seen :)

  29. IWood says:

    i can has testikuls?

  30. Brainspore says:

    And to think I actually mocked that scene from “Snakes on a Plane.”

  31. Tenn says:

    I heard about something like this on the radio once when I was little, it having happened in Texas evidently, and thus learned to pee standing up. My mother tried to convince me that it only happened in places with outhouses/plumbing inferior to ours and that only boys can pee standing up.

    I am proud to have proved her wrong on the second point. Seriously though- I used to have toilet-snake nightmares! But all is well, because I am now a superwoman.

  32. TharkLord says:

    Sounds more like the “I need to come up with a story that explains to my wife why I have bite marks on my penis” conundrum.

  33. Anonymous says:

    @teller, this being china, it’s reasonable to assume that the guy was squatting, rather than sitting. they use a design more hazardous in this way, so to say, you see :)

  34. Marshall says:

    Now that I am aware that this can actually happen, I’m going all diaper, all the time. It’s the only way to be sure…

  35. dainel says:

    The report says he sat down. Why do we insist that it’s wrong, and he actually squatted?

    I think that if he *had* actually used a squat toilet, he wouldn’t have been bitten. The snake is down there getting a nice cool drink, and suddenly, it’s escape route is blocked by this man’s backside. If I was the snake, I’ll bite him too.

    OTOH, if it was a squat toilet, there would have been a large gap. The snake would have quietly escaped without him realizing it was there at all. Who knows how often this has happens. As squat toilets gets replaced with seating ones all over Asia, we can expect more snake bites. And hemorrhoids.

  36. lilbacon3 says:

    I have had a fear of a snake coming up the toilet since I was just a lad. How terrible.

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