By Mark Frauenfelder at 2:48 pm Tue, May 19, 2009
Sweet, they don’t seem to have anything against swimming in the nude. I also notice that ejaculate is conspicuously absent from the list of banned bodily fluids.
Beats the usual
“WILL PATRONS KINDLY REFRAIN FORM…”
and other such delights which is found on the signs at UK public swimming pools of not so long ago.
Expectorating is a new one on me, thanks Marks :)
“Swim Diapers”? I had no idea such a thing existed. How does that work?
I don’t find these rules odd at all. I’ve seen numerous hotel pool rules posted that look just like this list.
Not that interesting to me. I’m more interested in the fact that apparently a list of rules like this comes as a surprise to Mark.
Thanks. I’ll just sit out and tan.
This could be one line.
OOL RULE: There is no P in OOL.
Someone should cross of the single word “thong”.
It would change the meaning of the whole sign. =D
I was a lifeguard in highschool and had to dive (always in the deep end!) to the bottom of the pool to grab poop on several occasions…while i get the blunt language of this sign it would probably only have encouraged poopers to make my minimum wage hell even worse.
what good’s a pool without some baby ruth huh?
bather: “…but everyone does it!”
lifeguard: “Not from the diving board!”
I’m not stupid, but I didn’t know what expectorating meant (spitting). Is this work common usage in the US?
Many condos have such rules and the most important thing to remember is liability issues — are we even surprised when some moron decides to sue for a million $ because there was no warning?
Here are some reasons:
1. limit of 29 may be because a crowded pool means a drowning person may go unnoticed. In Iraq quite a few kids in crowded public pools have drowned.
2. no running because slipping on wet surfaces may cause injury.
3. Broken glass causes injury and this rule reduced chances of that. Glass items are banned at quite a few concerts I have attended in the SF bay area.
4,5. obvious health concerns. Dunno what a swim diaper is.
6. Showering is a common request. Not sure why.
don’t dream it, be it
Me @ 3 “ Marks”
Sorry Mark, just the one of you. You can’t both have posted this :)
You know, it’s all about that whole cryptosporidian thing aka babies poopin’ in the pool. That’s why you don’t drink the water. My whole town got sick with cyrpto a couple of summers ago and there was a move to ban babies outright from public pools.
expectorating – Yeah, it’s pretty common – especially here in the deep south where I live -except we say spectratin.
Past tense: done spectrated
Future tense: fixin to spectrate
This seems like a significant update on the old sign. Much, much more emphasis on poo avoidance and poo-hole-flashing avoidance. The showering before entering thing is weird. Getting in the pool is considered a valid bathing option here in Palm Springs.
Ive seen this exact list at tons of pools..
Ah public pools. Every summer, every single pool in SLC gets closed for a month cause some little kid gets the crypto and we have an outbreak. That wondrous event, brought on by kiddies with diarrhea in the pool, reminds me that I don’t enjoy splashing in shared fluids.
I’ve seen swim diapers for little kids. Don’t know if Depends or someone else makes them for adults.
But yeah, I also don’t really see what’s odd about this list. Perhaps that they had to make sure that people know that you can’t take a crap in the pool, but you can never be too careful, now can you?
@Elisd – Swim diapers for kids are usually thin versions of regular diapers, but without the swelling that occurs as they fill. Often they are colorful pullups.
When immersed they pretty much just hold in the solids. They replace the rubber diaper covers of the past. Don’t think they are more efficient at keeping the pee in.
There are several threads on the Depends forum site about adult swim diapers. Again, the product is more focused on the solids.
What other possible way could someone lack voluntary control of excretory functions, besides being incontinent or lacking toilet training?
Let he who finds these rules risible, be the one to fish a broken glass out of it. You pretty much have to empty the pool, and even then you have to go on a glass hunt, and will probably miss some anyway. Joy of joys.
The pool may be nice
but I can’t sing my song,
If I can’t sling my thing in my thong.
I don’t see what the big deal is, other than the American aberration of writing “to shit” in a way that is too complicated for 60% of Americans to understand.
The rules are to prevent people from injuring themselves, or pollute the pool. I don’t really know what the issue with thongs is, but I guess they’ve just seen too many people who really shouldn’t wear them.
So, why is this on BoingBoing again?
@apoxia: As a northener, the only two places I’ve seen the word used are in this post and in the “Gaston” song in Beauty and the Beast (I’m especially good at exPECtorating).
Singular: Y’all spectratin’?
Plural: All y’all spectratin’?
Look at most containers of multi-symptom cold remedies. Most of them contain an expectorant.
Am I the only one who sees humor in this? Yes, it’s a common list of rules… yes, these signs are at many pools… yes, these are all good rules for a pool….
but, I mean… c’mon… it’s funny… anytime someone feels the need to explain that shitting in the pool is bad form, and then uses overly technical language… ah, fuck it… if you don’t have a sense of humor already, it can’t be helped…
Ooh, pedantry time: I don’t know anyone who has control over sweat, an excretory function.
Expulsion of carbon dioxide, etc from the lungs also counts, right? I can’t remember.
flukes? do flukes count?
@ZAN: This Yankee hasn’t heard much of this word either.
@MNEPTOK: I know I’m not particularly qualified to comment myself due to the high latitude of my upbringing, but several Southerners have informed me that “all y’all” is redundant and otherwise poor grammar, except in certain parts of Texas. Let’s see if I can fire up the ol’ grammar gland and take a crack at this:
Singular second-person accusatory present progressive: “Is you spectratin’?
Plural second-person accusatory present progressive: “Is y’all spectratin’?
Either way, I agree with this set of rules in principle, however, I would change the wording to make it more clear.
Signed, The Mgt.
Thanks for the expectoration explanation :) Our pool signs in NZ are much simpler. Just no running, no bombs, no diving mostly. Nothing about peeing and pooing. We are a much less litigious society and I suspect a judge would laugh someone out of court if they tried to sue because there was not an official no pooing rule.
Regarding the showering rule. My local pool instituted this rule a few years back. This was because the fecal count was higher than they wanted (it’s always nice to see the “Fecal count” folder neatly stowed behind the front desk). I don’t see how standing under a shower for five seconds in your bathing suit will reduce the fecal count unless they also institute a compulsory supervised bottom washing requirement.
Pretty ordinary. My favorite pool signs were in Canada: “Bather shall take shower before entering the pool” and “No person shall pollute the water in the swimming pool in any manner and that spitting, spouting of water and blowing the nose in the pool or on the deck are prohibited”
You think we aren’t laughing?
I hereby place the curse of a thousand fleas mating in the armpit of anyone saying anything similar to, “So, why is this on BoingBoing?” Starting… …Now!
I was expectorating funnier comments on this post.
@ #43 Bionicrat2:
Well, spit a few out yourself then!
So, no shitting in the pool?
I was a pool lifegaurd for several years in High School & College (late 80’s).
The showering rule is to remove sun tan lotion / oil / hair goop so a “sheen” does not develop on the surface of the pool water.
These are all pretty standard pool rules, but the wording of the “incontinent” rule is amusing.
Showering prior to entering a pool is intended to wash the majority of the dirt/sweat/grime off your body. Your body is dirtier than you think and it’s much better to wash it off in the shower and down a drain than wash it off in a communal pool.
Those are all pretty common, save the one about thongs. In fact, all but the last 2 are part of Ontario’s rules for pool operation.
how about a no tampon rule?
@18 There were many a summer growing up in Texas where I never showered, explaining to my parents that I had gone in the pool that day. For some reason my parents seemed okay with this logic. Though I didn’t die and it didn’t make me sick, so maybe they were right in not arguing the point.
Other than the last two, I can say I’ve violated everyone one of these. Six down, two to go!
Your own filth is rarely toxic to you.
Variation on a classic:
_ _ _ L REGULATIONS: Notice there is no POO in _ _ _ L. Let’s keep it that way.
Please don’t say that you base that on personal research.
i believe my pool says “if you wear a diaper you are just not allowed in the pool”
i also live in a retirement community, if that means anything.
i gotta recheck that sign when i go down there!
You know, these rules are actually necessary. I worked at a YMCA for 3 years. Parents don’t realize they can’t put a kid in the pool who hasn’t been potty-trained (or wearing a swim diaper – that’s what that’s for). We had swimmers poop in the jacuzzi — a jacuzzi limited to people over 8 years old. Every summer, the pool was closed at least once a week for 5 hours after someone pooped in the pool.
We, the lifeguards, couldn’t figure out why we actually had to tell people not to poop in the pool.
I’m an anthropologist: I was thinking I should start a research project on why people think it’s ok to poop in a pool.
it was WEIRD.
The text of rule 1 bothers me. Why underline the 29? Why use a # instead of “number”? Why abbreviate “Maximum” to “Max” (and not even use a period to show you know you did?) It’s not like there was a lack of space.
@ #28 –
Singular – y’all
Plural – All y’all
Plural possessive – All y’all’s.
Take it from a native Texan, these are all proper
and accepted grammar. All y’all Yankees will never truly understand.
What about the Jac-eeeeeeew-zzi? (NSFW)
#14: These people are as naive as Brad and Janet!
Well played, good sir!
The shower thing is also there because there is a really horrific raging staph epidemic in America. The health department can’t even clear it out of hospitals but you can bully the pools into adding one rule no-one will understand.
MRSA is everywhere.
Grimc – imeant as opposed to other peoples. I’m sorry you thought what you thought. My bad.
how did they get the number 29 :) is there like a sq. ft. rule for pools or something?
“Only a fool, would swim in a public pool.”
In NYC, where I teach swimming lessons, all these rules are required by the Board of Health, which oversees all the swimming pools. They also save wear and tear on filters, which is good for the environment.
Swim diapers are super absorbent diapers for little kids that are waterproof on the outside. They are often sold as “swimmies” or “swimmers” in the diaper aisle.
@Dimmer/#58: The reason the number is underlined is because it’s a standard sign, you can purchase it and then add the numbers yourself (or have them added) based on the size of your pool.
i lifeguard and all these rules are quite normal, believe me, i’m seen it all.
@50 Trust me, you want tampons to be worn in the pool, to prevent that which tampons absorb from being in the water.
I just want to say thanks to all the tourist.
As a commercial pool guy in Las Vegas I created my own sign to warn about “Marco Polo’s Revenge”
#51 Anon, if everyone used the pool as a bathtub, you wouldn’t want to. The water would smell like sewage.
Proper usage of “y’all” varies by region. In Central Florida where I grew up, “y’all” was properly plural, not singular. But “all y’all” was not improper; it was an intensive phrase (as in, “each and every one of you”).
It was also proper practice to put up lamely humorous pool signs (e.g. “Welcome to our OOL – notice there’s no P in it; let’s keep it that way!”).
Thankfully I live close to a completely clean and clear stream and don’t have to worry about such obvious rules when I go swim. That is not to say that I even consider breaking any of them, though sometimes the skinny dip is known to happen. Can’t say that goes for the fish though but what are you going to do about that? Well, I have to go drop the kids off at the pool before I go to the stream.
Swim diapers are (supposedly) waterproof diapers that allow babies into the pool. I have no idea how they can be completely waterproof. Due to controlling mommies, somehow infants have more rights than larger kids or adults who will get sick from their feces. :-(
“thankfully I live close to a completely clean and clear stream”
Clear doesn’t mean clean. Farm runoff has made most streams, lakes, and waterways somewhat to very tained. High density farming is the norm, and those massive mounts of manure have to go somewhere. Much is spread in fields. Every time it rains, it carries little bits of E Coli and other pathogens into waterways. If you want to see scary, google “pfisteria Chesapeake Bay” to see horrible lesions and massive fish kills in streams due to Delaware high-density chicken farms. Yuck! Nothing is safe anymore.
Hey, there is an error on the pool hours. The a.m. is missing a period. It reads “POOL HOURS 9:00 A.M TO 11:00 P.M.” It also looks like there is extra space between the ‘M’ and ‘TO’ as if they intended to print a period.
Fornication is perfectly acceptable, unless you can’t hold your pee.
What Mark doesn’t realize is 5 out of the 8 listed rules are requirements of the State of Florida Board of Health. The others are no doubt in response to specific problems they’ve had with their residents acting out in some way.
@1 – vomiting’s also free and clear! Sounds like this is shaping up to be a GREAT swim party!
As fans of the rock band POOL like to say: POOL RULES!
Hey folks I found the Gulf Terrace website that brought you this POOL RULES sign. Here is a link to the condo ruls:
They write: “12. NOISE: ALL GUESTS MUST REFRAIN FROM ANY ACTIVITY THAT WOULD DISTURB OTHER RESIDENTS…IF YOU ARE DISTRUBED (sic), PLEASE CALL THE SHERIFF’S OFFICE”
So disturbed people are welcome at this condo but they have to check in with the local sheriff.
But if nobody is crapping or tinkling in the pool water, WHY can’t I drink it?
Oh. . . maybe that counts as theft (hehehe. . . how they gonna know if I have me a little sip?)
But anyway. . . if you don’t want people to drink it maybe you should ALLOW people to piss and crap in it.
yri @ #69: Proper usage of “y’all” varies by region. In Central Florida where I grew up, “y’all” was properly plural, not singular. But “all y’all” was not improper; it was an intensive phrase (as in, “each and every one of you”).
From what I’ve read (I think it was on Suzette Haden Elgin’s LJ), “y’all” is plural, and “all y’all” is plural of plural. (That’s not the right term for it, I know.)
Basically, “y’all” is used to address a group of people, and “all y’all” is used to address multiple groups. So you might say “You in the yellow shirts, y’all go to room A; blue shirts, y’all go to room B; green shirts, y’all go to room C. And remember, all y’all need to walk in the hallway, not run.”
These are from an old folks compound. Trust me. We called them “the Golden Ninja” when I would visit, and they would fly out of nowhere to name an infraction. My particular crime against humanity — wearing cut-off shorts into the pool. I pleaded my case that my shorts while “cut-off” had been hemmed. No avail.
What I love is that Ya’ll serves as a direct translation of the plural, familiar “Ihr” in German.
Oh, and Hooray for all lifeguards; sorry you have to put up with so much of the public’s sh*t, figuratively and literally.
There’s nothing wrong with this list. I’ve you’ve ever lived in a condo complex with a pool, each one is understandable.
Max # of bathers: if a complex has 60 units, and 2 people from each unit show up, try to fit 120 people in a pool.
No running and horseplay: falling face first on concrete sucks, and when it happens, people sue, and the lawsuit costs are displaced by owners and condo rates go up.
No glass: Glass breaks on concrete. People cut their feet and get injured. Again, some will sue.
No urinating, feces: I’ve seen people shit in pools and people will empty their kids diapers directly into the pool. When this happens, the pool needs to drained, which means people can’t use the pool for X number of days and the cost of draining and cleaning must be absorbed by condo owners.
Swim diapers: this is a product for sale at any store that sells diapers. Babies shit all the time and their feces ends up in the pools (time to drain the pool again). Shit is not cute.
Showering: people are dirty animals. If they spend all day trotting around malls or if they’re in the greasy ocean, and then hop in the pool their filth is transferred to the pool.
Thongs: who wants to see a 65 year old fat man’s whale-eye winking at you from behind a thong string?
No drinking pool water: funny.
Chances are the town or state also has health laws regarding pools, and they have to post these rules, which map back to the laws. That said all these rules make sense, and aren’t weird or uncommon.
We have 55 units with four pools and four spas. You live in hell.
This swimming pool in Suntec City, Singapore includes:
“No religious gathering / activities”
Are the people that live in this place so stupid that they need to be told not to take a dump in the pool?
As a lifeguard I know all these rules must be posted. People do take dumps in the pool or blow their noses into their hands and let it wash away in the water. Non-pool diapers soak up water and thus do nothing to protect the child of the other swimmers. If you don’t shower the small amount of sweat etc. on your skin clouds up the water and makes it murky. Run and you slip and fall and crack your head open and I have to save you.
And don’t drink the water…it has chemicals in it that keep it clean and you don’t want to be injesting those.
None of the rules above are silly or strange. All pools state them because it’s under health regulations to do so.
So much for getting a minyan to daven maariv in that pool
@76 “Clear doesn’t mean clean.”
While that may be true in your neck of the woods that doesn’t mean that every part of the world has been contaminated with farm filth, yet. Trust me it IS an issue in general but not where I’m sitting. Plus that is why I put “clean” before “clear”. I still wouldn’t drink it though, just paranoid I guess.
Isn’t sweating an excretory function? I haven’t yet found someone who could exercise control over their sweating.
if you want to swim in this clean pool
Some people here have characterized swim diapers as “superabsorbent” and “waterproof”, and in fact they’re neither. On the contrary, in fact.
You can’t vacuum-seal a diaper. If a baby (or incontinent adult for that matter) is in the water, water will seep in through the legs and waist. Regular diapers quickly get saturated. Disposable diapers swell up, quite a startling amount, as was vividly illustrated one day when my then 2.5-year-old son decided to get into the pool at our friends’ house while still wearing one–the thing looked almost as big as him when we took it off him; it must have been displacing at least a gallon.
So swim diapers are specifically designed not to absorb pool water, or urine either; both liquids flow in and out freely. But they do keep the fecal matter contained. No doubt a certain amount of contamination still gets out, but (one hopes) it’s a small enough amount that it can be quickly taken care of by the chlorine, bromine, ozone, UV, or other water treatment in use. Shit happens, as they say.
I share the previous poster’s puzzlement about how someone can lack voluntary control of excretory functions without being incontinent. Perhaps some people are willing to cop to one but not the other–people can be weird about using the proper words for embarrassing things. (In a similar vein, adult diapers almost never have the word “diapers” anywhere on the packaging.)
haha holy shit….these are the condos where we stayed while on vacation in florida when I was a kid.
fun fun times.
I am in a wheelchair and have to wear Depends. Ive never seen an adult disposable swim diaper and if you get in the pool with Depends on you end up wearing a pillow between your legs. I just find something similar to Goodnights (usually the generic because the name brand swells to much) without tapes that will stay together while im swimming. That way i dont have to change in and out of a diaper and i stay dry until i get in the pool. It prevents potential problems in the pool too. Its never happend but i want to be ready just in case.
Thats what i do. I dont see what the big deal is about wearing a diaper in the pool as long as its only used as a precaution, it stays clean and its not going to fall apart when it gets wet. Ive probly only been swimming 2-3 times ever without a diaper of some kind. Its sooo much easier than trying to change in and out of them at the pool. I found that like you said, if you dont mind paying for a second product to swim in, SleepPants, SleepWells and the Rite-aid brand of disposable training pants stay together good and dont get too thick. If there aren’t going to be alot of people around i still prefer Depends though because thats what ive worn since i was 12-13 before they came out with disposable traing pants. I might try wearing the disposable training pants full time so i wouldnt have to buy 2 seperate products.
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