I plan to bake him a pie, then drive out to East Stroudsburg and ask VERY NICELY if he’ll give us his blessing.

# If there is a dinosaur in the painting, there had better be something awesomely dinosaur-y in your picture. Not a stuffed animal, or your cat. Unless your cat is six feet tall and has a wicked gleam in its eye. We will be judging on creativity, ingenuity, and attitude.

# No photoshopping. No shooping whatsoever. We have shooped the whoop many times, and we will be able to tell.

Sooooo, option one has a GIANT, option three has a DINOSAUR. No Photoshopping but if the original has a giant or dinosaur then the submitted version must also. That kind of narrows down the range of options to just #2… unless someone here has a source of giants or dinosaurs?

Two words: BALLOON. ANIMALS. (!!!)

Hell, those are the EASY parts. Where does the kind of guy who would want to take these photos find a bunch of bikini models willing to pose?

Oh, right. Money…

I mean, it’s great that it’s a business card made from meat, but I’m pretty sure that I could make my own for cheaper than the price of this “re-enactment”.

I’m going to go with #3, as aside from the dinosaur, it looks easiest, and requires the fewest extras (I have very few friends that I could convince to dress in loincloths for 1/15th of a meat business card).

Expenses:
One (1) Rubber Dino – say, $200, conservatively.
One (1) Sledgehammer: $0 (in my shed)
Two (2) Loincloths: $0 (Old boxers)
One (1) Knife: $0 (Kitchen)
One (1) Expensive piece of jewelery that it would take to convince my wife to let me post a picture of her bare-assed and topless on the internet, just to get a sad-ass meat business card: $2000

So, $2200.

Alternately, I think I could get pretty close with some beef jerky and a woodburning kit. So as much as I’d like to see my wife in the above situation — suck it, internet.

It seems the suggestion is that you should put time, effort, and money into creating a decent photo.

If the prize was worth something – in other words, if it wasn’t $1 worth of beef jerky with some stuff laser engraved onto it (I find it hard to believe this is a difficult or expensive process, assuming you already had the machine), then I expect you’d get some entries.

As it stands I will be genuinely surprised if you get a decent entry, if you get any entries at all!

Why not just sell the meat cards, for a reasonable price? If you care more about the contest than making money, then you have to make doing the contest worthwhile.

Yeah, OK, I can see that.

…but I love to shoop!

For the record, the above link is broken, but the contest results can be found here:

http://www.meatcards.com/pages/alpha-tester-challenge

“Judging is gender-agnostic. That’s a man in the bikini holding the knife? Fine! We will judge based on whether he’s successfully achieving the Fierce Frazetta Stance.”

And:

“Pictures do not need to be work-safe, fully clothed, partially clothed, tasteful, appropriate, or attractive.”

No, you don’t need really hot scantily clad women in your photo to win.

Well, if you just threw up in your mouth, and you’re a vegetarian, don’t you already have your broccoli chaser?

People aren’t doing it for the prize; they’re doing it because it’s fun.