India plans reform school for monkeys


30 Responses to “India plans reform school for monkeys”

  1. Takuan says:

    have they thought about getting some chimps?

  2. Takuan says:

    social engineering is the answer: start a rumour that there is huge profit to be made in selling monkey parts to the Chinese traditional medicine market. The monkeys will just… disappear.

  3. nanuq says:

    Sure, blame the monkey when it’s society that’s to blame for creating this problem. Where was the social agencies when the monkeys were being recruited into a life of crime in the first place?

  4. Takuan says:

    will evolution sort this out?

  5. buddy66 says:

    Sure, chimps will kill and eat them! Don’t get bonobos though, they’ll just fuck them.

  6. Takuan says:

    death by monkey snoo snoo?

  7. 54N71460 says:

    finally, a school suitable for my neighbor’s kids!

  8. Anonymous says:

    Guys, I think that’s enough jokes and puns.

    Quit monkeying around and post meaningful commentary from this point forth.

  9. Anonymous says:

    School for monkeys??? If the Indian govt has so much money for a reform school for them, why not one for the corrupt officials too???

  10. Gilbert Wham says:

    +1 for just, you know, shooting them.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Why doesn’t someone just spank the monkeys?

  12. TarlSS says:

    The villagers can’t just carry big sticks?

    I’m all for no cruelty to animals and venerating gods, but you know..if you’re being attacked, you have to defend yourself.

    It’s no different then if a gang of uncouth, uneducated bikers were to break in, steal your food and wreak your patio furniture. You know, except that they’re less capable of killing you.

  13. lennyd44 says:

    School for monkeys? India needs school for children! Ummm actually, never mind. Human origin is from a monkey.

  14. DL says:

    School for monkeys + typewriters = Next great novel.

    Why not just give the village kids some super soakers to even things out.

  15. entropy says:

    why don’t people just visit some corporal punishment on the monkeys? Monkeys used to be afraid of people, maybe that fear could be re instilled. Perhaps i’m a monkiest but still…

  16. Takuan says:

    gods? remember? look it up.

  17. spazzm says:

    Good idea.
    Maybe it would be better to start educating them while they’re young, before they become offenders.

    I can see this taking off, well-educated monkeys could hold down simple jobs – earning their keep while still being, essentially, free individuals.

  18. Anonymous says:

    The monkeys recently killed the mayor. Defenestration. In modern English that means they threw him out the window…

    The monkeys are descendants of Hanuman, so they are “Sacred”. The locals actually liked that bit of news above, btw. Since the monkeys threw him out the window they viewed it as the God Hanuman deciding he was not fit for his job!

    I remember in Africa somewhere they had a problem with monkeys spoiled by money and tourists. The monkeys picked pockets and used the money for vending machines. A shopkeeper got arrested for the crime of using monkeys for theft. He’d let monkeys trade him money for food, a combination of junk food, soda and real food. One day he only gave them $20 worth when the tribe had brought him a $100 and they attacked him and trashed his store. He called the police screaming for them to shoot the monkeys, but in explaining why the monkeys were so single mindedly trashing his shop, he ended up confessing. So the police arrested him, “You are the worse thief!” they said!

  19. Takuan says:

    relax, Halliburton has been sighted recruiting there.

  20. Rick says:

    There’s a drawback to venerating wild animals and letting them have free reign within residential areas.

    Reform school or not, I hope they at least vaccinate them.

  21. r1ch says:

    Monkeys are definitely a real pest in northern India. They’re fascinating company when you don’t have something they want, but you usually do.

    I remember sitting by the Ganges, fully absorbed by my Kurt Vonnegut collection entitled ‘Welcome to the Monkey House’. This turned out to be serendipitous, as all of a sudden I was surrounded by monkeys. I’d heard they steal anything you leave out, but this gang started throwing plastic chairs at me. Book abandoned, I bid a hasty retreat to my room, hoping they didn’t share my taste in literature. One of my neighbours stood her ground, and got jumped. She literally had to get a monkey off her back.

  22. phisrow says:

    This sounds like a hilarious premise for a movie; but I have very strong doubts about its efficacy.

    We have enough trouble reforming problematic humans despite the advantage of being able to communicate in natural language with them. Here, we have a monkey population running up against an increasing human population. Major structural conflict.

    My prediction is that, in fairly short order, this will either be shut down for uselessness, turned into a simple warehouse for problematic monkeys(if the conditions are bad enough, you won’t have to warehouse them for very long), or turn to simply euthanizing the hard cases.

  23. buddy66 says:

    Reform school? WTF? I say capital punishment!

  24. Anonymous says:

    I wonder how Monkey Burgers would taste.

  25. J.H. Kranti says:

    wow i’d like to see what they do to get monkeys in school. we can use it on these kids here.

  26. raisindetre says:

    I’ve always known monkeys are bad news. I’ve suspected for a long time now that monkeys are inherently evil. This story goes a long way toward proving my hypothesis. Otherwise, why would we need a reform school for them??

  27. starbreiz says:

    Clearly someone was reading today. I saw the pic first, before reading this, and had to go back for the link. This little guy might need a reform school too:

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