1. If you were designing your own superhero costume, how would you accessorize?
e. Stack of fliers saying you are a superhero
2. What part of Canada would you most like to sleep with?
e. Prince Edward Island
3. Burrito is to Chimichanga as
a. Jonathan Silverman is to Matthew Broderick
b. Gary Busey is to Nick Nolte
c. Paul Rieser is to Richard Lewis
d. Kelsey Grammar is to anyone else with an enormous freaking forehead
4. What's the worst thing you can say to a mugger?
b. Don't forget to check my other shoe.
c. I don't think you're man enough to fire that gun
d. Now that you mention it, there may be something in my rectum
5. Your butler tells you that your yacht cleaner will take two hours longer than expected. What do you do?
a. Shoot them both in the face.
b. Shoot just the yacht cleaner in the face, cause hey, it's not your butler's fault.
6. You fall into a space-time portal and land in Hitler's 7th birthday party. What do you do?
a. Devote the rest of your life to mentoring him, so that he'll grow to be a right and just member of society.
b. Molest the shit out of him.
(Thanks, Van Gogh-Goghs!)
Carrie McLaren & Jason Torchinsky are coeditors of _Ad Nauseam: A Survivor's Guide to American Consumer Culture_. In previous lives, they worked together on the hopelessly obscure and now defunct Stay Free! magazine. He lives in LA and writes for the Onio