Slate's "Choose Your Own Apocalypse" finds out what kind of doomsayer you are

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25 Responses to “Slate's "Choose Your Own Apocalypse" finds out what kind of doomsayer you are”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Christian values make America into pacifists, and we get bulldozed by invaders. Seriously?

    That one struck me as odd, too. This “Christianity” he describes sounds like nothing encountered here on Earth.

    It’s an odd mixture of serious issues and cheeky humorous scenarios, which is fun in a dark and twisted sort of way, but not really indicative of anything.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Aliens but no zombies? Weak.

  3. Sourbasil says:

    This is complete bullshit! I did multiple scenarios and all told me that “one world government” would tell me I’m right? WTF! that’s exactly the opposite of my choices! This game is a douche!

  4. ADavies says:

    I’m not clear. Are we supposed to vote for how we WANT it to happen, or how we think it WILL happen?

    Either way, put me down for zombies as number one.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Too bad North American land (or is it the people?) are such crap that a slightly denser population would destroy it.

    Frankly, I’m amazed that those of us with lots of resources and influence in the world (and low population densities) complain about overpopulation in our outsourced slave countries.

    We’re afraid they actually contribute more significantly than we do (hint: YES) and that eventually they’re going to make us feel that fact more pointedly.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I think it’s eery that the fall of the American Empire is the apocalypse for you…

  7. Anonymous says:

    did anyone get something other than bloodthirsty misanthrope?

  8. Talia says:

    I’m snickering at a few of these.

    Oh noooes, multiculturalism! Egads, gay marriage dooms us all! :p

    Apparently, I am a bloodthirsty misanthrope. Cool!

  9. misterfricative says:

    It’s not on the list, but a serious breakdown in logistical distribution networks would pretty much render most cities and suburban areas unlivable in a very short time — weeks if not days. Those supermarket shelves don’t stock themselves y’know.

    Or if not that, then yeah, zombies.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Too bad they don’t have an option to vote on least plausible; would be interesting to see the bottom five, too. Many, most really, are scenarios that would certainly wreak havoc on the US but I can’t see them as catastrophic enough to cause it’s failure. Haven’t read all of them but the economic ones seem the most probable while various invasion fantasies seems least likely. Interesting though, very interesting.

  11. spazzm says:

    This “Christianity” he describes sounds like nothing encountered here on Earth.

    That’s because all the truly Christian nations have been bulldozed by invaders, duh!

    I guess putting xtianity up there as a force of evil in itself, along with militant islam, would be too much to stomach for their readers.

  12. moose_hp says:

    Bloodthirsty misanthrope as well. Awesome.

    (I took: Grey Goo, Water Peak, 2012, Supercollider and Big Brother)

  13. ian_b says:

    I found an “oldocracy” but nothing for “idiocracy”.

  14. Takuan says:

    bigods! I’m a bloody misanthrope too! Fancy that.

  15. chip says:

    Half of those problems are a direct result of overpopulation, yet somehow that didn’t make the top 5 list.

    When you break it down, there are really only two possible causes of an “apocalypse” – Global natural disaster or overpopulation.

  16. TJ S says:

    Pick 5 reasons, you say?

    1) zombies
    2) Zombies
    3) MOAR ZOMBIES!
    4) American Idol
    5) The Hills

  17. chip says:

    I stand corrected. The Hills is a potential third cause of the apocalypse.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Hmm, no post-scarcity option I see (‘space harvesting’, ‘laziness’, and ‘socialist revolution’ come closest I guess).

  19. PixelFish says:

    Another bloodthirsty misanthrope here.

  20. Talia says:

    I would like to add that I would HAPPILY watch a zombie version of either American Idol or The Hills.

    Someone make this happen.

    With real zombies, preferably.

  21. Tenn says:

    As a bloodthirsty misanthrope- whar zombies?

  22. jphilby says:

    They left out Public Relations.

  23. romulusnr says:

    Hey, they’re using my Nine Nations map (via Wikipedia).

    An odd choice, to be sure, because Joel Klein never suggested that the Nine Nations were lines on which North America would be geopolitically divided, but that, in the non-political sense of the word “nation”, they *already* existed.

  24. OldScot says:

    How is the end of the American Empire an Apocalypse? (I agree with #2.)
    Signed
    an apparent humanitarian internationalist

  25. Mister Moofoo says:

    I was a humanitarian internationalist the first time, and a bloothirsty misanthrope the second.

    Very disappointed that there weren’t enough options representing America destroying the world. “Christianity” as an apocalypse meant that Christian values make America into pacifists, and we get bulldozed by invaders. Seriously?

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