/ Xeni Jardin / 11:58 am Fri Oct 16, 2009

The Nerdy Dozens

I'm posting geek "yo momma" jokes to my Twitter feed, and people who think that sort of nonsense is amusing have been replying with even funnier ones that I'm retweeting in an infinite circle of endless insult lulz. Here are a few selections. Follow me for more if you like. I promise not to tweet other crap at least for the rest of the day, so you can tune in to nothing but yo momma jokes without having to endure me talking about what I ate for lunch or what I'm the mayor of, or whatever.

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  5. @mypalmike, your mother is sweet, intelligent, smells nice, follows good grooming habits, and has a body mass index that is pleasing to my sense of what is correct for the female human form.

  9. @edmonton yo momma got a glass eye with a fish in it!

    yo momma so fat they mapped her for Google street view.

  17. Now I know you’re not talking about my momma, ’cause your momma’s so fat she’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her!

    Your momma’s so dumb she thinks the Diet of Worms is what you feed your pet frog!

    And she’s so ugly she gives Robert Williams the heebie-jeebies!

    (Howzat?)

  20. Your mother is so hot, she’s like an overclocked umm.. processor, with like, no cooling fan, or even a heatsink.

  23. Of course, here’s this old chestnut from Fake Stephen Hawking:

    “Your mama is so fat that the escape velocity at her surface exceeds 3•10^8 m/s.”

    It’s on YouTube and elsewhere but I don’t know whether trying to post a link will cause problems.

  28. That should be “veni vidi vici.”

    Yo momma so dumb she think ‘video hunc’ means the star of a David DeCoteau movie.

  29. Your momma’s so big that Paul Bunyan looks small besides her.

    Your momma’s so slow and dumb that she was uploaded and emulated on a 386.

    Your momma’s so big that doctors use scuba divers as nanobots to clean her arteries.

  30. Your momma’s so big that Alcor rented the whole Antarctica as cryogenic tank.

    Your momma’s so big that doctors use butcher knives as restriction enzymes for her gene therapy.

    Your momma’s so nasty that grey goo comes out of her nose.

    Your momma’s dumber than an augmented rat.

    Your momma’s so mean that Bonobos go to war with her.

    Your momma’s so dumb that superhuman AI SI:>6 cannot uplift her.

    OK, those were some transhumanist “your momma’s so” jokes

  32. Your mama is so fat, she expresses her dress size in scientific notation.

    Your mama is so fat, she and the great wall of China are used as reference points when astronauts look back at the Earth.

    1. Hmm, the expression didn’t come through the filter. 2nd try with square rather than angle brackets:

      Yo momma so greedy, [*] is her regular expression.

  38. what about computer games?

    your momma is so fat…
    – she cannot hide behind those barriers in space invaders
    – the zombies in doom 3 run away from her
    – she can only enter video games as endboss
    – she needs 3 different logins for her sims character

  39. Actually happened:

    Was reading a geology article the other day, and was told by observer that abbreviation “Ma” (megaannum) was “when yo Mama was born.”

  40. Your mother is so ignorant of Viking lore, she thinks Asgard is something you’d wear to prison.

    Your mother is so ignorant of geography, she thinks Napoli is the fat girl on ‘The Facts of Life”.

    Your mom is so dumb, she thinks ‘miasma’ refers to Popeye’s bronchial condition.

    –High-C

  46. Yo momma so fat, she’s not only bigger than the Hubble telescope, she’s bigger than the things it looks at.

    I just made that one up, do I win?

  50. Your mother is so dumb, when the cops knocked, she told the dungeon master to flush her Bag of Holding.
    Your mother is so dumb, she thinks Chimera is Russell Simmons’ ex-wife.
    Your mother is so dumb, when she rolled D12, Eminem lost half his posse.
    Your mother is so forgetful, that’s why they’re called the *Lost* Caverns of Tsojcanth.
    Your mother is so dumb, she thinks the tv show Firefly was based on the novel by Piers Anthony.
    Your mother is so ignorant, she thinks “T’Pau” is the onomatopoetic name of the last cleaning product hawked by Billy Mays.
    Your mother is so dumb, she thought “Seven of Nine” was a cute kid assimilated by the Borg who was brought in to perk up Married with Children after it jumped the shark.
    Your mother is so Trekkie, Neelix.
    Your mother is so dumb, she thinks Doctor Who’s on First.

    And my crowning achievement:
    Your mother is so dumb, she invested in Palladium cause she heard Rifts was being developed for N-Gage.

  51. Yo momma so ugly she appears in C’thulhu’s nightmares.

    Yo momma so popular she got her own O’Reilly series.

    Yo momma so nerdy she counts her age in seconds since the epoch.

  52. “Yo momma so fat, the ratio of he circumference to her diameter is four.”

    am i the only one who realizes this is the winner? thanks, anon.

  53. void howBigIsYourMomma()
    {
    while(yourMommasWeight < weightOfUniverse)
    {
    yourMommasWeight = yourMommasWeight + 1
    }
    }

  54. I’m afraid part of my expression got left out, rather spoiling the joke. It should read While yourMommasWeight is less than weightOfUniverse, etc…

  58. yo momma so fat IEEE is working on a wifi protocol so we can get the signals to reach users on opposite sides of her. It’s called 802.11 Draft Fat Mama

  59. yo momma so fat IEEE is working on a wifi protocol so we can get the signals to reach users on opposite sides of her. It’s called 802.11 Draft Fat Mama

  60. Yo mama so skinny, she hola-hoops with cheerios.
    Yo mama so small, when she wanted to commit suicide, she jumped off the sidewalk and died.

  61. Your mother is so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.

  62. Does anyone out there old enough to remember the Russell Simmons show that featured two men in “your mama..” banter? What was the show called and what was the banter called?

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