Funny conversations between book dealer and customers

The BookMine, an old and rare book dealer, has been collecting funny conversations with customers and would-be customers. Here are a few:

(phone call)
Hello. I have some old books for sale.
What kind of books?
Old ones.
OK. What subject areas?
Where does it say that?
(grown-up, looks around)
Do you have any real books?
Yes.
Well, not like the ones you have here. You know, real books! 
I'm not sure what you mean.
You know, books that are real.
Sorry, none of our books are real!
(phone call)
I have some old books.
Really, so do I.
How much will you pay me for them?
Good question. What do you have?
I'm not sure.
Why don't you bring them by.
Drive all the way downtown?
That's usually the way it works.
You're kidding!
Not really.
How much do you pay for books?
Depends on what you have.
Are there any other bookstores in town?
Yes.
What are their phone numbers?
Hang on, let me look them up for you.
(After being left on hold for 10 minutes, he finally hung up)

Funny conversations between book dealer and customers (via TYWKIWDBI)

Mark Frauenfelder is the founder of Boing Boing and the editor-in-chief of MAKE and Cool Tools. Twitter: @frauenfelder. Come and hear Mark speak at the ALA conference in Chicago on July 1.

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Anonymous

This is hilarious. But trolling of stupid customers begins and ends with Acts of Gord. He runs a game shop in Vancouver, and he deals with lots of spoiled kids and their overprotective parents.

http://www.actsofgord.com/
- Blaine
  
  #9
  
  That’s the first thing I thought of too! I love Gord. Went out of my way to buy a game from his old stock so I could say “That game… was sold by Gord”.
gbmbg

The customers might be silly and absent-minded, but the bookstore owner is kind of a douche.
JohnW

Had this exchange many years ago, when I was (more of) a feckless youth:

Customer: Do you have any book on bookshelves?
Me: All of our books are on bookshelves.
Antinous / Moderator

Me: Do you buy books?
Clerk: The owner’s never here. And she probably won’t buy anything. And if she does, she probably won’t give you much money for them.
ozzzzzz

I have to agree that some of these anecdotes are less than charming. The bookstore owner seems rather rude. I was particularly turned off when I read the account of his firing one of his “dumb” employees. Isn’t it enough that she was fired from her job on the spot? Is it really necessary to embarrass and insult her by name on your store’s website?

I used to work at Barnes & Noble and I have plenty of stories about bizarre customer requests, but I think it’s entirely possible to enjoy the humor in surreal customer situations without making moralistic judgments about another person’s character or intelligence. Maybe I’m just not cut out to sell books for a living..
Anonymous

I know this guy! He works hard and knows books. Willing to share information if you have at least thought of an intelligent question. He also bailed a widow out of a mess when her book rat husband died leaving her with a mess. Lots of folks would have offered pennies on the dollar, but he took it on consignment and made the widow’s life a lot better. He’s also got a great sense of humor!
Anonymous

Oh man, bookstore customers are the worst. I used to work in a Borders, and I wish I’d been able to say half the things I was thinking. As it was, I had a number of conversations like the following:

Customer: “I’m looking for a book.”
Me: “Well, you’ve come to the right place.”/”Looks like you found one.”/”We’ve got a lot of those, any *particular* book?”
Customer: “I think it’s blue.”

Amazingly, 9 times out of 10, we could find the book based solely on this, by walking the customer through the new release and bestseller sections and pointing out the blue ones. Which they had to walk past to get to the help desk. Durrrr.
Anonymous

There was a BBC comedy series a few years back, called Black Books that had a great curmudgeonly shopkeeper. The store had a reversible sign on its door that read “Closed” on both sides.
Cefeida

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFCYL-ATUp8
mgfarrelly

Oh God. Very similar to working in a library

Patron: Are you a librarian?
Librarian: Yes.
Patron: Are you sure? I thought librarians were all women?

Patron: Do you get these book especially for the library?
Librarian: Well, sometimes we get special editions, but they come from the same publishers
Patron: But only libraries can buy these books?
Librarian: No, anyone can buy any book they can find at a bookstore or online.
Patron: You must hate Amazon

Patron: Someone near me was looking at porn!
Librarian: I’m sorry. Are they still here.
Patron: No, he left.
Librarian. Did he turn the screen (we have privacy screens so you can’t view from the side) or harass you?
Patron: No. But I wanted to see what he was looking at so I got on his computer when he left.
lewisfrancis

One of my daily reads is http://notalwaysright.com/ — suspect a psych or neurology major could base their PHD thesis on these stories as they cover the gamut of intelligence, neurosis and cognitive deficits.
Anonymous

Working retail… haha

Just remember… no one makes fun of people for being too stupud to watch TV.

For balance they should add a section on knowledge laid down proper to customers.
Tdawwg

Lovely. Reminds me of an overheard argument in the now-defunct Avenue Victor Hugo in Boston, about ten minutes ago. After numerous and escalations and attacks between an irate, stupid customer and the irate, quite learned proprietor, the customer yelled the standard, “Is this how you treat customers?” to which the proprietor replied, “You’re not a customer, you’re an idiot!” Not a great business model, perhaps, but, damn, I miss that store, as well as that kind of honesty.
Phrosty

Hilarious. I read through the rest on the site, great stuff. The employee is somewhat witty. Some of the entries make you cringe though, like the lady who bought $3500 worth of books including Mark Twain first editions, just to decorate her daughter’s bathroom.
tomboing

Hoo boy, this kind of confirms what I’ve noticed over the years: that the people who worked in used book stores tend to be smug assholes and or smart alecks, at least here in NYC/Brooklyn.

An acquaintance of mine who runs a used bookstore here says he has noticed this tendency, too. One of his goals was to be a used bookstore that was distinctly different in this way.

Plenty of courteous, cool people in the job, too, of course. But seems like a surprising number are jerks. Maybe it’s that I have a higher expectation of coolness in that kind of store. Maybe it’s that the clerks there are overqualified and bored. Maybe it’s that social misfits gravitate to this line of work.
scionofgrace

I agree that the bookstore owner is a bit snarky for his own good. I worked at Borders for a few years and have had my share of clueless customers, but being patient with them is the best way to stay in business.

That said, I would spare no snark on the lady who bought first editions to decorate her kid’s room. I saw a high-end design magazine once (my SIL is an interior designer) where all the books were similar height and put on the shelf SPINE-INWARDS so that they looked uniform. And I’m sittin’ there goin’, what is the point of that bookshelf?

(Best question ever, from my time as a barista: “Cafe Freeze… is that cold?”)
Neon Tooth

I had the last conversation about a million times, except I was a used record buyer. Pretty much the same conversations.
Anonymous

Must be something inherent to book stores. Check out http://www.2girlsandacomicstore.blogspot.com/ Not updated for a while but comedy gold!
Nadreck

Apart from the L-user stories told by my SysAdmin friends my stock of idiot customer stories comes mainly from those times when my checkout line at the local supermarket comes to a complete halt while my ice-cream melts into puddles underneath the cart.

“How much are those two dollar things?”

“I was in here a couple of hours ago and bought a bag of frozen corn that I decided I don’t want. I just put it back in your freezer and I’d like a refund now. Receipt? Nah, I lost it.”

“I demand that the ’20 percent off” mentioned on this coupon apply to the after-tax value of the full-price item!! Not just 20 percent off of the pre-tax value!!! Call the manager down here and we’ll sort this out once and for all.” (Amount in dispute: 4 cents.)

“What do you mean you won’t accept my personal cheque for $300?! I need these groceries to stock my kitchen for the first time as I just arrived from Albania. See this is cheque number 1 so you know the account isn’t overdrawn.”
Anonymous

@ #1 First thing I thought of too.

@#2 Avenue Victor Hugo was a favorite of mine, it’s a shame that the forced neighborhood revitalization along with the proprietor’s “local character” kept it from surviving.
cycloxt

“Well, my Mom died and she was a hypochondriac.
Maybe she was right!”

Made my day.
Anonymous

There are insane bookstore owners & asinine employees, but many more kooky customers. 5 years at a Used & Rare Bookstore on “The Main” in Montreal.
Anonymous

Now I’m tempted to call this guy up and try and get on his list:

“hey, you buy autographs?”

“yes”

“I got a autographed photo of Jesus”

“wow, who autographed it?”

“I dunno, I can’t read the handwriting.”
ASIFA-Hollywood Animation Archive

I overheard this one:

Wife customer: Look honey! An autographed Ray Bradbury first edition! It must be rare!

Bookseller: Lady, the rarest first editions are the ones he DIDN’T sign his name in.
nomad13

As stupid as many of the customers in these conversations appear to be, the clerk comes across as quite an ass. Which as sievetronix points out seems to be a fairly common trait among book sellers.

When these guys ask “What do you collect?”, what they actually mean is “Since the books you propose to buy appear to be scattered across a range of subjects, periods and authors, you must be some sort of philistine and I intend to have a laugh at your expense.”
danwarning

I worked at a used book store in Philadelphia for 4 years and my favorite was when a disgruntled-looking acne-d teen aged girl in a catholic school girl’s uniform and braces stomped in and shouted at me behind the counter, “WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR BOOKS ON WITCHCRAFT?”
Chava

Late, but never mind.

“Hi, are you hiring?

No. What color do you call your hair?

Vermilion.

I have never seen that shade before.

My parents hate it.

I’m with them.

Really?

Yes. Can I give you some advise?

Sure.

Try to look normal if you are looking for a job.

Really?

Yea.”

Over-pretentious bookstore owner doesn’t know the difference between verbs and nouns, apparently.
meatpigeon

Almost any job in customer service is a horrible job. Customers are so spoiled nowadays.