Tiger Woods UK media gag order leaked

Wikileaks has published a copy of the UK media gag order that makes it a crime to publish real or Photoshopped images of "Eldrick Tont (Tiger) Woods... naked, or any naked parts of Claimant's body or of him involved in any sexual activity." So all you would-be UK slash-artists dreaming of hot Tiger-on-Klingon homo love tableaus in space can forget it. Right now. Forget it this instant, I say. Update: actually, the sweeping gag order covers pretty much any and all reporting about Woods' personal life.

• [doggo]

  Tiger? Tiger who?

• [johnphantom]

  Woops forgot, I do *sort of* enter the UK once in a while, when I go to the British Virgin Islands.

  The BVI really doesn’t equate to being the UK in my mind, I guess.

  Virgin Gorda’s Baths is my favorite place in the world :)

• [rrh]

  So what’s involved in getting a gag order in England? Could I preemptively get one to ban the British press from reporting on my sex life, you know, just in case? Or do I have to wait until they want to do it?

  Is there somewhere I can see a list of things that currently have gag orders? I mean, if I were a British reporter, I’d presumably need to be able to check whether or not my story touches on something that’s been ordered gagged. So there has to be a list somewhere.

• [johnphantom]

  Yeah xaxa, unfortunately it is my home. If I was a traveler I would not come to the USA.

• [johnphantom]

  Let me clarify a bit about my not liking what the USA is now becoming:

  I feel that with the Patriot Act, and Obama not removing it (and empowering it more) we have started to go down the road of fascism. This is not the country our founding fathers wanted for all of us. Most telling is how our senators and congressmen are bought and sold by big industry.

  That said, I do not know where else in the world I would want to go, as everywhere else is pretty much worse off than the USA.

  • [teapot]

    as everywhere else is pretty much worse off than the USA.

    I would like to see the list of criteria you used to come to this conclusion…

    Human Development Index for 2009 – USA 13th place

    Education Index 2008 – USA equal 19th place (equal with Lithuania)

    Democracy Index 2008 – USA 18th place

    Gender empowerment measure (GEM) 2009 – USA 18th place in GEM

    Happy Planet Index 2009 – USA 114th place (GEM)

    Quality-of-life index 2005 – USA 13th place

    Legatum Prosperity Index 2009 – USA 9th place

    Literacy Rate (as included in the United Nations Development Programme Report 2009) – USA equal 19th place.

    um… also are you forgetting about the US economy???

    US unemployment?

    So much for “everywhere else is pretty much worse off than the USA”. There is one developed, english-speaking country which beats you in every list.

    • [Tzctlp]

      “There is one developed, english-speaking country which beats you in every list.”

      Would that be Australia, Canada or Ireland?

• [Anonymous]

  Paragraph 5 is a gem.

  Translated, it reads:
  “There aren’t any naked photos anyway. But they’re probably faked. Anyway, I haven’t seen any. And I didn’t want her to take them.

• [Auz]

  “So what’s involved in getting a gag order in England?”

  Talking to Mr. Justice Eady seems to be the first step.

• [Teresa Nielsen Hayden]

  Are they brain-dead? Do they think that will work?

• [Xopher]

  “Any naked parts of [Tiger's] body” includes his head. Much as I’m sure Tiger would like to keep even his face out of the media, this is absurd as written.

  Makes me want to make Tiger-naked fakes and post them to UK websites, something I’d never have thought to do but for this gag order.

• [Anonymous]

  So long as this makes everyone focus on making fake naked pictures of Elin, I’m cool with it.

• [Xeni Jardin]

  @Xopher, were I a lesser person, I might encourage people to do just that!

  @Teresa: mmmm, brains.

• [Antinous / Moderator]

  Damn. No Tiger smut and I’m probably going to lose out on this eBay item as well.

• [Xopher]

  But of course you’re not a lesser person, and you wouldn’t think of encouraging such action.

  Nonetheless I feel encouraged. How can that be? A wonder.

  Soon I’ll be seeing a BB post titled “Just look at Tiger Woods’ banana.” Just look at it.

• [Xeni Jardin]

  @Xopher, ahahahahah

• [Xeni Jardin]

  @Antinous, oof!

• [Anonymous]

  Does this include pictures of his putter?

• [Anonymous]

  Rule 34.

• [Ian70]

  Sorry.. too busy fapping.. to read.. gag order..

  Also, fapping + gag order = auto-erotic asphyxiation. Do not want.

• [octopod]

  eldrick tonta is such a splendid name

• [Mister Moofoo]

  “No nude pictures of Tiger’s Wood–er, Tiger Woods.”

• [pauljholden]

  I wonder how they’d feel about artists impressions?

  0<-E (<–naked tiger woods smiley…)

• [james]

  Xopher: “Makes me want to make Tiger-naked fakes and post them to UK websites, something I’d never have thought to do but for this gag order.”

  makes me want to call simon and laura (mobile numbers included in leak) to ask them what i should do with the naked tiger pictures i do have. or simpsons ftw – “what the hell am i supposed to do with 10,000 naked tiger ashtrays?”

• [Anonymous]

  @Teresa Nielsen Hayden

  This isn’t the first time a media gag has happened and worked for a time in the UK.

  We managed to deploy one of our princes to a warzone for 3 or 4 months with the media gagged, it was a small time womens magazine that eventually leaked it, probably because it was thought to small to matter

• [Xopher]

  I’m an American (though less happy about it since this happened), so I can post this NAKED TIGER PICTURE—or a link to it, anyway—with impunity.

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    Forget Tiger with a hooker. Here’s Tiger with a baby.

• [misterfricative]

  A tableau that’s forbidden? Would that be a tabloo?

  And if it’s erotic as well, would that be a tablue?

• [Xeni Jardin]

  @xopher fap fap fap

• [Xopher]

  Xeni, does jilling off go fap fap fap too? I had no idea.

• [johnphantom]

  Nearly every day I read things (especially on BoingBoing) that make it less and less likely that I will ever enter the UK.

  • [xaxa]

    @johnphantom: every day, do you also read things that make you want to leave the USA? Like, say, this?