Sarah Jane Newbury, "Britain's most famous virgin," has world's best website

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41 Responses to “Sarah Jane Newbury, "Britain's most famous virgin," has world's best website”

  1. Day Vexx says:

    Whaaa? Yeah, this is bizarre.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I’ve seen some weird things on the internet, but this wins some sort of prize.

  3. blueelm says:

    Oh look! They found the nineties!!! So pure and untouched. Some one look at the source code and verify it has not been defiled. I don’t believe it. Surely no one could resist such… beauty.

  4. geoid says:

    Don’t forget to visit her friend, world famous bird
    impressionist Tony Durrant.
    http://www.tonydurant.co.uk/

    I think they use the same web designer….

    I come from the same town as Sarah, Trowbridge, Wiltshire. We are so proud of her!

  5. scaught says:

    I can’t believe this exists.

    • PaulR says:

      That Wiltshire Times article seriously needed an editor.

      After the WT journalist interviewed Sarah Jane and eventually figured out that that barely legible scrawl on her notepad was probably “Pat” and wrote the article and sent it to the newspaper and went to bed and on the next day bought a copy of the newspaper and turned to read it and thought to herself: “Wow, they forgot to put my name as the byline..probably a good thing.”

  6. kmoser says:

    The most disturbing thing to me is that the surgeon’s name begins with “Sushi”.

  7. JonStewartMill says:

    Miss Newbury seems to have an unnatural fascination with the state of her hymen. Who besides her even cares whether or not she’s a virgin?

  8. Anonymous says:

    Ok, but where’s the Sarah Jane slashfic?

    What?

  9. Anonymous says:

    Her virginity is safe from me. Yeeesh

  10. Brainspore says:

    So THAT’s who provides Xeni with unicorns.

  11. IronyElemental says:

    There are going to be some disappointed terrorists when they find 21 Miss Newberrys waiting for them in the afterlife.

    (Sorry)

  12. victorvodka says:

    for a virgin, she seems terribly obsessed with the idea of a neighbor eating her pussy!

  13. ill lich says:

    What’s that line from Vonnegut’s “Welcome to the Monkey House?”

    “So how does it feel?”

    “Pointless.”

  14. Xopher says:

    *looks around for rusty pins to stab out his eyes*

  15. Mister N says:

    My eyes, they hurt……….arrgghh!

  16. Boeotian says:

    Cor Blimey! Senses overloaded!

  17. Halloween Jack says:

    Her website contains proof that she has never been sullied either by penises or by good taste.

  18. jeligula says:

    There is music on every page of this website. How special.

  19. chgoliz says:

    Wow. It’s like she isn’t an adult in any way, not just sexually.

    I doubt she realizes that she’s proved the value of NOT being an adult virgin.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Hmm… could that be Sarah herself, albeit writing in the third person? ;)

    • Anonymous says:

      Yes, my thoughts exactly. I have seen Sarah Janes comments on an article about Katie Price and style of writing is remarably similar (long winded and inmature) to that of Anon#39.

  21. soybeans says:

    I think she is the alternate-reality offspring of Heather Mills McCartney and Koos Nolst Trenite. With a little genetic input from Terry Ortman.

    GIYF

  22. Anonymous says:

    hmmmmmm what a lot of sarcastic and weird comments written about someone pure, kind and honest. I know Sarah and she is a very happy, healthy sensible person.

    Any criticisms of the web design are pointless as well because she decided she would rather let children get involved in the design and colours than care what strangers may think. She is not competing for a design competition and she has said anyone implying she is ugly, stupid, making false accusations, is not genuine or any other nasty sick rubbish is not the sort of opinion she cares about from people with unknown identities.

    Sarah has many friends, a nice family, many colleagues, good mental and physical health, many fans, many who love her website, and all writing nasty things does is to prove what a mixture of people there are in the world with different personalities and levels of both intelligence and knowledge.

    As for comments about someone saying they killed and ate her cat, I myself witnessed it and Mr David Etches who lives at 8 Innox Road, Trowbridge is well aware the man who said it is the person with mental problems. So much so that the best friend of Mr Etches called Fred has told him although the man is his relative by marriage he agrees he is very sick and they have not spoken for many many years. The grandaughter Dorothy told us the man was always evil even at school and there are many witnesses to many things.

    All people in the public eye have people who like and dislike them. Life is a constant battle between good, bad and evil. Jesus was crucified on the cross.

    Sarah has been flooded by people writing and saying they love the website, parents saying they hope their daughters will hang on to their virginities a long time and forever if they dont meet the right man etc’… She is getting emails from men saying they love the web site, emails from people saying it makes refreshing reading and many nice sensible contructive things.

    Sarah is delighted with those people contacting her and she says she feels very sorry for the sick people who have writtten such rubbish on here as they just show themselves up, but then of course their identities are witheld.

    As for the comment about evil terrorists being disappointed, how sick and deranged, those men will not go to heaven and Sarah says if people are trying to say she is ugly and childish, then they just show how nasty they are and she has never been nasty about ugly people. In fact often ugly people are the nicest and very popular. She would rather be nice, kind and honest than the sort of person who grabs the opportunity to be so offensive and write such rubbish.

    As for the comment about cervical smears not being necessary as she has not had sex, this refers to the risk of cervical cancer, not inherited diseases or those caught by needles. The Doctors say she doesnt need it, and so please stop writing rubbish and spare a thought for many young women who have died from cervical cancer who did not know the risks. If women want to make an educated choice and stay a virgin that is no reason to be so evil. So you think terrorists would be disappointed, well how sick and crazy to write such deranged dribble. What weirdos.

  23. Jawbone Minding says:

    So, if I understand correctly, her main site is actually Brass Knocker – or, at least, she’s associated with that site.

    Um. Is is just me, or is “brass knocker” a pretty sexually suggestive word set?

    It’s like, “Virgins: Brought to you by Iron Members dot com”

  24. Kibble says:

    The last time I believed that an absurdly improbable website was on the level was rubberburner.com. I won’t be making that mistake again!

  25. Clay says:

    Not to beat a dead horse, but Brazil actually knows how to do this.

  26. dculberson says:

    “I have also been lucky enough never to have had schizophrenia or any mental illness or depression.”

    Someone reading through her web site would come away with a very different impression.

    He has never slandered her.

  27. UncommonSense says:

    “One rejected neighbour sent letters containing lies to various newspapers and is believed to have killed and eaten Sarah’s cat! ”

    This line would be much funnier, if delivered by Mrs. Slocombe from Are You Being Served.

    • blueelm says:

      If that is true then I don’t see what’s funny about being stalked and having your pet killed.

      • UncommonSense says:

        Guess you never heard of the BBC classic then. At least victorvodka got it. And if you read the website you would be disinclined to believe her accusations. Lighten up.

  28. Anonymous says:

    She has… problems.

  29. Anonymous says:

    This woman is crazy for not having a pap smear , because guess what your mom (or your Dad to your mom) could have passed it to you, and you could have HPV and not know it, yeah I should know. So even if a woman has never had sex she should get a pap smear, because it’s better to be safe than sorry.

  30. Anonymous says:

    I like the part of the homepage which reads

    “We are very actively involved in the Tsunami earthquake appeal and will be making a new page for the appeal soon”

    Way to be actively involved.

    Oh no, wait, maybe my favourite part is the way the url in the browser’s location field never changes because the entire thing is done with frames the content of which is served from a subdirectory of http://www.brassknocker.com

  31. Ian70 says:

    Xeni, stop reading Fark.com
    You’re better than this. Seriously.

  32. ryanrafferty says:

    @geoid you mean this guy? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr4VTSB3kj4 fantastic!!

  33. mister-o says:

    I thought they shut down Geocities…?

  34. godfathersoul says:

    ACK! You tricked me!

    “There is music on every page of this web site so please switch your speakers on.”

    Animated gifs! multicolored backgrounds! blurry terribly placed photos!
    shuddddder….
    and, worst of all, virgins! or, a virgin.

  35. arikol says:

    seemingly not.

    I read some of the words as well.
    Read like something by a ten year old.

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