Get this: Namco's Muscle March breaks through to U.S. WiiWare

By Brandon Boyer

Muscle March • WiiWare • Namco • www It was one of 2009's top game memes when video first emerged of its Japanese release, and now it's finally arrived: in a momentous occasion few thought we'd ever see (and even fewer genuinely hoped we would) -- Namco has just released Muscle March for download on U.S. Wiis. So how'd it turn out? Not surprisingly, pretty much exactly as you'd imagine from that video above. Strip away all the well-oiled bodywork and its a remarkably slim game of think-fast reaction time, a holdover from its arcade roots.
mm01.jpg The plot, so to speak, is simply to chase down the thief that's stolen your protein powder, be he a rogue football linebacker, alien Grey, or clownish/fey Nobunaga, striking whichever pose they choose to fit cleanly through the slapstick man-sized hole they leave in each subsequent wall. It's an easier task at the caboose end of the muscled train, giving you plenty of time to anticipate each movement, but as each teammate drops out and leaves you alone to your task, the pace quickens to split second decisions, made even more difficult by last-minute feints. mm02.jpg Again indicative of its arcade origins, each game rarely lasts longer than a hot minute or two, and Namco has made no effort to provide depth beyond that: it simply strives to be the best scantily-clad-bodybuilder-breaking-through-walls game ever made, a glorious goal it's impossible to say it hasn't achieved.

Published 10:37 am Mon, Jan 18, 2010

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14 Responses to “Get this: Namco's Muscle March breaks through to U.S. WiiWare”

  1. Enormo says:

    My favorite YouTube comments for this video:

    “Goddamnit Japan” and “my mind was raped”

  2. celeb8 says:

    I’m buying this when I get home. Art!

  3. holtt says:

    That is just too good…

  4. elix says:

    I’m going to turn on my Wii and buy this right now. I’ve been waiting for it, for the sheer wtf factor.

  5. Nate says:

    It’s great. Buy it. Only $5. Excellent.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Am I the only person who thinks this is just plain old homoerotic-looking?

    Not that there’s anything wrong with it.

  7. Anonymous says:

    So Funny! Buy it just to show your friends haha

  8. Cowicide says:

    I VERY rarely play games at all. I’m surprised I even looked at this trailer. After seeing this trailer, I WANT to get this game. It look fricken hilarious. Can I get this on a PC? Preferably a Mac?

  9. Church says:

    So 4chan made a video game?

  10. a_user says:

    Nobody mentioned Cho eniki yet – wow!

  11. Viceroy says:

    I can’t stop watching the trailer. It’s mesmerizing.

  12. vomit_missles says:

    this has /b/ tard written all over it.

  13. Anonymous says:

    It’s amusing that because 4chan has developed some notoriety, the claim is that true ‘net oddity must have shades of b/-ness.

    Sadly, if it, infact, was a game for /btards, it would be profoundly racist and in no way homoerotic, but instead populated with nude, marker-scrawled teen girl bodies. LeVar Burton would be in there somewhere and the game’s environ
    ments would be detailed with poster images of shotgun suicide victims and disability-sex shots.

    Also, did I mention profoundly racist?

  14. toothwhite77 says:

    This is so hilarious. I just had to have it. Lovin Rossi the polar bear!