If Steve Jobs gave the State of the Union address

Christopher Beam and Josh Levin of Slate imagine Steve Jobs giving the State of the Union address:

Thank you for coming. And thank you to President Obama for asking me to deliver this year's speech. We're going to make some history today.

You know, it was just a year ago that we announced our economic plan for 2009. We said we were going to turn around the recession. We said we'd create jobs. And we said we'd do it in 12 months. What happened? We did it in three. It was the most successful period in the history of the United States. And 2010 is only going to be better. How awesome is that?

(APPLAUSE.)

How did we do it? Simple. We made a stimulus package. It had the most features of any package we've ever created–more jobs, more money, more everything. We could have stopped there. We could've said, Hey, that was great. Let's go do something else. But you know what? It wasn't enough. The American people deserve something even better and more revolutionary.

The iState of the Union

• [lava]

  speaking of Steve Jobs, is his robot body ready yet?

• [coldspell]

  I can has Force Quit?

• [Saint Fnordius]

  It just goes to show you that nothing garners more hatred than success. Maybe that’s why both Jobs and Obama are so hated by their anti-fans, because they’re so good at what they do.

• [T0AD]

  Imagine the stimulus packages of both bush and obama as water in a pool. All they did was fill the shallow end with water from the deep end. The only thing that comes out of this is you help out certain special interests of your choosing.

• [Thad E Ginataom]

  Awesome.

  America has destroyed that word.

• [Francesco Fondi]

  WOW!!

• [agger]

  Nice, good going Steve Jobs, now comes the hard part: Do NOT mention “universal health care for everybody”.

  Do especially not add: Is totally taken for granted in any civilized country except … (drums)

• [watchout5]

  That was really…umm…stupid.

• [jaypee]

  … and one more thing.

• [freeyourcrt]

  @ #19
  And un-wonderful at that.

• [Jayel Aheram]

  Do not mention that the Nobel Peace Prize Winner has expanded the war in Afghanistan, and then expanded the war into Pakistan and Yemen. Or that the Nobel Peace Prize Winner has his Justice Department look into legalizing torture (instead of, you know, covering it up and denying the allegations).

• [Moriarty]

  I mean, it’s probably possible to have all functions of the executive branch controlled by a single click wheel and a series of menus, but is that really desirable?

  • [Tynam]

    I mean, it’s probably possible to have all functions of the executive branch controlled by a single click wheel and a series of menus, but is that really desirable?

    Yes. Yes, it is. Imagine a world in which you can actually find your executive branch’s “process slowly to conserve power” toggle. And turn it off.

• [Anonymous]

  I’ve never been a big follower of politics or laws, but the last 3 years has completely turned me away from anything political. Its clear to me there are no right answers and everything can [and will] be criticized for the sake of grandstanding and personal gain. The whole thing is a waste of time to me; its a broken car we keep filling with gas. With that said, Steve Jobs should give running this country [company] a try because he isn’t a politician, he’s just a guy that gets stuff done…and well.

• [bjacques]

  I couldn’t watch the speech. The DRM on it doesn’t allow it to be played outside the US.

• [GrymRpr]

  Would have been more enjoyable if it had been Woz instead of Jobs

• [BigBearChaseMe]

  I miss Bush.

• [Architexas]

  I would like to think that more Americans would watch the State of the Union if it was that upbeat and simple. But that would be sheer fantasy on my part…

• [EscapingTheTrunk]

  This is one of the best bits of flash fiction I’ve read in a while.

• [franko]

  oh great — a perfect storm of haters: obama AND apple. did you even think about the pandora’s box you were opening when you posted this?