Zombie/NPR fanfiction

Kirby sez, "Spot on parody of the NPR News Quiz Show during a Zombie Apocalypse. Peter Sagal, Carl Kassel, Mo Rocca, Paula Poundstone, and Tom Bodett don't miss a beat as they broadcast their last show before retreating to the cave system. The author gets the personalities perfect. You can imagine that this is exactly how the panelists would handle zombies."
PETER: To play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Our first and only listener-contestant is on the line. What's your name?
ZOMBIE: Brains?
PETER: Actually, according to my card here, your name is Steve Ryerson, from right here in Chicago! Steve is, or I should say was, an investment banker, and we all know they were the first to be targeted and converted into mindless zombies.
TOM: You mean they weren't before?
MO: It explains a lot about the financial collapse.
PETER: Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning, Mo Rocca!
MO: Hi, Steve.
STEVE: Brains.
PETER: A humorist and author of the new audio book "It's Just Like I Told You: Twenty-Five Years of Comment and Comic Pieces," Tom Bodett!
TOM: Hi there, Steve.
STEVE: Brains.
PETER: And finally, a comedienne whose CD "I Heart Jokes" is available at paulapoundstone.com, at least until the internet fails us, Paula Poundstone!
PAULA: Brains?
STEVE: Brains.
PAULA: I thought you might say that, Steve.
Wait Wait Don't Eat Me (Thanks, Kirby!)


  1. Absolutely correct, Oscar! Romero’s zombies were never picky about which parts they wanted to eat.

    If I have it right, zombies moaning ‘brains’ was actually pioneered in ‘Return of the Living Dead’, a punk/new wave-era satire written by the late, great Dan O’Bannon.

    It’s also the source of one of the best lines of dialogue in any movie, ever. “Send more cops!”

  2. I can’t get into this, because it’s my sincere hope that the crew of the worst show on NPR are the first eaten in the zombie apocalypse.

    1. What do you mean? Certainly there are much worse shows on NPR? I’d hope that “…this is Marketplace from American Public Media…” or Diane Rehm would have their chewy gray matter devoured before Carl Kasell.

      I, for one, welcome our new sarcastic “Wait, Wait” overlords…

    2. I actually kind of like “Wait Wait”, except when P.J. O’Rourke is a panelist. Then I can’t change the station fast enough.

  3. The worst is definitely Michael Feldman’s Whad’Ya Know? That show is total garbage, like a low budget/less funny (if possible) Tonight Show

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