/ William Gurstelle / 9:40 am Fri Feb 19, 2010

I Warned You to Stay Away From My Stuff

shocking stapler.jpgThanks to the tireless efforts of a legion of Chinese engineers/joke-fabricators, it's now possible to a own a Dwight Schrute-like office cubicle where every single item in sight, from the stapler to the desk clock to the computer mouse to the can of soda, is engineered to provide a hysterically comical high voltage shock when touched.

Who would want to do that? Man, that would be so cool; who wouldn't? I added up the total price for all items listed below and the whole bill comes somewhere around $50.

Partial listing of Shocking Gag Devices available at just one online merchant and no doubt I'm just scratching the surface of the entire shocking gag gift industry:

Shocking gag lighter
Shocking pen (numerous models and manufacturers)
Shocking chewing gum
Shocking tape measure
Shocking lipstick
Shocking hand shaker
Shocking USB drive
Shocking pack of novelty quarters
Shocking calculator
Shocking flashlight
Shocking laser pointer
Shocking digital camera
Shocking MP3 player
Shocking computer mouse
Shocking car key remote
Shocking desk stapler
Shocking slot machine
Shocking dice set
Shocking Alarm Clock
Shocking razor
Shocking Compass
Shocking chocolate Bar
Shocking Soda can
Shocking joke Book
Shocking candy Jar
Shocking playing Cards

So maybe I'll do that. Or would that would just be immature?

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  1. I wonder if I can get a judge to issue a preemptive restraining order to keep people from pulling gags like this on me?

      1. The supreme court has roundly rejected prior restraint!

        That’s the kind of justice you get without the benefit of an exploding gavel.

  2. I worked at a place that didn’t let me pack up my own stuff when I left; my manager at the time packed it all up for me (without my consent,) presenting me with a box when I came to “work” the next day. Even though I would not have been there to see it, these items would have been priceless then. Every one of them.

  3. I’m reminded of a passage from Ragtime by E.L. Doctorow, one of my favorite novels of all time and — to my thinking — the Great American Novel:

    At this time businessmen were discovering the profit in practical jokes and parlor magic tricks. There were exploding cigars, rubber roses for the lapel that squirted water, boxes of sneezing powder, telescopes that left black eyes, exploding card decks, sound bladders for placing under chair cushions, glass paperweights with winter scenes on which snow fell when you shook them, exploding matches, punchboards, little lead liberty bells and statues of liberty, magic rings, exploding fountain pens, books that told you the meaning of dreams, rubber Egyptian belly dancers, exploding watches, exploding eggs.

  5. this reminds me of a bartender i know who, tired of people helping themselves to the garnishes that co. policy dictated be left on the bar at the waitress station, doused them all w/ tobasco & kept the real garnishes in behind the bar
    …red hot maraschino cherries anyone?

  8. I heard of a guy once who didn’t like other people using his computer. So he remapped the letter assignments on his keyboard to a scheme that only he knew, and removed all the letter stickers from the keys.

  9. At Apple, we used to prank each others computers, so I setup a screenshot of my desktop as the startupscreen and as a screensaver that would pop up when fully booted. The screensaver was not quit-able by normal means, and would not show the password prompt that was necessary to unlock it. This used to be easy under OS9. No one pranked my macs. XD

  11. These days, if human resources hears about this, you would very likely get fired. Liability fears have gotten out of hand.

    If the person shocked gets angry, you could also face criminal charges or a civil suit. They could also try to claim potential heart or nerve damage if the shock is strong enough.

    1. Sadly, you are right. You’d have to choose your victim(s) carefully.

      Hehheh. An office full of these gadgets sure would make people paranoid about touching things.

  12. @Lobster, yup, they really are high voltage. Just very low wattage. They drop the watts down and elevate the voltage from a small battery.

    Note: the spark in those little lighters that make an electric spark (piezoelectic lighters) is easily above 10000 volts. The low amperage (W = A x V which means that V = W/A) so any change in one affects the others.

    But what kind of a**hole would buy these things?

    Well, maybe I would, but don’t tell anyone ;)

    1. From Anon: Quote: “I’d like to order a taser gun with the handle shock-enabled. – Oh the irony…” Unquote.

      OH MY GOD YES NOW THAT WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!
      not to mention criminal I think… And if you use one of these, what kind of trouble are you in if it happens to you? oh well, I don’t care all that much, I’d still buy one.

  14. I discovered a bunch of these in an electronics shop not long ago. I watched a guy yelp as he got zapped. Of course, monkey see monkey do – and yeah they hurt.

  18. I remember when I was 10 or so another kid had this ‘book’ that had ‘Famous Nudes’ or some such printed on the cover. When you opened it (and show me the boy that could resist), you got a pretty good shock. That was a lot of fun until the nuns took it away. They probably put “Notable Martyrs” on the cover and left in lying around the convent!

  20. I was intrigued by the “shocking compass“. I thought it might be just the thing for that friend of mine, who goes on long hikes each summer. I can just picture him now, off trail, meandering down a fork of some remote canyon, “is this still heading NNW?”, pulling out the compass and–YOW! Oh, chuckles… Turns out, it’s actually incorporated into a key ring that also includes an LED flashlight and a laser pointer. Now I’m completely baffled about which part is going to shock who, and when; and whether or not any part of the $3 gadget might actually be usable for anything but shocking.

    Cued by the one (negative) customer review, I studied the picture more carefully, and it appears that there is a series of buttons labeled with icons: one might pass for a pointer, another is a lightbulb (flashlight?), and the third is clearly the button one would press to shock oneself. This is a very well thought out product (strikethrough the “well”–the html for that doesn’t seem to be working in Preview).

  21. JonStewartMill – to each his own. Personally I despise people who can’t see the humor in *any* practical jokes ever.

  23. These are really cool gadgets! If your office mates keep stealing your pen this would be a great device to show them not to mess with you next time! we have a variety of these gadgets at http://www.pangadgets.com

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