Oh, Topeka. Don't ever change.

Last night, the city where I spent the first 12 years of my life decided to change its name from "Topeka" to "Google", apparently in a desperate (very desperate) bid to be the real Google's 1 gigabit-per-second fiber optic broadband guinea pig. I'm not sure which is more embarrassing: That this happened at all, or the fact that the city didn't have the cojones to go all in on their stalkery behavior—the name change is not legally binding and only lasts for the month of March. Ahhhhhh, Kansas.