Duluth: Forget Topeka, we will offer Google our first-born children

In an attempt to secure their place as the proving ground for Google's 1 gigabit-per-second fiber optic broadband, the leaders of Topeka, Kansas temporarily changed that city's name to "Google, Kansas".

The leaders of Duluth, Minnesota—another would-be broadband guinea pig—think that's pretty smart.

In order "to prevail in the Google pandering arms race" they're now offering to rename all first-born Duluthians "Google Fiber" (or Googlette for girls). Says the mayor, "Just because Topeka was da first to make an obnoxious symbolic gesture to suck up to da good folks der at Google doesn't mean dat we can't suck up even more."

It's worth noting that the apology to Topeka and assurance that this is just a joke that both precedes and follows the video is almost as funny as the video itself. Hopefully, two apologies will be enough to keep war from breaking out.

Previously:

Oh, Topeka. Don't ever change.

Maggie Koerth-Baker is the science editor at BoingBoing.net. She writes a monthly column for The New York Times Magazine and is the author of Before the Lights Go Out, a book about electricity, infrastructure, and the future of energy. You can find Maggie on Twitter and Facebook.

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nonie

Wow, thanks for featuring my hometown on boingboing dere. I wouldn’t have heard otherwise that I’m supposed to be Googlette Fiber Nelson now.
bklynchris

harold-I think the “bear” is Jason Jones from the Daily SHow, anyone else? And yeah, that was a pretty unusual Northern Minnesotan accent, jackie. Duluth doesn’t need no stinking Google donchya know, when we have the wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald, and the really cool Paul Bunyon statue. And don’t know why I’m sayin’ we as I was from St. Paul.
ian71

Duluth? Duluth??? DULUTH IS ON FIRE!!
Boba Fett Diop

Let me add to Taskbot’s request: if Google brings fiber optic to anywhere in western Toronto, we will give them the firstborn of both Topeka, Kansas and Duluth, Minnesota. The actual firstborn.

I’m sure Google has a giant gold statue of Baal lying around somewhere…
2k

by the way; you would have to be a dick to think we were being dicks.
We are NOT being dicks.
It’s a joke.
Look it up. ‘Joke’.
We are Joking.
Don’t be a dick.
alexanderwales

Minnesota is far too nice; hence the double apologies.
harold

love it. and who’s the bear?!
jackie31337

What an interesting accent. It sounds like sort of a cross between a northern Irish accent and a Swedish accent.
- Anonymous
  
  Jackie: It’s a bit of a put-on, but that’s about right, with the Swedish/Finnish portion being predominant. The Irish whiff you’re getting is actually Western Canadian (Eh?), which has a bit of Scots and maybe a hint of Oirish mixed in; Duluth’s only a couple of highway hours from the Ontario border.
  
  Variants of that accent used to be very common in the Upper Midwest, but nobody under the age of 90 sounds like that nowadays unless they’re doing so for effect; most of us now sound like the real mayor in the video.
  
  Here’s another version (sadly, also fake) of that accent, from an old local Minnesotan (Twin Cities, not Duluth) kids’ show from the 1950s, “Axel and His Dog”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fT95UBp22A
0_x_0

Hail the Northland!
DoublePlusDuluthGigaFiber!
_OM_

…Ah, the insanity that the yankee midwest inbreeds and reproduces. It actually makes me miss the days whe Google was just a brand of flavored peanut butter.
Anonymous

man. I lived in Duluth for several years. I am embarrased.
Anonymous

Topeka just got pwned.
Anonymous

Topeka is not the first to rename their city. Let’s not forget about half.com http://www.buzzmarketing.com/halfway_oregon.html. We have pride in our city, Asheville.

@h0zae
Google Asheville
googleavl.com
benher

Gotta have dat true-coat on dat fiber der!
Taskbot

Let the pandering race begin. My bet is that the next city offers the left nut of every male citizen.

I only wish that Google would come north of the border and help out us Canadians. I would certainly give my left nut for a reliable internet connection without all the bullshit caps and throttling that plagues Canadian ISPs.
- Anonymous
  
  I’m sure Google will have uses for them for one of their secret projects.
- abstract_reg
  
  All of Canada will get “I love Google” tatooed to their foreheads, AND their genitalia if Google would only bring Canadian towns and cities into the experiment.
- David Carroll
  
  Oh, I think we all know that Canadians can suck just as hard as anyone from sconnie nation.
  
  Personally I like the bullshit caps and throttling. Otherwise I would never get any fresh air.
  
  Big fat ;) eh?
Anonymous

Aw yeah! Topeka VS Duluth! Fight!