Cocaine and Grand Theft Auto

Tom Bissell is a young book author and contributor to The New Yorker and Harper's. He is also a cocaine addict and Grand Theft Auto enthusiast. In The Observer this week, he wrote a fascinating piece about the relationship between blow and gaming, and the impact of both on his life. From The Observer:

In Vegas I had made a friend who shared my sacramental devotion to marijuana, my dilated obsession with gaming and my ballistic impatience to play GTA IV. When I was walking home from my neighbourhood game store with my reserved copy of GTA IV in hand, I called my friend to tell him. He let me know that, to celebrate the occasion, he was bringing over some "extra sweetener". My friend's taste in recreational drug abuse vastly exceeded my own, and this extra sweetener turned out to be an alarming quantity of cocaine, a substance with which I had one prior and unexpectedly amiable experience, though I had not seen a frangible white nugget of the stuff since.

While the GTA IV load screen appeared on my television screen, my friend chopped up a dozen lines, reminded me of basic snorting protocol and handed me the straw. I hesitated before taking the tiny hollow sceptre, but not for too long. Know this: I was not someone whose life had been marked by the meticulous collection of bad habits. I chewed tobacco, regularly drank about 10 Diet Cokes a day, and liked marijuana. Beyond that, my greatest vice was probably reading poetry for pleasure. The coke sailed up my nasal passage, leaving behind the delicious smell of a hot leather car seat on the way back from the beach. My previous coke experience had made feeling good an emergency, but this was something else, softer and almost relaxing. This coke, my friend told me, had not been "stepped on" with any amphetamine, and I pretended to know what that meant. I felt as intensely focused as a diamond-cutting laser; Grand Theft Auto IV was ready to go. My friend and I played it for the next 30 hours straight.

Video games: the addiction (Thanks, Lyn Jeffery!)

• [Antinous / Moderator]

  When I’m high, I play this weird game called Boing Boing. As far as I can tell, the goal is to steal your opponents’ vowels.

  • [mdh]

    got yer nose!

• [Anonymous]

  hold the phone… he mentions drinking 10 diet cokes a day as an example of NOT having bad habits? is that a normal amount of them to be drinking?

• [Anonymous]

  amazing article. thanks for this.

• [Chentzilla]

  Sounds like this guy: http://www.loweringthebar.net/2009/10/grand-theft-auto-insanity-defense-fails-again.html

• [Razzabeth]

  What a loser. Cocaine is such a worthless, uninteresting drug.

• [PeaceLove]

  I think the article is amazing. It really illuminates a kind of schism in the author’s experience. On the one hand, he could see that his productivity in the “real world” declined precipitously, and that he was engaging in extremely risky behavior by mixing cocaine into his compulsive game-playing experience. On the other hand…well, the experience was just so much FUN, so consistently interesting and rewarding to his mind, if not to his wallet.

  Recognizing the latter, and its roots, is certainly an important key to helping addicts to move back into the real world. I hope this is only the first article of many. I’d be interested to see where the author’s mind goes now he’s stopped distracting it with so much bread and circuses.

  And I wish him iron strength and will as his last snort retreats into the rearview mirror of his memory.

• [Anonymous]

  I tried Grand Theft Auto once and knew I could never touch it again or it would eat my entire life. I’ve never tried coke for similar reasons.

  I know I could be addicted to games. Boing Boing is bad enough at taking my time.

• [chromecow]

  I fully recognize the authors talent, but it does bolster my suspicion that, while video games are fun and engaging to play, stories about other peoples experiences playing video games are…not.

  As further proof, I offer you Arnold Rimmer: King of Risk

  • [Felton]

    Arnold Rimmer: King of Risk

    Heheheh! Thanks for that.

• [failix]

  Wow… now that’s what I call an [some fitting adjective my English vocabulary is to poor to include] article! I totally agree with Anon @ #42 and PeaceLove @ #45. Thanks for the link David!

• [Anonymous]

  I used to smoke dope and play freeciv till dawn.

  I get sick of the feel of smoke in my lungs but still like freeciv….but don’t play till anywhere near even midnight these days.

• [Anonymous]

  http://www.videogamenews.com/Home/tabid/36/ctl/ArticleView/mid/625/articleId/2080/The-official-Call-of-Duty-energy-drink.aspx

• [MichaelRN]

  “What have games given me? Experiences. Not surrogate experiences, but actual experiences, many of which are as important to me as any real memories.”

  Ugh. Addicted addict is addicted. He’s lucky that he can still put his pants on in the morning and string a few lines (of prose) together. Like so many notable writer/addicts, he’s a decent writer despite his addiction, not because of it.

• [Anonymous]

  imag – For what it’s worth, writers don’t generally write headlines/subheads. I seriously doubt he wrote the “no regrets” line, especially since it doesn’t jive with the text.

• [lolbrandon]

  When I was playing WoW and EQ, I always heard people in the general talk channels talking about how they were high or stoned or drunk “right now.” I’ve never understood the enjoyment of being on drugs, let along while playing video games, let along bragging about it in public channels.

  I think Mr. Bissell has a lot more issues with his life than a few violent video games, but if he wants to place the blame on games for ruining his life, he can join the club. But I can’t feel bad for someone who can’t take responsibility and account for their choices. I live a perfectly normal life and have enjoyed all the GTA games. Boo hoo, Tom.

• [tad604]

  I’m not normally one to judge, but that just sounds sad. I mean smoking dope and playing video games is one thing. Snorting coke though? Aren’t you supposed to be doing something more glamorous? Like hookers or at least strippers? Clubbing? Not hiding out in your mom’s basement playing video games.

  • [unutterable]

    I don’t think hookers and strippers really count as glamorous.

    • [KanedaJones]

      for people like you and me, he was being ironic/sarcastic

      for people who sink themselves into hip hop gangsta-ism.. I suppose it really is. in there head anyways

  • [dculberson]

    That’s part of what’s so addicting about some drugs, though; they make almost any activity seem endlessly glamorous and amusing. Video games are compelling normally, but they’re completely irresistible when you’re on, say, amphetamines. Plus you get way, way better.

  • [Anonymous]

    Each to their own but I see playing video games as far superior to clubbing, you call that glamorous but to me its only slightly less enjoyable than a root canal. Most nightclubs seem to be filled with the sort of people I actively and easily filter out of my gaming experiences

• [Lady Katey]

  “A cocaine addict and a GTA enthusiast”

  I think he might be a GTA addict as well. Addition is behavior based, it is not only restricted to ‘chemical dependence.’

• [Lady Katey]

  Um, ‘addiction’ not ‘addition.’ And I’m sober!

• [DAN_III]

  Are we supposed to feel good or bad about this? Because I don’t feel any better about the videogame+drug combo… I kind of realize that videogames is only one part of the enjoyment and a drug could be a compliment, but this story doesn’t make that sound very attractive.

• [MrsBug]

  Hmmm, well. I guess this is the “live fast, die young” version for gamers.

  • [Cowicide]

    This isn’t the Hunter S. Thompson you’re looking for. Move along. Move along.

    ;D

• [misterjuju]

  This sounds like the beginning of a recovery story. I’ve been reading a lot of them lately, and they always start out with the glamorizing first experience that leads to the addiction, that leads to the rock bottom, which paves the way to recovery.
  It seems like no one can write a story that JUST glamorizes drug use without leading to the addiction-rock bottom-recovery process.
  To be honest, I enjoy the glamorizing more than any part of the story, although I do like to surge of hope I get when I read about a former drug addict getting his/her life together.

  • [Anonymous]

    This is kind of what I like about rap music – most of the songs are about doing drugs, hittin the club, bangin some strippers, killin you enemy, makin money then….do it all over again the next day. Sure, every rapper has that one “battling demons” song buried somewhere in the album, but the hits always reflect that pattern.

• [Anonymous]

  Word to the wise – or the not so wise, which I’m betting includes a lot of the video gaming coke heads, or the people who think this sounds appealing. Regardless of your opinion on drugs, the relatively unknown fact is that intranasal cocaine users are at an extremely elevated risk of contracting hepatitis c.

  Something to consider before going on your next bender. Videos games & coke are a habit you can quit – hepatitis is for life.

• [Tdawwg]

  Apparently most folks play video games while sober. Who knew?

• [dbarak]

  1. Can we call him “The Bissell Vacuum?”

  2. Drugs schmugs. With prose like this, he should be writing bad porn:

  “…I had not seen a frangible white nugget of the stuff…”

  “I hesitated before taking the tiny hollow sceptre…” (Note the British spelling of scepter.)

  • [dbarak]

    Foot in mouth time – I just noticed that his story was published in The Observer, which explains “re” vs. “er.”

• [toxonix]

  Wow, that is a story he should maybe keep to himself. If I didn’t know exactly what he was talking about, and how extremely bad for you it is, I might think it sounds like a good time. Drugs are bad for Everyone to a large degree, and for a person with the ability to walk, run, and otherwise move about, playing more than an hour of video games per day is not so healthy. I used to play about 3 hours a day AT WORK, because I was a game developer, but that was a JOB I was getting paid for, and it involved much more thinking than something like GTA.
  The result of 30 hours of stimulants and gaming will be some amount of brain damage.

  • [WiredEarp]

    Hold up here – are you saying that stimulants, or gaming, is going to cause brain damage, or just a combination of both? I doubt gaming causes brain _damage_ myself, and surely it would depend on the specific stimulant taken whether it caused any damage or not.

    Sure playing for more than an hour a day may not be ‘healthy’ but what are you comparing it to? Watching TV? Cooking? Going to the gym? Shooting guns?

    ‘Drugs are bad for Everyone to a large degree’. Sigh. WHAT drugs are you referring to? You realise that virtually everything we consume is a ‘drug’, don’t you, so are you referring to coffee, tea, water, milk, cocaine, speed, LSD, opiates, or what?

    Your post is so full of generalities that is inoffensive, but unfortunately those generalities also make your post valueless.

• [Anonymous]

  This wasnt a article written to either glorify or demonize drug use, or gaming.

  I think the point was both that a good game is a new type of art or narrative that we really dont undertand yet(present company excluded) and a side note on how altered minds percieve art/story-telling differently.

• [Corso]

  Comment 18 and 20 say it all really.

  Article is just long and wordy and doesn’t make any discernible point. He just kinda says what happens in gta4, and recalls his uninteresting debauchery alongside said game. I’m surprised some editor didn’t crop it down by at least half.

• [Anonymous]

  wipeout and blow ruel ok! ;)

• [Anonymous]

  yes yes, we all do drugs and play videogames. we read boingboing afterall

• [Mitch]

  He makes it sound so nice. I think I want to try it.

  No connections or video game console, though.

• [adonai]

  I just don’t get how he could get anything from GTAIV. Boring game obsessed with realism over fun. GTA3:SA, well yes, I could see that happening.

  What is sad is this kind of story, where the only issue is he has an addictive personality, will probably get picked up by old media on a slow news day to feed the “games r bad!!1!” flames…

• [EH]

  A great illustration of Steve Albini’s contention that drugs lower your shit-filter.

• [Day Vexx]

  A rather long-winded way to say that the game is only interesting if you’re high off your ass.

• [Anonymous]

  “Cocaine is such a worthless, uninteresting drug.”

  For you. The interest of a substance is inherently subjective and differs among individuals.

  As for worth, well. That’s more of a matter of global supply and local market forces.

• [tad604]

  I can’t speak to your club experiences, but for me I typically filter everyone but the dj, the bartender, and maybe some eye candy out of my clubbing “experience” and if the Dj is any good spend 2-12 hours dancing. So I can’t really see how clubbing compares to a rootcanal or is full of obnoxious people.

• [Anonymous]

  What the hell is wrong with some of you with your slandering his writing style or preaching against what he did? This guy wasn’t making any grandiose point, he was simply writing a heart-felt story of his experience with gaming and various addictions.

  It’s real, gritty, and offers no faux claims of enlightenment, recovery, or superiority. Are some of you so desensitized with an excess of Hollywood’s corporate entertainment products that someone’s real life story is just too drab or not “sexy enough” or something???

  Personally, I thought it was one of the best things I have read in quite some time!

• [Anonymous]

  Damn. I read that, my mouth went dry and I had an overwhelming urge for a game of Space Ivaders!

• [cha0tic]

  RFA it’s actually very very good.

• [Anonymous]

  well written, makes me wanna do some (good) coke.

• [murrayhenson]

  A week ago or so, Stephen Fry was on The Late, Late Show with Some Scottish Guy talking about, among other things, how he used to get coked up and play Scrabble. To each his or her own.

• [Anonymous]

  Although I’ve never attempted to play Modern Warfare coked up, I habitually take pre-workout drugs and ephedrine. On these crazy substance my game play is improved and hours go by like seconds, and let me tell you…it’s great shooting the heads off of 10 year old kids whose parents should be reprimanded for letting their spawns infiltrate a Mature rated game.

• [Hawkman]

  Good, Bad…I’m the guy with the gun

• [billclonton]

  Grand Theft Auto sensationalism in 2010?

  How many people play GTA? Definitely in the millions right?
  So how is it surprising that in any population of millions some people will be cokeheads, some will be actual car thiefs, and so on and on?

• [Fred H]

  Say what you want about the vacuous life of the writer, I have one new vice to try-10 Diet Cokes a day! In reality, I think only my kidneys will experience anything new.

• [vytautasmalesh]

  Small world – I was in Vegas around that time and acquainted with Mr. Bissell by way of the gentleman who didn’t “step on” the cocaine (we attended UNLV together)- I’ll see if he has any input on the article and report back.

• [Anonymous]

  Interesting how many people read an incredibly lucid, beautifully constructed, high-disclosure editorial piece and are so turned off by the content they can’t grok the quality or the value of the described human experience. Look, some people are a weird kind of content as addicts. As long as he’s stoned and playing he doesn’t have to deal with his filth, health, life, family, obligations- any more than absolutely forced to. Until he gets sick- I mean REALLY sick, inpatient sick- dead, or arrested, he’s a horrible flavor of fine. This terrible life he’s living is actually meeting his needs- and as long as he keeps playing it will continue to do so. Once he stops getting high or playing GTA, everything will catch up to him. And he’s pretty clearly expressed why he would want to avoid that as long as physically possible. My only real concern with this is that the malnutrition, dehydration, bad hygiene, and drug use might damage him so badly that when- if- he decides to get off the bus, he may be so fried and sick that he’s not the same person to come home to as when he started. It sounds like he’s in so deep that even if he survives this, he might be breaking the meat machine he’s living in and counting on to be there when and if he decides/survives long enough to break out of both addictions.

  When/if he survives, imagine the huge gaps in the lives around him that he will have missed- nd all the personal development of his own he will have missed as well. He will have developed, but nobody around him except a few gmer/stoner friends will have been there to see it. It’s like he’s been invisible, living (not living) this virtual life(non life), having(not having) all these virtual experiences that never happened, with all these interactions and relationships that happened for him but nobody else. What an eerie thought, like being the lone survivor in a post-apocalyptic story- heir to all these stories nobody else will ever be able to know or hear, and thus a ghost somehow, a sort of zombie, with everyone else’s stories and lives just ghosting around you, never touching you, and you never knowing them until they’ve passed.

• [Xenu]

  “Ever play video games… on coke?”

• [mdh]

  I appreciate this story, it confirms my decision 20 years ago to never touch cocaine.

• [imag]

  As an addict myself, who fortunately never got into GTA, and who used a different form of coke, I thought the article was *interesting* somehow, but it felt unfinished.

  Clearly, Coke and GTA both trigger feelings of accomplishment without actual accomplishment. They take little work, but the dopamine release matches the feeling you would get if you had just done the greatest thing ever. For some people even more that others, that’s addictive. How GTA does it is through experience stimulation rather than direct chemical stimulation, but it’s essentially the same thing: hitting the dopamine release button over and over again.

  I don’t really know where to go from there. The headline says he has no regrets, but the article doesn’t seem to bear that out. He does allude to the fact that his experiences in the game are real, and that he feels like they were real accomplishments. I have my doubts about whether he’ll really feel that way in 20 years (should he live that long). He is still, as he says in the beginning of the article, in active addiction, so I’m not sure his judgment is really that trustworthy.

  I’m actually impressed he wrote such a lucid article after gaming all day. My own diversions seem to limit my ability to pay attention that long…