Restore Stephen Baldwin by giving him your money


80 Responses to “Restore Stephen Baldwin by giving him your money”

  1. Boba Fett Diop says:

    Wait, is he covered in boils yet? Has his firstborn been killed by a collapsing house? No? OK then, I’ll just be over here. Let me know if anything changes.

  2. abstract_reg says:

    Guys. This is hilarious! Why are so many getting indignant when they could be viewing this as brilliant satire?

    I was so excited about the joke of this when I scrolled down to the comments only to see most of you not willing to put your tongues in your cheeks.

  3. keypontrucken says:

    That was hilarious. Where are the rest of the parodies of washed-up loser ‘celebrities’?

    …What? This isn’t a joke? Well, you could’ve fooled me.

  4. Aaron says:

    Ignoring the website for a moment: That’s an awesome video! I have a hard time taking the idea seriously, but man, the pathos, the pitch, THE FRIGGING HALO…

    Awesome. ^_^

  5. nixiebunny says:

    So God gets all the glory when one person causes many people to give money to a washed-up actor.

    Excuse my naivety, but what work is God actually *doing* in all this exchanging of funds?

  6. Micah says:

    He’s going to need a lot of donations if he’s going to get a faster private jet. Because every preacher of the gospel needs his penniless followers to donate money for a faster private jet.

  7. Anonymous says:

    If you doubt for a minute that he can’t convince Christians to give him money, you haven’t seen these nuts in action before. They rake in millions of bucks and they’re tax free.

    Satire or not, he’ll be getting money. I pity the fools, though.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I wonder if he’s pitched to the studios the idea of a film about Job (either the one from the Biblical era, or a modern-day version) with him in the title role? Then he could have those contributors instead pay to see him in that movie.

  9. keypontrucken says:

    Hahaha, you just have to go to the website too. It’s even funnier than the video. My favorite part are the examples of “persecution”, one of which is: “This sucks for him”. LOL! Gee people, don’t be so hardcore!

  10. Marshall says:

    Why is it that actors, musicians and other celebrity artists don’t seem to understand the idea that maybe they aren’t always going to have high wage jobs in the same industry. Imagine how much happier so many of them would be if they would embrace the career & lifestyle change that they so badly need. You don’t have to be poor and work at McDonald’s your whole life if it’s your first job, and you don’t have to be an rich actor either.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Perhaps god could restore Stephen Baldwin’s acting talent at the same time. Oh wait…that’s right, he never had any in the first place!

  12. Anonymous says:

    Alec Baldwin is Ying, Stephen Baldwin is Yang. Yeppppddddppttt, you shush, now.

  13. Elite Hacker says:

    He’s a tool. Maybe he should look in the mirror and give himself the “Here in America…in MY America (The one we need to take back) we actually work for a living. Take that liberal, welfare-humping attitude and stick it up your gay-marriage loving bunghole. We don’t take bail-outs.”

    He can suck it. He’s got two limbs. He’s got a semi-operational brain. Go get a job you lazy bum!

  14. Anonymous says:

    I’m sure Scott Baio would be happy to help him out. Also, I thought these religious types were going to create their own “Hollywood”; why doesn’t he get an acting job with them.


    Consider the lilies of the field, Stephen. And the sparrows.

  16. Anonymous says:

    I think it’s important that Christians have a choice. And that’s why, inspired by Stephen, I (also a Christian) have put up a site called “The Restoration of John Shore: Giving John Shore money so that people will believe in God.”

    Thanks, guys.

  17. Snig says:

    Still going back and forth on whether this is a parody, but the wiki on him is consistent with this sort of behaviour.

    This is my favorite entry:
    “Baldwin has a tattoo on his left shoulder of the initials “HM” for Hannah Montana. He got the tattoo after making a pact with Miley Cyrus that he would be allowed to cameo on the show if he had the initials tattooed on him. He revealed the tattoo to Cyrus at a book signing in Nashville, on November 10, 2008. To date he has never appeared on the show. He has since gone on record as saying that he regrets getting the tattoo.”

    I think the people involved in this website must have skipped over the part in the bible about not worshipping “false idols”.

  18. Anonymous says:

    christ, what an asshole?

  19. loonquawl says:

    All those net-savvy people around here, and nobody knows how the satire-tags look like if they are not set in html. Hit the donate button, have a laugh, and get a grip. Jeez.

  20. lewis stoole says:

    maybe it’s just me, but i would think after blowing the first million, one would give pause and reflect, “hey, i’m a million dollars in the hole”. maybe i just don’t get it. maybe two million is where one gives pause and self reflects. i don’t know. is it one million or two million these days? anyone know?

  21. MarkM says:

    This video is so out there that if i didnt KNOW it wasnt a parody, i would SWEAR it was a parody. I almost literally roflmao.

    Stephen, though thou art poor in worldly goods, yea, thy videos are rich in irony: rejoice in this!

  22. Anonymous says:

    I didn’t think this was real.

    How sad that it is.

    I hope anyone thinking about giving him some money, gives it to someone else who really needs it.

  23. HowardsGrl says:

    I think I’ll just pray for him.

  24. ASIFA-Hollywood Animation Archive says:

    This is on the cutting edge of internet marketing… a crowd funded ministry. He should create a kickstarter campaign.

  25. Anonymous says:

    Is this perhaps just a ‘viral’ website to get the creators some publicity and show how they’re going to revolutionize the web?

    Or is the embargo still on so we can’t talk about that yet?

  26. AnneH says:

    What a magnificent illustration of Poe’s Law!
    (From Rationalwiki)
    “Poe’s Law states:
    “Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won’t mistake for the real thing.”

    Poe’s Law points out that it is hard to tell parodies of fundamentalism (or, more generally, any crackpot theory) from the real thing, since they both seem equally insane. Conversely, real fundamentalism can easily be mistaken for a parody of fundamentalism.”

  27. Anonymous says:

    A CHALLENGE in response:

  28. Anonymous says:

    Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give a man religion and he will start praying for a fish.

  29. Anonymous says:

    i remember a time when he was handcuffed to lawrence fishburne. i think fishburne had a hard time dragging him around, so now, the christians are responsible for him. way to haul the dead weight lovers of jesus!! doing the jobs that noone wants!!

  30. Anonymous says:

    So he wants to be persecuted/martyred, but he also wants welfare.

    To quote the conservatrolls, get a REAL job, you lazy bum!

  31. Teller says:

    “Stop doing that face!”
    – Derek Zoolander

  32. solstone says:

    My immediate response is ‘Screw Stephen Baldwin. Maybe he should pay his debts and learn some damned humility. What an asshole.’

    Then upon reflection… yeah, I basically stick with that position. Yup.

  33. seanpatgallagher says:

    I think I preferred Stephen Baldwin when he was only morally bankrupt.


  34. mellowknees says:

    I think you guys have fallen for it – it looks to me to be a website for donations, but NOT for donations TO Stephen Baldwin – this is what it says:

    “Our vision is to see Stephen Baldwin publicly restored in front of millions. Stephen’s platform will increase allowing him to reach even more people with the Gospel and God will get all of the glory. Publicly.”

    So, THEIR vision is to get money to continue to preach stuff…just with Stephen Baldwin as their spokes-celebrity. Kirk Cameron must have been too busy making movies about firefighters, I guess.

  35. mn_camera says:


    Born again? No, thanks, I got it right the first time.

  36. Anonymous says:

    OMG – literally.
    How pretentious can you be, claiming to have seen God. Restore Stephen Baldwin to what may I ask? An overpaid obnoxious loud American? I don’t think so somehow… ¬¬
    As if religion wasn’t ridiculous enough? Effectively religions are cults with their laws and quirky seasonal holidays and stories, it seems like some people have taken it to heart. The only value to be obtained from religion is the sense of community it brings and the charity (not for Stephen Baldwin). If he was truly a good hearted man he would live off nothing.

  37. Anonymous says:

    [Stephen Baldwin... gone clean huh? Say it aint so]
    If this is for real then it’s hard to have any sympathy for someone who’s had so much money pass through their hands without putting any aside, religious epiphanies and bankrupcy aside. Anyone who’s been longterm unemployed through no fault of their own, had sleepless nights about mounting debts and whether they’ll ever work again, knows no-one wnats to help the little man when the sh#t hits the fan. This takes the f#####g p#ss if its for real – the church collects more money every sunday than Group 4 – let them help him.

  38. jamminben says:

    More incredible awesomeness from one of the top most awesome people on the planet. Bonus awesomeness: If you go to donate, it offers to let you use a coupon code. Where do I get one of those coupons!?

  39. Anonymous says:

    What a joke! I can’t believe he is asking the public for money. He and his wife need to go out and get jobs like everyone else doen.

  40. Anonymous says:


    Get a job Baldwang.

  41. Ugly Canuck says:

    As long as the website’s not too aggressive, such begging is ok by me.
    But then again, I have nothing: so the beggars get nothing.
    Tant pis.

  42. Anonymous says:

    It was on the end of the new South Park episode (Crippled Summer 14×07). Not sure if it is a joke. The website has no clues to suggest it is. It all seems above board and it’s not unchristian to make money out of faith… Look at all the religious paraphernalia you can buy, most of it tacky.

  43. Anonymous says:

    This is a joke right? It should be a joke anyway. IT feels like an SNL sketch. It sounds like an SNL sketch. I’d like to see more hilarious stuff like this. This is brilliant. They’ve taken unintentional self parody to a height that I don’t think anyone else could match. That whole money is the root of all evil and Camel through the eye of the needle thing just doesn’t seem to have registered. If only every holier than thou ideologue could hoist themselves by their own petard like this we might finally be rid of them. The only catch is I’m sure there will be idiots who actually contribute to this.

    I’m a Christian and aside from ask and you shall receive I don’t really see how it lines up with what I was taught. How about instead of all the money going to Stephen Baldwin all the money goes to Haiti, or literacy programs or sanitation projects. or cancer research… maybe (if you really want to give Steve some money) acting lessons?

  44. Rotwang says:

    Stephen Baldwin is a tool, and he can eat my shorts.

  45. Anonymous says:

    I can’t help but contrast this with Baldwin’s fellow angry tea party protesters who are mad at the people they characterize as wanting something for nothing and leeching off of society.

  46. JoshuaZ says:

    I have very little sympathy for Baldwin. There’s some respect for someone willing to pay the price for sticking to their ideals. But if you are going to do that, the simple thing to do would have been to correspondingly reduce consumption. That he has not done so and as a result now owes 2 million dollars in outstanding debts is his own fault.

  47. jeligula says:

    I have to second Rotwang’s sentiment.

  48. tdberg says:

    I don’t understand. Why can’t he just ask Jesus for the $2 million?

  49. A Nonny Moose says:

    At the risk of seeming insensitive, I find it really hard to feel sorry for someone who has the capability of making millions of dollars a year in the manner to which he has become accustomed, but refuses to. When that person puts hat in hand and (figuratively) stands on a freeway offramp with the equivalent of a sign that says “will be self-righteous for $$$”, what little compassion I had left goes right out the window. Not to mention the fact that $1200 a month in unemployment really doesn’t leave me much extra for luxuries like helping those that can help themselves, but won’t. I realize he has his principles to look out for but in this case, I think a vow of poverty might be a little more appropriate to the situation than an online plea for alms.

  50. Anonymous says:

    Sod that, why can’t he just ask one of his wealthier brethren?

  51. Terry says:

    If they really want to make money, they should set up a site where we pay to see Stephen Baldwin get hit with a taser.

  52. sworm says:

    This isn’t serious. It can’t be. It’s too funny.

  53. stupidjerk says:


  54. Anonymous says:

    “A simple search through the internet will reveal that people not only mock Steven, but mock god as well”


    People mock god on the internet?!?!?! Who would’ve guessed!

  55. IronyElemental says:

    Well, look on the bright side of things, Stephen…imagine how much trouble Alec is going to have fitting his camel through the eye of the needle, what with being so successful and all. At least you don’t have to worry about that.

  56. Machineintheghost says:

    I, for one, agree with the Stranger that this is AWESOME. Don’t think of it like a bailout for a silly never-really-has-been. Think of it as a self-enforcing fine penalizing people who are dumb enough to fall for this pitch.

    • JonStewartMill says:

      Don’t think of it like a bailout for a silly never-really-has-been. Think of it as a self-enforcing fine penalizing people who are dumb enough to fall for this pitch.

      I thought that’s what lotteries were for.

  57. bluefelix5 says:

    Didn’t anyone give him the “consequences” talk? When I was a kid my family explained that I was free to make all kinds of choices, but to remember that every choice comes with certain consequences. I could have decided against doing my math homework in college and consequently been expelled. Then I would have been free to apply to all kinds of jobs that don’t require a college education, etc.

    When Baldwin chose to stop acting and start preaching I’m not sure what he expected…?

    Being filthy rich isn’t Christian anyway. :/

  58. Anonymous says:

    2010, the year satire became indistinguishable from reality.

  59. za7ch says:

    “All the glory will go to god” and all your money will go to Stephen ‘Bio-Dome’ Baldwin.

  60. Anonymous says:

    Someone needs to make a website:

  61. WeirderYet says:

    Who’s Stephen Baldwin? No really, I want to know.

  62. das memsen says:

    I’ll hire him and Kirk Cameron RIGHT NOW and shoot a low-budget buddy flick with no sex in it and a positive message. I’m not joking. Someone give me a budget.

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      Would you accept backing for a low-budget porn film that has Stephen Baldwin and Kirk Cameron committing abominations?

  63. mhulsebu says:

    I can never remember which Baldwin he is…so in my mind he is Barney Baldwin. The Flintstones movie was horrible but he made an awesome Barney.

  64. microcars says:

    anyone know the minimum amount you can PayPal now a days?
    there was a time when you could PayPal someone 10cents and after transaction fees they would end up with negative 20cents

  65. Anonymous says:

    He gave up jobs because he didn’t like them? Wow, and to think the rest of us sit in our jobs everyday and most don’t like their jobs but we do it to pay the bills. Maybe he should have quit hollywood and found a job in another field, again, like the rest of us. If so called Christians are handing out money to the rich to pay their deliquent bills instead of to the poor souls that have lost their jobs and can not make it on the low unemployment checks and feels and cloths their families they are in a sad shape. Not to mention earthquake victims etc. He is doing enough now to pay back his past debts. Come on ,put the money where it is needed not just for something you think is cool.

  66. eagleapex says:

    Poor Trajan font. It’s the classy slut of Hollywood.

  67. WeirderYet says:

    So here’s a guy who’s been busy REFUSING work for the sake of Christians everywhere. Now he’s broke (and surprised about that apparently) and he wants those same Christians to pay him $2 MILLION DOLLARS so he can go back to Hollywood with his head HIGH and preach the gospel. And I quote: “Stephen’s platform will increase allowing him to reach even more people with the Gospel and God will get all of the glory. Publicly.”

    Seems to me that you don’t need money to preach the gospel, just some rags, a hair shirt and a soapbox. Now I’d pay to see that!

    • Junglemonkey says:

      What if he just wears a raggy, soapy, hairy shirt? Would you pay to see that?

      Seriously, I read “Stephen Baldwin = Job” and wondered, well, if he’s doing so well that he is the very concept of employment, why do we need to bail him out? You’d think he had plenty of cash.

  68. zandar says:

    @anon49: “To quote the conservatrolls, get a REAL job, you lazy bum!”

    +1 million bajillion.

    @anon32: “I wonder if he’s pitched to the studios the idea of a film about Job (either the one from the Biblical era, or a modern-day version) with him in the title role? Then he could have those contributors instead pay to see him in that movie.”

    Even better, who here wouldn’t pay to see a movie starring Stephen Baldwin about Stephen Baldwin going bankrupt and trying to raise money from Christians on a lousy website? I know I would.

  69. Antinous / Moderator says:

    Too late. I’ve just donated my life savings to Nicolas Cage.

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