By Cory Doctorow at 9:37 pm Sat, May 15, 2010
*Do not heat as illustrated.
Thank you Cory, I needed some encouragement on my weight loss.
Just wretch at it…
“Maybe it’s a tramp.” I think that’s my new favourite line in advertising.
These actually look kinda good.
“this barbecue sauce never saw the inside of any bottle” is a great thing to say when you’re marketing canned ribs.
“”this barbecue sauce never saw the inside of any bottle” is a great thing to say when you’re marketing canned ribs.”
I didn’t realize glass bottles leached horrible flavors into barbecue sauce. I will now move all of my foods to BPA containers.
And I thought the Double Down at KFC was as low as you could go!
Is there any point to this other than making me hungry? I’d eat these in a second, nothing wrong with meat in a can. Me so hungry…
I get the ‘a-running’ part. It’s the direction that confuses me.
It’s to ensure random coverage.
There’s no reason it couldn’t be good. It is all dependent on the quality of the ingredients.
It should have a picture of Fred Flinstone on the can. Popeye Spinach and Fred Flinstone Canned Ribs.
I would eat this.
Does anyone remember in Woody Allen’s movie “Bananas” (1971) how he attempts to entice Louise Lasser to stick around his apartment a little longer by saying “hey, I’ll open a can of ribs”? I recall the sheer absurdity made it a big laugh line.Jesus, who knew someone actually tried to market this?
Does it matter to point out that Armour Star stop making that product years ago. It was a big scandal when a whistleblower leaked that the barbecue sauce did indeed see the inside of a bottle.
“If you’re looking for the cheapest ribs, forget ours!”
Which implies that there is a world of other, less-worthy canned ribs products out there… O_O
It is all dependent on the quality of the ingredients.
Speaking of which, what kind of animal are we talking about here?
Appears to be pork because of the size. Rack of lamb is shaped differently and is expensive. Beef ribs are way to big to fit the pic.
Is it a bad thing that I find this product suitably appetizing solely because it seems like a better idea than whole chickens in cans?
The A/V Club once ran a video of a guy eating one of those canned whole chickens. It looked really, really bad.
Canned ribs . . . weird, low-class, but not horrible. It’s actually a little less horrible than (say) Spam, or other “luncheon loaf” meats, which are ground up who the hell knows what. These ribs are at least whole pieces of meat.
I could picture myself eating this as camp food. Beans, ribs, and canned corn bread. Do they make that?
“It’s actually a little less horrible than (say) Spam, or other “luncheon loaf” meats, which are ground up who the hell knows what. These ribs are at least whole pieces of meat. ”
Actually, I think the ingredients in SPAM are (S)quirrels, (P)ossum (A)nd (M)ice.
This may be the closest we’ll get:
These actually kind of make sense to me, too. Don’t you want ribs to be falling-off-the-bone cooked? They seem odd to our modern sensibilities, but they might not be bad.
On the other hand, today supermarkets sell frozen submarine sandwiches. How could those possibly be any good? And jeez, how hard is it to make a sandwich?
It says the ribs are smoked with “A mellow drift.”. Is that why I’m so hungry?
Ribs in a can.
See also: http://www.buzzhumor.com/videos/3471/Dave_Chappelle_Ribs
“From the makers of Valtran and Similox comes America’s #1 sleeping aid…RIBS.”
Yeah, I would at least try this. How much of that 2.5 pounds is bones, though? And how big is the can?
Can’t be worse than a McRib!
Ribs are my favourite. There is something so satisfying about ripping the meat off a bone and gnarling the bone to get every bit of tissue off. I think I’m still a caveman at heart.
Heh, Bob is that vegetarian cooked yet?
Makes me miss the McRib.
No way I’d eat those. They turned sauce into a verb.
The use of ‘sauce’ as a verb dates from the 1600s, so unless you’re some kind of Grammar Highlander, you need to settle down.
Settle yourself down, Chris. It was a joke, and didn’t require in-depth etomological and historical analysis. Sheesh!
Nothing could be worse than a McRib. The first bite is amazing – from then on, it’s “Where do I spit this?”
Thought this was an Iron Man post. WTF?
Come Armageddon, that will one hell of a find.
I worked for Continental Can Co. in the 80’s – I cannot imagine getting a heat penetration probe into a bone. I wonder how they figured out the processing time?
I’d want to fill the meat and sauce separately. That could mean hand filling the meat. Also, usually soup is put in a can partially cooked already. I wonder if they boiled or steamed the ribs first? If they’re put in raw, the can would be too cold to get a good vacuum.
At least it would be high acid so you wouldn’t have to worry about botulism and it wouldn’t require as long a process. But this really would be an expensive product to can.
It says they’re fully cooked. Just heat and serve!
Other forthcoming Armour products (will be announced/demoed at this year’s Meatcon 2011 in Omaha):
— Necks and Peas
— Tendon Log
— Li’l Nubblins ‘N Thangs
— Mystery Can
— The Good Parts
— Sackful of Animal
— Alphabet Gristlins
— Crunchin’ Bites
— Dippin’ Bones
— Cracklin’ Hooves
— Slippery and Nacho
Also, they will be offering their new Meat-by-Month subscription service. You pay $99/month and a random sampling of parts (chicken, beef, pork) in a steel drum is deposited in your backyard at 4 AM by illegal immigrants.
Great list. I spit Yumtrails all over my keyboard.
best laugh evah. Thank you.
Full disclosure, I’m a vegetarian of fifteen years.
My family was not well off, so we received “commodities” as food assistance (I don’t know where they came from). Some of the cans were meat, and I recall the pork with barbecue sauce being pretty tasty. And the canned ham was the best.
“Six worldly spices”? Educated, well-traveled, witty and urbane? Plus three other ingredients we don’t wish to discuss.
Add the word ‘human’ to the ad/can, before ‘ribs’ and ‘meat’, for extra zombie goodness.
Only a canned cheeseburger can top that http://www.avclub.com/articles/taste-test-cheeseburger-in-a-can,2183/
Thanks goodness the company that came up with that delight has the right stuff to rinse it awayâ€¦ http://www.trekneat.com/en/trekn-eat-products/products/katadynshopconnect/trekn-eat-wein/
Clearly this product wasn’t marketed towards most of the readers of this blog.
I have eaten many questionable things in my life. This was not on the supermarket shelf while I was going through the questionable part of my life, though, otherwise I would have tried it. I used to love ribs. And I have no doubt it would have been better than the spam, which they also market, no? After working 16 hours, I didn’t wanna mess around with making dinner.
It’s been crammed down people’s minds that they NEED meat to survive. It’s been taught that way for so long, that people really can’t see how you can survive without meat in your diet. I’ve been a vegetarian for a few years now, and the most common question I still get is ‘how do you get your protein?’ Which is why stuff like this will always have a market.
And I thought that the ‘Whole Chicken In A Can’ thing was a one off abomination, never to be repeated.
They’ve gone too far this time!
Ribs in a can, dicks in a box … what’s next ??
When I moved to NYV in 97 i ‘discovered’ those microwavable ribs, that was quite yummy!
I’ll just stick with my case of tactical bacon, thank you.
I actually remember eating these in my youth, and they have an added feature that your uncanned ribs lack – the canning process softens up the bones. Your true carnivore could chomp the bones and suck the marrow out, which is a real tasty plus. If I could actually still buy a can, I’d gladly do it!
This whole thing has gotten me thinking about my instinct to eat bones: A digression on the human need for calcium.
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