Tomorrow is Dead Duck Day


34 Responses to “Tomorrow is Dead Duck Day”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Someone better tell Nicolas Cage. He chooses his diet (fish and fowl) because they have “dignified” sex.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I read that article and thought how it was the usual human-centric attitude that people so often have. Ducks got this far, evolution-wise, without our “superior” values.

    Oh, no. We can only like them if they have the same morals as people. Bullsh*t. They don’t have a society. They just are. It isn’t rape; that’s a concept that comes with human society and morals. You wouldn’t like to be treated that way – but you wouldn’t feel the way a woman does, if you were a duck. I know; it’s all about how women feel. But, it just isn’t the same thing to a duck. For the duck, it isn’t all about how you feel. It doesn’t have our filters for interpreting reality, so its reality is entirely different. Annoying, huh?

    Me, I still think they’re really cute.

  3. bcsizemo says:

    Hell, I’m more impressed with the 75 mins….

  4. redesigned says:

    give a whole new meaning to the saying:
    “f*ck a duck”

  5. Anonymous says:

    oh crap, I was making cookies :(

  6. Anonymous says:

    I once came across three mallard males gang-raping a single female. They were surrounded by children who thought the ducks were fighting.

    Oh the innocence of youth. I wisely kept my mouth shut as to what was actually going on.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Not ONE reference to “About A Boy”. I am disappointed.

  8. cjp says:

    I have been the unfortunate recipient of a (how to put this delicately?) splash of mallard ejaculate as I was innocently walking under the flight path of one of these rapist ducks. I have also seen male ducks perch on rooftops and church steeples in an attempt to get the jump on an unsuspecting female. Adding necrophilia to their list of crimes has just dropped the mallard to my second least favourite animal – right above coelacanth. (They’re just creepy – I don’t trust them.)

  9. Sutra says:

    WHYYYYY oh WHYYYYY did I push play?

  10. Joseph Hertzlinger says:

    I never realized that Donald and Daffy were such perverts.

  11. lewis stoole says:

    Elaine: I loooove The Drake!
    lewis: i hate the drake!
    Jerry: How could you not like The Drake?
    George Costanza: Who’s The Drake?
    Elaine: Who’s The Drake!
    Jerry: The Drake is good.
    Jerry: You don’t like the Drake?
    lewis: i hate the drake, jerry! hate the drake!

  12. Junglemonkey says:

    I used to love my quiet neighborhood on a creek surrounded by ducks and mergansers. Now I just feel like I’m trapped in an area of town where there are zombie clown rapists lurking around every corner.

    The only thing that makes up for how creepy and disgusting ducks are is that they are really tasty.

    • Maggie Koerth-Baker says:

      You have almost exactly described my life/feelings.

      When I walk along the creek, I just feel all their little beady eyes on me.

  13. groovehouse says:

    I thought maybe it was BP related. =(

  14. dhalgren says:

    My mom and dad were huge fans of feeding ducks at ponds, lakes, or even those that would land in our backyard pool when they were migrating. Something more to like about our feathered friends.

    This also explains Daffy Duck.

  15. Robbo says:

    No wonder Donald was always so bitchy.

  16. stupidjerk says:

    Anyone familiar with the work of Stewart Lee? He does a wonderful piece on “March of the Penguins” being essentially christian propaganda because they mate for life, blah blah blah.

    He goes on to state that looking to nature for such wisdom isn’t always reasonable…what if the documentary was March of the Mallard Duck?

    “Look at that cute little mallard, raping that dead little mallard…in a dance as ooooooold as time.”

    Recommended work from one of the best comedians around.

    • Brainspore says:

      He does a wonderful piece on “March of the Penguins” being essentially christian propaganda because they mate for life, blah blah blah.

      I’m sure that notion serves the comedy bit but it’s not in the movie. I distinctly remember Morgan Freeman’s fatherly voice explaining that penguins mate for a season at a time, after which all bets are off.

      Many people DO still claim that eagles mate for life, though a closer look reveals that infidelity and “divorces” are about as common with them as in human society.

  17. Alex_M says:

    lol, I remember reading that paper when they got the IgNobel.. First a duck flew into their window and died. Then another duck showed up.. looked around with a guilty expression, and when confident nobody was looking, proceeded to hump the dead bird.

    Unbeknownst to the perpetrator though, they could see him through the mirror-like window and got it all on film!

    • Anonymous says:

      According to the journal article summary, the dead drake died while attempting to flee from the second male’s rapacious advances.

      “It is concluded that the mallards were engaged in an ‘Attempted Rape Flight’ that resulted in the first described case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard.”

      Captcha: “entrap of”

  18. Lexicat says:

    i think this is an appropriate moment to bring up garfunkel and oates’ youtube sensation sex with ducks:

  19. Anonymous says:

    You need to put a “NSFW” tag on all duck related articles

  20. Anonymous says:

    “I have been the unfortunate recipient of a (how to put this delicately?) splash of mallard ejaculate as I was innocently walking under the flight path of one of these rapist ducks.”

    Buquackkie??? Ewww….

  21. Anonymous says:

    I was walking along the Tidal Basin in DC during the Cherry Blossom festival and witnessed three mallards attacking a female duck. Rape indeed.

  22. yri says:

    As an Oregonian, I find this vindicates my preference for the Beavers…

  23. Lobster says:

    It wasn’t necrophilia! He was alive when the duck started!

  24. Mambo Bananapatch says:

    Mks y wndr f dcks r dscndd frm Jpns ppl.

  25. materkb says:

    Conversely, female mallards are loving, careful and above all philanthropic mothers. They will take over care of one another’s babies, guard nests for each other, babysit, and adopt orphans. It’s not unusual at all to see one mallard female with a dozen or more ducklings attendant on her; sometimes you can even see the other mothers arrive and take their own ducklings home.

    I observed this over the course of 15 years living beside Pismo Creek in Central California. Since I saw very similar behaviour exhibited by the human tourists and residents (called the cops when an unconscious young male was being gang-raped on the sidewalk), my conclusion is that the problem is not species related. It’s gender-related. Mallards are one of those rare avian species with an, um, intromittent organ. Apparently the possession of such deranges the owner.

    Nonetheless, I like ducks. I like humans. But some of the males of both species are real jerks.

    • nutbastard says:

      Of course it’s gender related. Trying to ape something with a vagina is like trying to stab someone with a soup bowl. Trust me, it’s a good thing females can’t rape easily. I’ve seen conflicts between both genders and given the sheer brutality of female combat, it’s a godsend that females aren’t built with male strength and rapey parts.

    • Brainspore says:

      Having a penis certainly makes rape easier but the prevalence of such varies a lot by species. I don’t think there are any documented cases of Panda rape, for example.

      • nutbastard says:

        “I don’t think there are any documented cases of Panda rape, for example.”

        I just raped like, 3 pandas the other day, I thought everyone noticed… OH you mean… nevermind.

  26. Antinous / Moderator says:

    Everyone enjoys a little bufflehead occasionally.

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